People Who Are Mentally & Emotionally Selfish Usually Say 9 Obvious Phrases In Casual Conversation
Vladimir Arndt | Shutterstock Sometimes it can be hard to tell if you’re dealing with a truly mentally and emotionally selfish person. They may do a good job of hiding their self-centeredness, but they often give themselves away with the phrases they use in casual conversations.
While these phrases are not always signs someone is being manipulative or selfish, they can become obvious in certain contexts. Next time you deal with someone who says these things, you’ll know to walk away and avoid absorbing their negative energy.
People who use these phrases in casual conversation are mentally and emotionally selfish, and they may be taking it out on you:
1. ‘I’m just being honest’
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While honesty is often the best policy, there are moments when a phrase like this can show someone’s true colors. Hurtful words under the guise of honesty are still painful to hear. It’s easier for them to get away with their selfish behavior when they can point the finger at someone else. Using honesty as a cover for their selfishness leads people to trust them and believe they have their best interests at heart, although that is far from the truth.
This type of person is self-centered. They won’t care how their words make you feel, as long as they are communicating their thoughts. Often, they will view their feelings as more important, claiming they are just being honest when called out for their bad behavior.
2. ‘I wouldn’t do that’
We have all experienced moments when someone gives their opinion even if it’s unwarranted. This can be a well-thought-out mechanism. Putting themselves first can make them overly judgmental and see things as their way or the highway. When they can control you, they get what they want, which feeds their selfish need.
Playing this behavior off as helpful advice allows them to hide their true intentions, which are simply to get what they want from you. Self-centered ideology will rarely benefit anyone but the manipulative person. If they can talk you out of a decision by making you feel guilty or wrong, they’ve done their job.
3. ‘I do everything for you’
Guilt-tripping can be a serious issue in relationships, romantic or platonic. We expect the people we care about to be there for us just as we are for them. It’s important to build a bond of mutual respect and dedication. Someone who throws their kindness in your face often isn’t a genuine person. Making you feel bad for the effort they put into supporting you shows they didn’t do it out of good intentions; rather, they wanted leverage over you.
Relationships are not a competition; they are a give-and-take. When one person is keeping score, it’s a one-sided partnership. Selfishness controls how someone treats you. Claiming they do everything not only dismisses your effort but also makes you feel bad that you confided in them. They seem to lack empathy because they only care about what they get out of the relationship.
4. ‘I’m not dealing with this’
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Turning to someone when you need them takes guts. It’s scary to show someone that side of you. You trust them to meet you with kindness and help you through your feelings. Sadly, that isn’t always the case in relationships. One person can be at their lowest while the other dismisses them because they are not in the mood for the conversation at hand.
Often, someone who uses this phrase is trying to hide something. Deflection is the easiest way to take the pressure off themselves and is used as a defense mechanism. They likely expect you to drop the issue and end the conversation there, protecting themselves from confronting their mistakes, or putting their guard down to provide emotional support.
5. ‘You’re always wrong’
We’ve all been guilty of thinking our point of view is the only correct one. However, it’s important to look at things from a broader perspective. For some, it’s not easy to do. Internally, they’re thinking of themselves and how the people in their life make them feel. Placing the blame on everyone else feeds their ego. It convinces them that they are always right and everyone else is wrong.
A person like this may genuinely believe that everyone else is wrong. They see the world in black and white, assuming everyone thinks like them, and when they don’t, they should. Selfish people want things their way, and by claiming others are wrong, they’re attempting to get what they want no matter the situation.
6. ‘I don’t have the bandwidth’
There are times when I’m dealing with too much in my life that I don’t have the energy to pour into other people. That is acceptable and should be respected. However, some may throw around buzzwords like bandwidth to get out of being there for other people. A selfish person wants to devote all of their time to themselves, and being there for someone else can be seen as an inconvenience. Claiming they need support because they are too stressed out to help you gives them a chance to get sympathy.
Manipulation can be a person’s main game. Any way to get attention matters, so they may push your feelings aside while trying to get more out of the other people in their lives. They hold you to higher expectations than they themselves have, giving them what they want and preventing them from putting too much effort into the relationship.
7. ‘You make everything about you’
Selfish people do not want to compete for the spotlight. Controlling every conversation so it centers around them is their goal. If you bring up something in your life, they can become defensive. They think you’re taking away their spotlight. Shutting you down by making you feel guilty allows them to shift the attention back to themselves.
Conversational narcissists are doing exactly what they accuse others of. They don’t want to hear your thoughts and opinions, but demand you listen to theirs. It benefits them, and they think it is a clever disguise for their selfishness.
8. ‘You don’t care’
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It’s important to realize that this type of person thinks they’re going through more than anyone else around them. They’re seeking sympathy when they bring up their woes. The expectation is that you give them the attention they crave and validate their emotions. Not responding correctly can cast you as the bad guy, even if you are doing your best to support them.
Being told what they want to hear feeds their ego. If that need isn’t being met, they will claim you’re the problem. They want to be acknowledged for their trials and tribulations, and may make bold claims that you don’t care if you’re not giving them that validation.
9. ‘Whatever’
There have been times in my life when I’ve tried to connect with someone selfish. I’d say something in hopes of reaching them on a personal level, only to be blown off. This type of person wants any attention they can get. If you say something and they respond with "Whatever,” they’re telling you that you did not give them what they wanted. It leaves you feeling bad, which helps them accomplish their goal.
They can also say things like this to dismiss other people. They likely don’t want to take on other people’s burdens. They’re trying to brush things off and change the focus of the conversation. You’re wondering what you said wrong, or why they don’t care about your issues, which is exactly what they want. They don’t care, and they are making it clear.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
