The Art Of Closure: 5 Simple Ways To Heal After A Really Good Friendship Falls Apart
Connor Wilkins | Unsplash No matter how cliché it sounds, it’s a hundred percent true: people change. As we grow and evolve as individuals, if we don’t grow together with our loved ones, we outgrow them. It isn’t fair to you or her to remain in a friendship that stunts your growth.
Everyone can agree that breakups are hard! They might not always be as dramatic as portrayed on TV, but they’re still just as devastating — and best friend breakups are admittedly the worst.
In regular relationships, you know breakups can happen, but you never think that you and your best friend will break up. Friendship breakups like these can come as a shock and throw you into a spiral of grief. If you're in this situation and need help finding ways to heal from your grief over losing a friend, look to these steps to help you move on with your life — without them.
Here are 5 simple ways to heal after a really good friendship falls apart:
1. Get closure
You can’t force someone to be your best friend if they no longer want to. You must move on for your own benefit. One-sided friendships do more harm than good. A great way to get closure is by having a final conversation with your ex-best friend on why and how the relationship went wrong. This is an opportunity for you both get the answer to your questions and express your feelings.
In some cases, closure isn’t an option for various reasons. If you can’t talk to them about it, don’t fret. You can have your own closure. Your own closure would consist of you acknowledging the pros and cons of the former relationship and realizing why it should end.
2. Understand that some friendships are meant for a reason or a season
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As harsh as it may sound, friendships end. Understanding that makes the healing process so much easier. Sometimes it truly isn’t your fault. Some people are only meant to stay in your life for a specific season.
A friendship not last forever does not diminish its value at all. A friendship’s value is determined by the experiences and lessons shared. Great memories don’t simply disappear at the end of a friendship. The friendship may be dead in real life, but it’ll live on forever in your memories.
Friendships ending and new ones beginning are just part of life, and researchers who study social connections say this ebb and flow is completely normal. Rather than seeing a friendship's end as some kind of failure, studies show that people don't only feel sadness when friendships dissolve. They often feel happiness and relief, too. That mix of emotions suggests that letting go of certain friendships can actually be good for your mental health.
3. Talk to someone trustworthy
Find an outlet to express your emotions regarding your friendship breakup. A professional therapist would be great, but not everyone can afford or make the time for one. Talking to a trustworthy loved one who gives great advice is a great second choice.
Even writing how you feel in a journal is beneficial as well. The point is, you need to express how you're feeling and not allow it to bottle up inside of you. The process of healing requires you to be aware and transparent about your emotions.
Psychologist James Pennebaker has spent years studying what happens when we open up about our struggles, and his research shows that talking through our problems with someone we trust does more than just feel good in the moment. It can lower stress, boost immune function, and ease both physical and emotional pain. Pennebaker also found that writing about what we're going through offers similar benefits, so even journaling counts as a form of release.
4. Allow yourself to grieve
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It’s fine to be in your feelings. Cry if you need to. Feel how you want to feel. We are entitled to our feelings. No one has the right to tell you how we should feel. You can have an off day — you are human after all. You are not required to plaster yourself with a fake smile to make others comfortable. Allow yourself as much time to grieve as you need, but remember that life goes on.
The grieving stage should not last forever, because if it does, you’ll forget who you once were. Just because you no longer have a best friend doesn’t mean you won’t have more happy moments in your life. You are young, beautiful, and capable, so your life will be filled with many more good times and friendships.
Psychologist Dr. Marisa Franco has a name for this: "disenfranchised grief." It's what happens when the people around you don't really get how much you're hurting. "We grieve in community; others acknowledge the weight of our loss, and it helps us heal," Franco explains. But when nobody treats your friendship ending like a real loss, that pain doesn't just disappear. It sticks around.
5. Put yourself back out there
It’s time you put on your favorite outfit and live your best life! You can’t stay in the house all day and expect to make new friends. You need to go out, have fun, and broaden your horizons. There are tons of great people out there who could make great friends. It’s your job to put yourself out there and remain true to yourself, so the right one will come along.
You may not find a connection like the one you previously shared with your ex-best friend, but that’s okay; you might find one that’s even better. Don’t rush into calling another girl your best friend just for the sake of it. Allow the friendship to flourish organically.
Tamara Sanon is a writer with a passion for covering health and wellness, relationships, astrology, and lifestyle topics. Her bylines have appeared on Unwritten, NSM Today, and Orlando Weekly, among others.
