The Hardest Part Of Getting Older Isn’t Physical Aging — It’s These 5 Heartbreaking Realizations
TatyanaGl | Canva I turned 40 this month. It’s weird. At 40, I figured I’d look a bit older than I do. When I was a kid, I also figured I would magically become capable of dressing preppy and having it look normal on me. Unfortunately, it never did.
There are certain things people warned me about getting older: feeling creaky, not being able to drink as much, and not wanting to stay up all night, to name a few. However, the hardest part of getting older isn’t physical aging because you never get the full story until it happens to you. These realizations can be tougher to grapple with than the physical side of getting older.
The hardest part of getting older isn’t physical aging — it’s these 5 heartbreaking realizations:
1. Realizing you were wrong about some people
Rido via Shutterstock
As you get older, the type of people you respect changes. Time has a very weird way of letting the truth out and shining a light on a person’s true character. A good example of that deals with a workplace bully of mine. That job had given me a fair amount of trauma. One of the girls whom I blamed the most for it, we’ll call Tracy*. Tracy and I were at each other’s throats most of the time, albeit covertly. It was only after years and other coworkers pointing out how venomous that place was that I realized that Tracy was a victim, too.
We recently apologized to each other. We now occasionally send each other memes and show support for each other’s projects. When I really got to sit down and talk to her as a human being, I realized Tracy is a really amazing person. Had you told me that’d happen three years ago, I’d probably have asked you to share whatever you were on. Getting older makes you see things — and people — differently.
2. Realizing how important family really is (or isn't)
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A via Shutterstock
There comes a certain point where you start to realize that your parents are aging and declining in health. When I had that moment happen with my dad, I really panicked. Like, not for nothing, but my dad was my inspiration for just being me.
I was not ready for the shock of realizing that my days with my dad were numbered. When he died, I made a silent promise to be there for my surviving family — both bloodline and chosen. Since then, I’ve found myself reaching out to my quasi-cousins from Thailand, being more active in my daughter’s life, being more dedicated to my in-laws, and also doing more chores for my mom.
Getting older makes you so much more cognizant of how much people matter. I am working on being the crazy aunt to many and working on being the dedicated family person that those who stuck around deserve. People make your life — literally. Treasure them. And for others, especially those estranged from their parents, life may be better for you.
3. Realizing that some places are painful to revisit
sommart sombutwanitkul via Shutterstock
When my grandfather died, my mom had to go back to Romania to sort through his things. I was about 20 when this happened. My dad sat me down and decided to do some preemptive crisis diffusion.
My dad put a hand on my shoulder and said, "I realize you and your mother love to fight about your wardrobe. Right now, she’s going to do a very difficult trip. Please, for all that is holy, shut up and do not give her grief.”
Then, Mom went to Romania for a week. She came back from there, sat on the couch, and said, "I don’t want to go back there for a while. All I see are empty houses and people who aren’t there anymore."
I didn’t quite get what she went through until I started to experience it as I got older. My hometown is starting to feel like that. I keep seeing houses of people I used to know — including my best friend’s — and just feel like I’m seeing some painful memory I don’t want to relive.
For some reason, seeing my old hometown evolve and modernize started to really get at me. I appreciate my mom’s strength a lot more these days after feeling that. She’s more stoic than I am.
4. Realizing that your mind feels younger than your body
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A via Shutterstock
Do you know how we all have that inner dialogue? That little voice in our head that just talks when we think? Well, I kind of realized mine never aged. It still sounds the same as it did when I was 16.
I don’t really feel like I aged that much, either. From what I’ve heard from other older folks, that’s a fairly common realization. Research on aging has challenged the whole idea that getting old means being in decline. Yes, we’re getting old. Yes, we’re greying. But in our minds, we’re all still 16.
5. Realizing you feel a new sense of awe for older people
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A via Shutterstock
Bro, not for nothing, but this was the biggest change for me. I was one of those people who was all about "Live Fast, Die Young," but I was still fascinated with hearing stories of WWII from veterans or listening to my mom’s stories of Ceaușescu’s Romania.
The older I get, the more awestruck I am by some of the things I hear from people older than me. I also realize that those stories, and at times, those dialects, are going to stop being told soon. So I listen harder and want to learn more.
A while back, I ran into an old man at the bar who was drawing on a notepad. I struck up a conversation with him, and he looked at me and said, "You know, I was a punk, too, back in the day. Back in the 80s, in the glam rock era."
Wow, this dude had stories — stories that even outdid mine at my peak partying. (For the record, that’s not an easy feat. A large percentage of people who partied with me at 18 are dead due to how insane it got.) Talking to him was, by and large, one of the absolutely most enthralling couple of hours I ever spent at a bar.
Those stories matter. The older I get, the more I want to hear what it’s like to be alive back then. As a youth, I didn’t realize how much we could learn from the old vanguard of people. I’m just glad I can still listen to stories today.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
