11 Habits That Instantly Signal Someone’s Been Through More Than They Let On
Speaking as someone who's going through it, these habits are signs that you've already been through it.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock Did you ever meet someone who seemed to attract bad luck like honey attracts flies? If so, you likely have noticed they don’t act like normal people, and that they have certain traits and mannerisms that tend to stick out in a group.
As someone who has been through a very rough time, it’s a matter of “it takes one to know one.” If you notice a person with any of these habits, they've likely experienced some pretty serious problems in their lives.
These are 11 habits that instantly signal someone’s been through more than they let on
1. Obsessing over money
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Money isn’t just the root of all problems for some. For many people who grew up financially insecure or have trauma related to poverty, money is an obsession. These are the people who will do anything to avoid a loss of money, often to the point of sickness.
Economically traumatized people will often hoard, repeatedly count money, and get anxious around money as a result of the fear that comes with reliving their days of poverty. If they get money, they often spend it out of fear that it won’t be around, making it a prolonged cycle.
2. Hypervigilance
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Does the person in question seem to scan the room every time they enter? Do they make a note of who’s there, what they’re wearing, and where the exits are at all times? That’s known as hypervigilance.
Hypervigilance is a symptom of PTSD, which causes the sufferer to be unusually alert about their surroundings. It’s a sign that the person in question suffered severe trauma, which makes it hard for them to calm down in a typical group setting.
Most people can figure out who was at a party. A hypervigilant person will tell you who was hanging out with the sketchy people in the corner and what they wore.
3. Freaking out when criticized
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This is a common issue with people who are insecure, as well as people who have been traumatized by past experiences with people. Sometimes, the insecurity is a result of the trauma they experienced in the past.
Criticism is never pleasant, but if it’s been heaped on people before, it can turn into a nightmare.
4. Strange eating habits
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Does the person in question have odd behavior around food? Perhaps they’re obsessed with clipping recipes they never cook or obsessed with counting calories. Maybe they only eat alone. No matter what it is, you can usually tell a lot from a person’s food habits.
People who struggled with eating disorders often avoid eating in groups, even after they’ve been able to balance themselves out. Meanwhile, people who had long periods of starvation often eat quickly or hoard food as a way to make themselves feel safe.
5. Avoiding people
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To absolutely no one’s surprise, there’s a certain point where being mistreated by other people can turn you into a misanthrope. People who have been through a lot of turmoil involving other people may eventually just stop trusting people altogether.
When this happens, they may avoid people altogether, becoming modern-day hermits in their own right. This is also a known symptom of PTSD.
6. Not freaking out when everyone else is panicking
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A person who is used to horrible things happening won’t spazz when the sky is falling. Quite the opposite: they often end up being cool as a cucumber while everyone around them is running around, wondering how they’ll survive.
This is a double-edged sword. They often panic when nothing bad is happening to them, but when things are falling apart, they’re often the best people to be close to.
7. Being unable to remember anything
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Our brains protect us during times of crisis, often by blocking out memories that are too painful for us to handle. It’s known as dissociative amnesia, and it’s a lot more common than you might think.
If a person’s memory seems to have as many holes as Swiss cheese, they may not just be “forgetful.” Instead, this could be a sign that they have gone through serious trauma, and they simply couldn’t handle it.
8. Reacting strangely to acts of kindness
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A person who lived most of their life as a neglected or abused person is used to foul treatment. When presented with kindness or genuine appreciation, they might not know how to handle it.
Some get suspicious because they’re used to “rug pulls.” Others might assume that they have to be abusive or cruel because that’s how they assume the world works. Still others might cling to you over the smallest gestures. Either way, extreme reactions to kind behavior are a major sign that they’ve been through a lot.
9. Never asking for help, even when it’s urgent
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Most people have met someone who never, ever admits they need help, even when it’s abundantly clear that they need a leg up. This is actually a longer-form sign that they were not given help when they needed it before.
The theory behind the “Cry It Out” Method actually hinges on this behavior pattern. If you don't help people when they ask for help, they eventually learn it’s not coming and stop asking altogether.
10. Being unusually caring and generous to others
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When I was homeless, I had a person who would always give me food. They’d also put me up at least once a week, especially on cold days. I’d always ask him why, and he’d shrug and say, “No one will be more sympathetic and caring than someone who has been in your shoes.”
So far, I’ve noticed this is true. People who see others who have dealt with horrible things often will go out of their way to make your life easier. It’s a sign that life humbled you.
11. Having backup plans for backup plans.
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Many people will fly by the seats of their pants for much of their lives, or will stick to one single plan. This won’t fly with a person who’s gone through serious problems. They’ve watched their plans erupt into flames.
Rather than have just one plan, they’ll have a Plan B, a Plan C, a Plan D, and maybe even a quit point. After all, they know what it’s like to have life fall apart.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
