Emotionally Draining People Usually Have 7 Habits That Make Their Issues Everyone Else's Problem
Kevin Malik | Pexels It's healthy to release our stress, but there's a fine line between healthy venting and emotional dumping.
Also called trauma dumping, this involves expressing your feelings without considering the mental and emotional toll it takes on someone else. Unfortunately, when a person is an emotional drain on everyone, they tend to have some pretty toxic habits.
Habits emotionally exhausting people have that make their issues a problem for everyone
1. They talk about the same problems over and over
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Sometimes, when a person is working to recover from a stressful situation, they feel the need to vent about it again and again. It's a natural response, but it's important to be mindful of the other person's capacity to listen and support.
But there are certain situations that surpass the natural urge to vent and just create more problems.
The human brain can take two paths when faced with challenging circumstances. It can either resolve the issue, which leads to growth and reflection, or escalate the stress response to one of discomfort and anger. And that leads to a cycle of repetitive venting.
Because these people can't find a solution, they resort to short-term relief by dumping their problems onto everyone else. They decide not to find a long-term remedy by taking steps to solve the issue.
While venting is a normal part of life, when an emotionally draining person drags on the same issues with no solution in sight, it quickly overwhelms everyone around them.
2. They drain others' energy
If you have a relationship with someone who frequently emotionally dumps their problems onto you, this friendship isn't healthy. These people, sometimes without realizing it, are projecting their stress.
According to licensed mental health counselor Geralyn Dexter, "People may struggle to accept aspects of themselves that make them uncomfortable. Instead of addressing it head-on, we may cope by projecting feelings onto others. This keeps us from having to recognize them as our own and deal with them directly, which can serve to maintain our sense of self."
So, when dealing with a draining person, it's important to set boundaries. It's natural to want to empathize and be there for them, but it's not your responsibility to take on another person's stress in addition to your own.
3. They don't show respect for anyone's emotional space
A true connection relies on the reciprocation of respect and energy. But when someone doesn't show any consideration toward your boundaries and puts all their emotional weight on you, it's often because they lack the awareness to see how their behavior drains others.
It can be difficult to set emotional boundaries with friends and loved ones who don't have a healthy way of processing their feelings. That's especially true if they're so used to this mutual dynamic.
But there are healthy ways to navigate this. In addition to setting boundaries, you can go to activities together to help that person release their emotions productively. Because even if someone doesn't mean to disrespect our boundaries, it's not a good habit for anyone.
4. Their perspective is often one-sided
Emotional dumping typically doesn't involve a willingness to observe multiple perspectives. Instead, that person can only focus on how the situation affects them personally.
When you're dealing with an emotionally draining person, the conversations with them are one-sided and inconsiderate of your listening capability. You might feel more like a therapist than a friend and can't get through to them no matter how many different ways you try.
Sometimes, when they're set in their ways and refuse to see the broader picture, the best thing to do is distance yourself to protect your energy. That might mean ignoring phone calls and texts, or encouraging them to seek professional help.
5. They get stuck in a cycle of complaints
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Everyone likes to complain occasionally, and it's not always a bad thing. It connects us on a human level while making us feel better about our situation. But it's one thing to complain about an inconvenience every now and then and another to get stuck in a cycle of complaints about the same subject.
Too much complaining can actually create more stress and rewire the brain for negativity, making it much more difficult to break the cycle. This cycle of complaining can also be contagious, causing us to respond with our own complaints, which will only lead to more conflict and strained relationships.
The best way to combat habitual complainers is by demonstrating gratitude, though simply telling someone to be grateful won't help them break this harmful cycle. Instead, demonstrating gratitude toward them might help them create a more loving awareness towards themselves and their lives.
6. They don't seek solutions or take accountability
Because emotionally draining trauma-dumpers are so blinded by their heavy stress, they truly believe they're stuck. But they fail to realize that this belief is what's keeping them stuck. So, they struggle to take accountability for their own contribution to their stress and reluctance to find solutions.
While it's kind and compassionate to help someone find solutions to their problems, they have a way of never accepting the role they're playing in their own issues. This offer of help might change some people, but it can also go unnoticed or unacknowledged when they lack emotional self-awareness.
It may not always be possible to distance ourselves from these folks despite feeling obligated to help. Still, it's important to help them redirect their focus to finding solutions and regaining emotional control over their lives.
7. They aren't receptive to feedback or questioning
In many cases, when we do try to offer solutions or ask the emotionally draining person questions to help them reevaluate their stress, they may not be receptive to this feedback. It can then become difficult to get through to them in a mature and impactful way.
When you find yourself in this situation, there's only so much you can do other than respect the timing of their journeys. By maintaining a healthy distance to protect your peace and communicating your needs, you can eventually help them realize how toxic they're being.
Francesca Duarte is a freelance journalist based in Orlando, Florida. She covers lifestyle, human interest, spirituality, and lifestyle topics.
