Hey, You. Yeah, You. On Your Phone.
You do know I’m behind you, right?
Visions | Canva No matter what I do, no matter how fast or slow I go, you will be there. Standing in the least appropriate place, staring at your phone, waiting for the text message that you absolutely will not get if you wait five seconds to get to the top of this staircase. You have noticed these stairs aren’t wide enough for two people to stand side by side, right?
Don’t mind me, I don’t have anywhere to go. Especially not in this stairwell. I’ll just lollygag until you’re done with your conversation, which, I have surmised, is more important than my arriving at my destination.
What’s that? You’d rather stand in the hallway now? Great, we’re getting somewhere. Or rather, you’re getting somewhere. I’m still behind you, praying you’ll realize that egress is a thing.
Anyway, now that we’ve established that we both have somewhere to be, would it be possible for you to read, write, and walk at the same time? Sure, this increases the odds of you walking into a door, or a wall, or falling down a manhole — but that’s a chance worth taking, isn’t it?
Hey, you. Yeah, you. On your phone. Please, by all means, do what you have to do.
Artem Podrez / Pexels
I’ll be behind you, shuffling my feet in a way that you can’t help but understand how annoyed I am.
And speaking of your phone — who’s that you’re texting? Is it your mom? Your boyfriend, girlfriend, polycule? Because whoever you’re conversing with, it must be important.
Otherwise, you wouldn’t be standing directly in front of me and the six people behind me, all of whom are just trying to get on with their days. Maybe you’d be willing to share.
I mean, if we’re just going to idle here in the hallway, we might as well get some entertainment value out of it. Spill the tea.
Oh, thank you for stepping aside. I see you’re not moving on to your destination, whatever that is. You’re just casually sweeping to one side to allow us to move past you.
Don’t think this means we don’t want to know who you’re chatting with. You made us all ten to fifteen minutes late to our next port of call, so I‘d say someone owes us an explanation!
Look, I get it. Life moves pretty fast. Someone said that, but I can’t remember who. The point is, we’re all hurrying from one place to the next. It’s nice, now and then, to stop and smell the roses.
Truth be told, I admire your determination to focus on the key things in life: personal contact, communication, and connecting with others.
There’s no question that in this day and age of AI, CGI, and digital communication, we’ve lost sight of that. Can we get real for a second? I wasn’t going to say anything, but I think it’s time.
The fact is, I come from a time in which humans were sought after for food. Creatures like dingos, wombats, and wolverines roamed the savannahs and plains, hungering for our flesh.
So when we move quickly, it’s because our brains are wired for it. I know, I know what you’re thinking: Boomers! We should understand that your generation needs to finish watching your reels on Snap or Insta before you can move forward and let us pass.
So if I happen to clock you with my water bottle as I speed past, causing you to fall and fracture your spine, don’t worry, it’s not you: I’m just trying to escape the cheetahs.
Eric Winick is a writer and marketer whose nonfiction has appeared in Looper, Counter Arts, Fanfare, Political Prism, and What Do You Call That Noise?, a book about XTC. He has over 30 years' experience working for New York City nonprofits, in the arts, community, and faith-based spaces.
