9 Tiny Habits That Magnetically Draw People To You

What I've learned through years of people-watching and mistake-making.

Handsome man standing casually, drawing people in Dean Drobot | Canva

I spent most of my life wanting to connect better with people. I hated leaving a meeting and feeling like I said the wrong thing or that I’d lost a potential friendship because of something I did or didn’t do. I couldn’t figure out how to improve this for a long time. I’d look at others who seemed to make friends effortlessly and feel a pang of sadness. Through years of people-watching and mistake-making, there is much I’ve learned.


Here are 9 tiny habits that magnetically draw people to you:

1. Don’t be so nice

There’s a difference between using a ‘nice’ demeanor to maintain harmony and being genuinely pleasant around people. The former is often a subtly manipulative tactic used to avoid being hurt. But this won’t do you favors if you want an authentic connection. Instead of being nice, dare to be real. Be kind, yes. But also be open to expressing your opinion if it doesn’t always gain approval. Smile when you want to smile. Being nice all the time when it doesn’t reflect your inner reality is draining, and others will sense this.


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2. Care about how you look

Many of you don’t need to know this because you’re already crushing it. Just because most people care less about how they look doesn’t mean it’s OK to follow suit. Tend to the small details. Wear crisp, clean clothes. Fumigate that bad breath. It will attract people to you because they see you care about yourself.

3. Flap your gums less

Talking a lot is healthy and a sign of your enthusiasm. Just be careful you aren’t talking so much that it begins to work against you. For example, if you’re so keen to speak that you barely give others a chance and continually cut off their sentences, you best believe they're itching to leave. It’s not all about you. Listen just as much as you talk, if not far more. This also creates intrigue. Show interest in others, and they will become interested in you.


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4. Speak slowly and clearly

It can be challenging to put thoughts into words. But often, we are inarticulate when we are nervous or when we rush. Rushing your speech makes it harder to understand you, and people find it difficult to be drawn to people they cannot understand. Slow your rate of speaking a fraction. It makes it easier for you and for others.

5. Be a ninja at caring less about seemingly serious stuff

Look around you. Most people are in their own worlds, worrying about stuff they can’t control. It’s getting worse because most people are overwhelmed with information. Detaching from what might scare or worry others is worth mastering. The more seemingly carefree you are, the more likely others will be to feel a magnetism to this happy energy. Start not in the mind but in the body. Drop your shoulders, take a breath, and your attitude toward life will follow.

6. Notice subtleties about others

Isn’t it refreshing and pleasantly surprising when someone observes you that few make? Maybe they commented on your shirt or expressed a perceptive insight about a word you used. It doesn’t have to be clever. Most people are so preoccupied with their own stuff they don’t see beyond their noisy filters.


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7. Be uncommonly immune to the need to moan

I know — you’ve had a hard day. The kids have been screaming in your ears all morning. A good moan with a good friend can be cathartic. But when I find myself with people who refrain from complaining much — if at all — I often find my admiration for them grow. It’s easy to moan. It’s a little harder to focus on the good. That’s the kind of person you want on your team. Be that person.

8. Be unflappably goofy

We all have a humorous side that will have others in stitches when you let go and see the funny side. Be the goober who chooses to be goofy at the right moments, especially when others are not. This can open the gates to a more light-hearted mood, and people will like you for it.


9. Amplify your awareness of people

I know what it’s like to enter a social situation and close down, burdened by swirling thoughts and a sweaty brow. The irony here is that the best social interactions involve present people who aren’t in their heads and tapped into an upbeat, creative flow. Letting go of troubling thoughts, opening your senses, slowing down, and focusing on the present gives you this. Aware people are rare. They come across as a fascination to others — and they won’t know why.

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Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient.