The Art Of Therapy: 4 Brutal Truths Real Therapists Say Most People Just Can't Handle Hearing
Seasoned therapists reveal hard-to-swallow truths clients resist most.
Karsten Winegeart | Unsplash Most of us head to therapy in hopes that the therapist can fix what is broken within us. We feel like they have the ‘magic pill’ that will snap us out of our funk or fix our deepest, darkest issues, enabling us to live our very best lives.
We know that something inside of us needs to change, but we are incapable of making those changes on our own. Instead, we head to therapy with the loftiest of expectations, believing that the mental health professional will do the work to dig us out of whatever hole we’ve found ourselves in.
But if therapy is to work for you, there are some harsh truths you need to hear in advance. Knowing exactly what to expect will help to set you up for success.
Here are 4 brutal truths real therapists say most people just can't handle hearing
1. Your therapist is not going to tell you what to do
"It's a harsh truth that it is not your therapist's job to tell you what to do. Many clients come to therapy confused about their lives and stuck in unhappy situations.
They hope that their therapist will listen to their story and tell them what they should do. This is not good therapy! Rather, your therapist will help you to sort through your options, guide you, and support whatever decision you think is right. Nobody knows you better than you know yourself, and your therapist does not have to live with the consequences of your decisions. Good therapy is exploration and support."
— Mary Kay Cocharo, Couples Therapist
Adults in the United States are seeking therapy and mental health treatment at increasingly high rates. A survey by the American Psychological Association that surveyed doctoral-level, actively licensed professional psychologists in 2020 and 2021 found that referrals more than doubled over the course of the year, from 37% in 2020 to 62% in 2021.
In addition, almost 7 in 10 psychologists (68%) reported a longer waitlist to see patients in 2021 than the year before. The greatest increases reported by therapists were from people seeking treatment for anxiety disorders, depressive disorders, and trauma or stress-related struggles.
2. Your therapist is not going to change you
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They are going to help you change yourself. Therapy differs from other medical treatments in that it's based on self-directed change that is persistent and consistent, unlike medical procedures, where patients can be relatively passive and issues resolve with minimal effort.
In person-centered therapy, the therapist functions under the assumption that the client knows themselves best, and viable solutions can only come from them. The therapist acts more as a facilitator and support person than as an advisory figure, helping the client recognize their own agency to change or control their circumstances.
3. Therapy is hard work
It requires a tremendous amount of consistent effort, commitment, and trust in the process with your mental health practitioner. Findings from a 2022 study have shown that a strong therapeutic alliance is one of the most important predictors of positive treatment outcomes and adherence to recommendations.
Both parties should be committed to therapeutic rapport-building, recognizing that change takes time and effort, involving regular attendance, session engagement, and follow-through on agreed-upon actions. Participation or involvement in conjunction with homework compliance, which reflects clients' efforts within and between sessions, may more reliably reflect engagement than attendance alone.
4. Therapy requires daily practice
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Sometimes people think that therapy means you give 1 hour a week to a mental health professional. However, to really change your life in a meaningful way, the real work explored in therapy is applied to your life in meaningful, active ways daily between sessions."
— Dr. Cortney Warren, Clinical Psychologist
A study examining 14 controlled studies found that patients in homework conditions reported better outcomes than approximately 70% of those in no-homework conditions. The completion of homework assignments increases clients' ability to generalize therapy skills throughout their lives and increases their sense of self-efficacy.
The long and short of it is that your healing will not just be handed to you. Therapy requires active participation and hard work on your end.
And even after it’s over, you will need to implement what you’ve learned into your daily life. The purpose of it all is to provide you with the tools needed to make lasting changes that will help you to live up to your full potential.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that deliver informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
