The Art Of A Better Life: 9 Simple Habits Of People Who Aren't Miserable
These people feel genuinely good most days.
Unai Huizi | Canva Confusion about the future runs rampant during a pandemic — that is expected. But what happens when the chaos continues for longer than anyone imagined? You might be wondering how to change your life while the world is upside-down and you don’t have a clue what your next step should be. Luckily, there are actions you can take to reduce uncertainty and clear the fog.
But first, you need to understand what's causing the internal turmoil, and how it can help you. What if your mind and heart feel confused because they are working things out from the inside? Could it be that you need to give them time?
Suppose, for a moment, that this is not a bad thing. Let’s say it’s OK not to know how to change your life for now. It might start with getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. Confusion can make you extremely uneasy — so much so that you can’t see what is directly in front of you.
Begin by accepting where you are at the moment — exploring new possibilities takes energy. Creating options can be overwhelming. That discovery process also requires you to be open and allow novel ideas to bubble up. For that to happen, you will need to take a pause and make some choices. One way to clear a foggy, miserable mind and change your life by choice is to focus on the things that you can control. What you reap will be clarity, purpose, and motivation.
Here are 9 simple habits of people who aren't miserable:
1. They accept they won’t have all the answers
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No one ever does. What makes you think you should? And another thing: no one is perfect. Stop trying too hard. Just be okay with being human. Take Winona Ryder’s sage advice: "When you finally accept that it’s okay not to have answers, and it’s okay not to be perfect, you realize that feeling confused is a normal part of being human."
Research shows that people with higher tolerance for uncertainty report lower negative affect, higher life satisfaction, greater self-esteem, and increased creativity. In contrast, intolerance of uncertainty is consistently associated with reduced well-being. When it comes to perfectionism, experts define it as a combination of excessively high personal standards and overly critical self-evaluations, and studies have linked this trait with chronic stress, anxiety, depression, and even physical health problems.
2. They let the chips fall where they may
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Since so much in life is beyond our control, it might be time to go with the flow. Focus on your response to events, your interaction within relationships, and keeping positive thoughts. Let everything else take care of itself. It's tough to do, but worth the effort, especially when you’re figuring out how to change your life for the better.
A study of over 1,000 people found that habitual acceptance broadly predicted mental well-being, life satisfaction, and lower depressive and anxiety symptoms, in part because acceptance helps people experience less negative emotion in response to stressors. When there's nothing you can do to change a situation, it's recommended to change your reaction to what's happening instead.
3. They stop dwelling on worst-case scenarios
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When life isn’t going the way you planned, it’s easy to imagine — and expect — the worst. You’ve likely heard this adage: "What you think about, you bring about." Stop the thoughts that drag you into a dark pit of despair. Replace them by thinking of more positive outcomes. It’s just as likely that the best can happen. Think about that, instead.
Catastrophic thinking enhances depressive and anxious symptomatology among adults, teens, and children, research has shown. Positive thinking interventions may have similar immediate emotional benefits as those achieved with cognitive restructuring, with participants' negative affect reducing following both strategies.
4. They stay present
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Concentrating on what got you here will keep you stuck in the past. Likewise, worrying about the future is like praying for what you don’t want. Be in the here-and-now, so you can make choices from that place.
Research has found that people reporting higher levels of dispositional mindfulness also tend to experience positive states of mind and lower levels of depression and anxiety. Both dispositional and state mindfulness predict self-regulated behavior and positive emotional states, proving that staying anchored in the present moment is a validated path to a better life.
5. They focus on what they know for sure
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As you sit in the present, think about all that is true about your situation. Evaluate your skills. Ground yourself in your core values. Tap into all the resources you have at your disposal and gather your support group. Clearing confusion and changing your life can take a village. It’s easier when you don’t try to do it alone.
Core values serve as guiding principles that shape attitudes, actions, and decisions, with research demonstrating that living in alignment with one's values is linked to greater well-being, life satisfaction, and self-esteem. Instead of spiraling into uncertainty or trying to navigate challenges in isolation, take inventory of what's undeniably true and let that solid ground guide your next steps forward.
6. They explore other options
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Let the fun begin as you make plans and sort through choices. Set small goals and try out different alternatives. Take deliberate and thoughtful steps toward achieving your objectives. Forward motion creates momentum, leading to successful outcomes.
This momentum-building process creates what researchers call a positive cycle where progress on goals increases well-being, and these positive emotions motivate the goal-directed behaviors necessary for continued success. By exploring alternatives and taking thoughtful steps forward, you're creating the conditions for lasting happiness.
7. They find the silver linings
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When things get tough, the tough get going. And it helps to keep moving when you notice the good in the bad, and the happy in the sad. If you look hard enough, there are blessings everywhere. Let them light your way.
Some people are naturally better at cognitive reappraisal, research has shown and this trait is consistently linked with good mental health. People who engage in positive reframing exhibit greater resilience, and reframing negative thoughts can decrease symptoms of depression and anxiety.
8. They look for the doors and open them
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Closed doors are not there to keep you out, but to make you curious about what might be behind them. Crack the door open and take a peek — you might be surprised about the opportunity that awaits you.
Daily studies reveal that people who view challenging situations as opportunities to grow and learn, and who actively look for new things or experiences, report higher levels of curiosity associated with greater well-being. Practicing curiosity is associated with enhanced well-being, grit, subjective happiness, and meaning in life, as well as lower rates of depression and fewer negative emotions
9. They enjoy the process of discovery
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Finally, take a deep breath and enjoy the journey as you learn how to change your life. Even when days seem dark and dreary, you can make deliberate choices to stay present, allow your emotions to release, and focus on what you can do to explore new possibilities.
When you look back to see how far you’ve come, you will find yourself in a very different place. Research on goal pursuit and well-being reveals that progress on our goals makes us feel happier and more satisfied with life, with studies showing that we experience the strongest positive emotional response when we make progress on our most difficult goals
María Tomás-Keegan is a certified career and life coach for women, transition expert, and founder of Transition & Thrive with María.
