The Art Of Being Happy: 5 Simple Ways To Be An Unbothered Person
Vinicius Wiesehofer | Unsplash We are programmed to believe that taking care of our mental and emotional state is bad or wrong if it means being self-focused or putting ourselves first. However, this fear of being selfish or unbothered can make you feel stuck and stressed and ultimately, cause you to miss out on your dreams.
Remember: You are important. Your life has meaning. You deserve to be happy. Your dreams are valid — and worth pursuing fully. Sure, it can be absolutely terrifying to go after your dreams! But you know what’s worse? Dying with them still inside. Your life is meaningful. Be selfish. Be unbothered. Let’s change the way that word is used so the definition can finally be accurate and supportive.
Here are 5 simple ways to be an unbothered person:
1. Honor yourself first
It may feel icky at first, but it's the same principle as putting your oxygen mask on first if the plane loses pressure. You're not your best for others if you're not making yourself a priority. What do you need today to feel good about yourself? Could be treating yourself to a latte, taking a nap, or carving out 30 minutes of me-time for a bath with a good book.
Psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff, who pioneered the study of self-compassion at UT Austin, says the core question we should be asking ourselves is simply: "What do I need right now?" And when we actually answer that question honestly, and more importantly, act on it, good things happen.
2. Take every chance you can to grow as a person
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In every situation, there is an important lesson to be learned. Pretend you are in the grandstands and look down from above to see the whole picture. This perspective changes things dramatically. Look for the real meaning of what happens in your day, instead of just getting through it. Life is a lot easier when you learn lessons the first time they are presented.
Research found that when people analyze their feelings from the perspective of an outside observer, they focus less on what happened and more on what it all means. That mental shift of getting outside your own head helps people gain insight rather than just spinning their wheels replaying the same frustrations.
3. Say 'no' to things that don't serve you
Are you a people-pleaser personality style who often automatically says “yes” to things you really don’t want to do? By doing so, you could be enabling someone else to be lazy or irresponsible by doing for them what they need to do for themselves. More importantly, you're taking time away from the things that matter to you most.
If you're worried that declining requests will damage your relationships, you're probably overestimating the fallout. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people significantly overestimate how negatively others will react when they say no to them — many believed the person who invited them would be more disappointed or hurt than they actually were.
4. Say 'yes' to yourself more frequently
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As mentioned above, saying “no” to someone else is another way of saying “yes” to yourself. What have you wanted to do that you haven’t done yet? Do it. Or do something to move yourself closer to that goal by doing the things that make you feel great!
A study from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill found that people who make decisions about how to organize their day-to-day lives based on what will make them happy tend to be, well, happier overall. The findings revealed that people who prioritize things, no matter how small, that bring them joy, experience fewer depressive symptoms.
5. Notice the impact you have
You may feel awful as you begin putting yourself first. Stick with it in a gentle, loving way. Notice how the people who love you are supportive when you say “yes” to yourself and how those who may have been using you walk away. Let them go. I know it may hurt, but you'll be glad later if not sooner.
An added benefit is that this opens up the other dimensions of you, deeper levels of your personality, and the ability to give more love without secretly wanting something back in return. By doing so, you set an excellent example of a woman who values herself, knows what she wants, follows her heart, and goes after her dreams.
And the world needs a lot more of those types of women right now. As you do these 5 things, you will:
- Connect with yourself and your dreams
- Feel like you matter a great deal (because you do)
- Do new things you haven’t done in a while (or ever)
- Know how it feels to stand in your power
That gets your four basic human psychological needs met. Any attention, approval, or love from others is just frosting on your cake and more jet fuel to live those dreams.
Kelly Rudolph is a Certified Life Coach and Hypnotherapist who helps her clients manage stress and experience personal growth through greater confidence.
