3 Habits You Need To Say Goodbye To In Your 30s If You Want To Stay Happy And Upbeat
Max BVP | Unsplash Do you ever feel trapped? Like you hate your job, your apartment, your town, your relationship, your choices, your friends, your weight, your hair, your clothes, or just anything and everything?
Do you ever feel like the air around you is a brick wall trapping you in with just enough oxygen to breathe, but not enough to alleviate the weight in your chest? That every day you wake up, and you are going through the motions, but you’re on autopilot. You aren’t where you want to be in your life. You are somewhere floating above yourself, watching a montage of poor choices and monotony.
It’s time to change. You can totally do it. I know what you’re thinking, “What am I gonna do, move? All my friends are here!” or “You think I’m gonna leave him? Is anyone else going to want me? I don’t want to be alone.” or “You think I should leave my job? I don’t want to learn a whole new job!”
The answer to all of these questions is yes! Yes, you can. The change starts in your brain. It is all a mindset. You are stronger than you think you are, braver than you think you are, and better than you think you are.
Here are 3 habits you need to say goodbye to in your 30s if you want to stay happy and upbeat:
1. Sticking with a job that makes you miserable
We have all had jobs that are draining. Maybe you’ve worked your whole life toward a career goal, and when you reached it, it wasn’t what you thought.
Maybe you work at a monotonous 9-5, and the endless clocking in and out is starting to wear on you. Maybe you work at a job where you feel unappreciated, undervalued, or underutilized. Maybe you feel unstimulated and uninspired, and uninterested.
Being unhappy at work doesn't just make your nine-to-five harder to get through; it can take a real toll on your mental health. Research has found that job dissatisfaction is linked to higher rates of depression, anxiety, and stress. One 2021 study tracked over 24,000 workers in Japan and found that those who were dissatisfied with their jobs were more likely to experience psychological distress and rate their overall health as poor.
Whatever the reason, you feel like it's time for a change. But change is scary. How do you leave a job that pays your bills and keeps food on your table?
How do you leave a job where you know what to expect, and a job where even if you hate it, you can rely on it? How do you leave something you hate when you are so comfortable with it?
The answer here is baby steps. Baby steps, edit your resume. Baby steps, search for jobs that interest you. Baby steps, think of a career change. Baby steps start applying to jobs.
Set a goal for yourself. Apply to 5 jobs a week. There are so many sites where you can research jobs in your area. Go to interviews. You don’t have to commit to anything just because you are interviewing.
See what it would be like. Imagine yourself at a new job. Maybe take a pay cut if you need to. You will find that you will be happier making less money at a job you love. You can leave the job. Just take it in small steps.
2. Staying in a bad relationship
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This one can get sticky. Sometimes when we’re living our lives almost in a trance, we don’t realize how far things have gone. Maybe you get asked out on a date.
One date turns to two, then three, then all of a sudden you’re in a relationship. Maybe you were in love with him once, but he’s changed, or you’ve changed. Maybe he’s holding you back, or maybe he’s pushing you to be someone you are not.
Whatever the reason, you feel it's time to end things, trust your feelings. If there was once a great love or great passion, I don’t recommend coming to this decision lightly.
Maybe see if you can work through your issues. Maybe you can. But if you are with someone that you do not love, or someone that is holding you back from your happiness, it is time to leave.
Research published in Evolutionary Psychological Science actually found that people in bad relationships were unhappier than single people overall, and those who were single reported higher life satisfaction than people stuck in unhappy relationships. And if you're staying because you're afraid of being alone? That's a trap in itself. The same study showed that people who stuck it out in unsatisfying relationships just to avoid being single ended up just as unhappy as the single people they were so afraid of becoming.
How? How do you leave someone who loves you? Maybe you rely on them for financial support, maybe you rely on their emotional support. Maybe you really and truly love them, but you know they are not good for you. How do you leave that person? You need to start by getting a good support system around you.
Find people in your life, even if you’re not especially close to them, who are strong and supportive and care for you. Find yourself friends who will take you out and help mend your aching heart.
Switch things up with your living situation. If you live with your significant other, you have to move out. Find an apartment that is completely yours. If they move out of your home, or you never lived together, redecorate. Paint your house. Make it feel like a brand-new space that can inspire creativity, hard work, and maybe a new romance.
Give yourself a treat every day after your breakup. One thing every evening to look forward to, a reward to remind yourself that you did great today.
Maybe a glass of wine, maybe a bowl of ice cream, maybe on an especially hard day, buy yourself a new dress, or take yourself out to eat. You are going to make it through this. You are a smart and strong person who can and will do this. You need to constantly remember that you deserve big, great, wonderful love. If what you have isn’t it, you have the strength to make that change.
3. Refusing to evolve
This is my favorite life change. It is the hardest thing to do, but it is the best solution if you feel just out of control in your life. Start fresh. If you are unhappy in your job, in your relationship, with your weight, with your friends, with your habits, and with yourself. Move. It’s the most harmoniously perfect change. Move yourself away from the things that are holding you back.
This isn’t to say that if you just relocate, all of your problems are solved. There are likely deeper issues that you need to address, and for that, you can see a counselor or talk to some friends, or just do some soul searching.
Sometimes the best way to break free from patterns that aren't serving you is to literally break free. Researchers have identified something called the "fresh start effect," which is that natural turning points like the start of a new week, month, or year help our brains draw a line between "before" and "now." It's like we mentally file away our past slip-ups and permit ourselves to start with a clean slate, which makes us more motivated to pursue the goals we've been putting off.
If you are living a life that you are unhappy with, and you don’t know what else to do, move. Pack up your stuff and hit the road! Find new friends who keep you away from self-destructive habits. Find a new job in a new city that will help inspire you and refocus you! Rent an apartment with high ceilings and a great view and make it your own! Be with someone who values you! This year is going to be the best year of your life if you just believe you can change the things you don’t like. You can!
Remember that you are strong, you are brave, you are kind, and you are the person of who’s happiness is most in your control. You can change your life.
Start small. Embrace your shortcomings. Celebrate your strengths. Learn who you are. Change what you do not like. Get up every single day and try. You can do this. This is your life, so be proud of it.
Kaitlin Kaiser is a writer who covers astrology, spirituality, love, and relationships.
