People Who Are Slowly Losing Confidence In Themselves Usually Have 6 Habits That Bring Them Down
dabyki.nadya | Shutterstock A person who shows signs of low self-esteem lacks confidence and often feels unlovable and incompetent. They also tend to be hypersensitive and have a fragile, easily wounded sense of self. However, even if this is the case, you can still learn how to build confidence, even when you feel like you don't deserve it.
If you have low self-esteem, you've probably carried it with you from childhood. That lack of confidence, by its very nature, makes you seek to avoid threats from the outside that you are already living on the inside. You fear being judged, but you harshly judge yourself. You fear being rejected, but you have already rejected yourself. And you fear being unloved, but you don’t even love yourself. And so you avoid life because the extent to which you engage with life and others is a direct reflection of your self-perception. To work on your confidence, you need to be aware of these signs of low self-esteem.
Emotionally painful habits of people who are slowly losing their self-confidence:
1. They socially withdraw
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Finding a corner at the party feels safer than engaging in conversation. You think, "No one wants to hear what I have to say, anyway." And that's if you go to the party in the first place.
Psychosocial rehabilitation specialist Kendra Cherry, MS, explained, "Low self-esteem can affect many areas of a person's life, including school, work, life, relationships, and overall well-being. People with low self-esteem often struggle to feel confident in various situations, so they avoid opportunities that could help them achieve their goals."
2. They defer their thoughts and opinions in favor of others
Because you don’t trust yourself, you assume that others must know better than you, even when it comes to your wants and needs.
3. They can’t make decisions or stick to them
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You always say, "I don’t care. You decide." Even the smallest decisions can leave those around you wanting to scream, "Make up your mind!"
Psychologist Sabrina Romanoff noted, "People who are not attuned to their own feelings and needs tend to regulate themselves based on the perspectives of others. Underlying their lack of trust in themselves is the fear of making wrong choices and a lack of confidence in their ability to do what is best for themselves."
4. They lack boundaries
You may not think that withdrawing into your corner of the world could be a violation of boundaries. But if the reason that you don’t engage or express yourself honestly is that you are making assumptions about what others think, then you are out of bounds.
Even the mind has boundaries, and your only rightful access to someone else’s thoughts is to ask and listen. And that means you have to risk engaging.
5. They feel shame
Healthy shame says, "I made a mistake." Toxic shame says, "I am a mistake."
If you have low self-esteem, you likely feel toxic shame at your core. And that will show up in ways like avoiding eye contact, slouching, and insecure body language.
6. They give up too soon
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Because you lack both the motivation and confidence to take risks and see them through, you throw in the towel on projects and dreams.
How, then, can you overcome your low self-esteem? Is doing so even possible?
Two key components are essential for taking control of your self-perception, bringing it from the negative to the positive, and loving yourself despite it. The first is to stop the moving train of your inner critic. You will never be able to turn your thoughts upward if you don’t first stop their downward spiral. Stop listening to your inner critic. Learn to recognize when you are thinking negative thoughts, then choose not to listen. The goal is to stop the shame spiral — to put the brakes on the runaway train.
The second component is to practice self-compassion. Research has shown that self-compassion is even better for mental health than self-esteem. Love yourself and treat yourself with the same kindness that you would extend to a friend who is suffering. Within these two healing components is a wealth of specific strategies for elevating your self-esteem. But in one way or another, they all come down to stopping and challenging what isn’t right, true, or loving to yourself. Only then can you take positive steps that honor what is right, true...and worth loving about yourself.
Lisa Lieberman-Wang is a relationship expert and author, and has been seen by millions on ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, and CW as their Success Strategist, Relationship & Breakthrough Expert. She’s spoken on some of the most prestigious stages, including Harvard University, the Navy, Women Leading the Future, and more.
