People Who Speak Just To Be Heard Usually Also Have 8 Frustrating Traits
dimaberlinphotos via Canva It's a natural human desire to want to feel seen and heard, and is the root of our connections.
But there's a difference between existing in social interactions to feel seen and speaking only to have your voice heard. People who do the latter tend to overshadow and annoy others, clinging to attention and control instead of sparking curiosity with their stories.
Frustrating traits people have when they only speak to be heard
1. They one-up people
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While shared experiences can increase closeness in conversations and help people bond, "that happened to me" feels like someone searching for the spotlight. Their intention isn't to make someone else feel seen, but to feel heard themselves, and they one-up others in the process.
If someone wants to build a connection, they may add shared experiences and questions. But if someone just wants to be the center of attention, they'll actively try to invalidate others to push forward their own experiences.
2. They interrupt
Active listening helps make people feel valued. In many conversations, perceiving someone as an active listener even sparks the reward center in our brains, making us feel secure and comfortable with another person.
But someone trying to be heard and speaking only to hear their own voice usually does the exact opposite. They interrupt the flow of conversation while saying, "I care more about what I have to say than what you do."
Everyone might listen to them and tolerate it, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're being seen in a connecting, healthy way.
3. They lack social awareness
The ability to read the room is rarely prevalent in someone who speaks just to be heard. They'll overlook all the social cues and speak to someone who is clearly annoyed. They interrupt even when someone's clearly in the middle of a thought because they're only interested in being heard.
Despite the mental health problems that stem from poor social skills, they continue to bulldoze over conversations for a fleeting sense of importance.
4. They need external validation
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The most insecure people need others' validation to feel secure. Even when they don't have anything of substance to bring to a conversation, they talk and interrupt constantly. They need the reassurance that they're liked or important to feel good enough.
It's somewhat normal to want to feel validated by others, but when someone's entire identity is contingent on getting that attention, it can put everyone in an uncomfortable position.
5. They're uncomfortable with silence
Despite being incredibly important in conversations to give people a chance to think, people who talk constantly can't handle the awkwardness of a brief pause. Silence is something to avoid and run from, so they talk and talk just to fill it.
Chances are, there's a sense of insecurity and tension that fuels their awkwardness during silence in conversations that also makes it hard for them to spend time alone. They can't handle being left alone with their thoughts, whether they're in complete solitude or looking at someone else.
6. They process by speaking
Many introverted people need alone time and silence to think about what they're going to say, which is why they prefer intimate one-on-one conversations. But there are plenty of extroverted people who process their thoughts in real time while speaking to others.
While we often condemn people who talk just to hear themselves, sometimes it's a necessary part of their thought process. They do their best when they can brainstorm and work through problems verbally.
It might be annoying to someone with a thought they'd like to share, but it's their way of processing.
7. They don't have a filter
If someone doesn't have a filter, they won't just offend people often. They'll also probably say everything that comes into their minds.
They may not actively seek the spotlight or want to be the center of attention, but they can't help but find it by speaking all the time. They can't simply hold onto a thought or think about it by themselves. They have to say it all out loud.
8. They have a fragile ego
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Despite coming across as incredibly charismatic and confident, most narcissists who dominate conversations and constantly interrupt are actually compensating for a fragile ego.
They need other people's attention and a social sense of superiority to feel secure. It urges them to name-drop and speak over others in an attempt to secure it.
Even for someone who's operating from a place of insecurity, this constant need for attention can be annoying, even when their intentions aren't necessarily malicious.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
