Women Who Think Too Much & Hesitate Before Making Decisions Usually Heard 9 Phrases Growing Up
AlexanderLipko | Shutterstock Making decisions is tricky because it requires striking a balance between thinking enough to avoid impulsivity and not overthinking. Believe it or not, your childhood plays into the balancing act as well.
It’s definitely a good idea to think about important choices, but overthinking can lead to more regret. Unfortunately, some women were taught to always second-guess themselves instead of trusting their instincts because of the things they heard while growing up.
Women probably heard these phrases growing up if they overthink and hesitate before making decisions:
1. ‘Stop being dramatic’
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It’s pretty interesting that girls seem to be labeled as dramatic much more frequently than boys. While a boy’s indecision might be praised as wise, a girl’s would just be annoying.
Being hit with false accusations like this makes people question if they’re good enough. It’s even harder to process when you’re a kid and hearing it from adults you should be able to count on. Girls internalize this and carry a fear of being over-the-top with them for the rest of their lives, so they minimize themselves as women to make sure it never happens.
2. ‘You’re never satisfied’
Women who were told they could never be satisfied probably heard that from someone who thought they were helping them. It’s ironic that the reason others think they’re hard to please is because they’re doing everything they can to please everyone else.
People-pleasers are afraid of being left behind and never want to make anyone uncomfortable. That’s a hard way to live, but it’s even worse when someone implies that trying to please everybody means they can’t please anybody. Of course they would feel insecure about their choices if they believed that.
3. ‘You already know the right answer’
This phrase is particularly problematic because people use it when they want to encourage someone to move forward based on what they know already. Instead of being comforting, it lets them know people are impatient for them to just figure it out.
Being rushed like this puts a lot of pressure on girls, and that pressure often keeps them from performing at their best. That reinforces the problem because they’ll think that rushing always leads to mistakes and then take even longer to make the simplest decisions.
4. ‘It’s not complicated’
Whether or not something can be considered complicated is totally subjective, and it’s bound to differ between an adult and a child. Still, when a woman is repeatedly told that she’s overcomplicating everything while she’s growing up, a part of her will always wonder if it’s true.
This is a clear example of emotional invalidation, but a child won’t understand that. They’ll become convinced that the criticism is accurate and start invalidating their own emotions until it’s just a habit, which will continue to hold them back for years.
5. ‘You worry too much’
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When someone is feeling stressed, and another person uses that as an opportunity to mention they noticed or to say there’s no need to worry, it actually makes them feel worse. It’s basically just a way to put them down and make them feel bad about their emotions.
Some people get more anxious about making decisions than others do. That doesn’t mean they’re doing something wrong, but women can feel that way when they’re used to hearing it.
6. ‘Don’t make things so difficult’
When a kid is dealing with uncomfortable emotions, the best thing for a parent or another caring adult to do is not to gloss over it. Kids want to know they’re understood just like an adult would.
Parents might make off-handed comments about their daughters making things harder than they have to be in a moment of frustration, but there’s no telling how long that will stick with them. Women will still have to deal with the indecisiveness that comes from thinking they’re causing the problem themselves.
7. ‘You’re such an overthinker’
Even if someone is overthinking, it’s usually not helpful to point it out. People are actually more likely to overthink when they’re stressed, which makes this a vicious cycle because they’ll just feel worse after being called out for thinking about something too much.
That’s something that women carry into adulthood. They’ll always remember being called an overthinker when they were young, and then worry about doing the same thing in the present. Of course, all that’s going to do is make them spend even more time worrying about decisions.
8. ‘Just make up your mind already’
When a girl is told she needs to go ahead and make up her mind, it will sound a lot more like someone’s saying she’s not good enough. It sends the message that being unable to choose proves she’s inadequate.
It’s hard for some adults to understand that being told they’re not good enough reflects the other person, so a child obviously won’t get it. Instead, she’ll spend years feeling bad about it. By the time she is an adult, it’ll be too late to undo that damage and make her less hesitant.
9. ‘You should be more confident’
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No one ever does another person a favor by telling them to be more confident because the very first thing they’ll think when they hear that is that their self-esteem is too low and needs to change. Their confidence will plummet even further as a result.
Women who have low self-esteem are always worried about messing up, which makes it hard for them to trust their own judgment. They can’t make decisions when they feel that way, even if no one has told them that since childhood.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
