The Art Of Aging Gracefully: 11 Ways To Enter Mid-Life With Zero Regrets
Jelena Zelen | Shutterstock Getting older is a transformative process, literally and figuratively. Aging allows us to step into who we're meant to be, but we can feel a strong sense of loss, as well.
There are significant things millennials need to do before turning 45 so they can age without regrets, yet those things have less to do with external goals, and much more to do the emotional work of self-acceptance and giving themselves grace.
11 ways people who age gracefully enter mid-life without regrets:
1. They step into their authenticity
As millennials get ready to cross the threshold from young adulthood to middle age, they need to step into their authentic selves, so they can age without regrets. As a generation who spent their formative years on Facebook and Instagram, millennials know a lot about putting up a photo-ready facade. Being fully authentic is a gift they can give themselves, even if it takes a little work.
Psychologist Cortney Warren defined authenticity as "being true to yourself and acting in a way that reflects your core sense of self. It means that you aspire to be consistently yourself at all times and in all situations; including when you're alone, around others, and in social environments."
As Dr. Warren explained, most of us aim for authenticity because "we want to be grounded in our own skin, secure in who we are, and accept our strengths and weaknesses. We want to be able to live a lifestyle that reflects our inner values, beliefs, personality, and passions."
She shared that exploring what's important to you and living life accordingly helps build up your self-esteem, which allows you to feel comfortable being unabashedly yourself. "Practice appreciating the wonderful things about you," she advised. "When you fall short of how you'd like to be, remind yourself that life is a big learning experiment."
2. They reframe their mistakes as growth opportunities
One of the most important things millennials need to do as the enter mid-life is reframe how they think about their mistakes. It's easy to fall into a self-defeating pattern and stay stuck in the past, but defining ourselves by the places we failed stops us from celebrating all the small victories we've gathered.
According to applied developmental psychologist Deborah Heiser, PhD, humans exist between two emotional poles: fulfillment and regret. We feel fulfilled when our lives feel meaningful and purposeful, when we're involved in relationships that nourish us, instead of depleting us.
We spend most of our lives trying to reach that pole. Regret comes from "believing we could have done something differently or better in our past that would have resulted in happiness."
Yet the truth is that our lives will never look exactly like what we pictured in our imaginations. When we reframe our mistakes, we acknowledge that our past selves were doing the best they could at the time, even if we would have done it differently now. We give ourselves permission to change and keep changing, and soften the harsh edges of regret.
3. They negotiate (and re-negotiate!) their salary
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When it comes to job satisfaction, money isn't everything, but it's a major part of what makes people feel happy with what they do for work. All too often, our sense of self-worth impacts our literal financial worth. We think we're not deserving, so we don't get paid what we're really worth. In order to age without regrets, millennials need to learn how to negotiate their salaries.
Harvard Business School emphasized the importance of knowing your value. After you've considered the contributions you've made to your company, highlight what you'll continue bringing in the future.
When deciding how you want to start negotiations, Harvard Business School advised setting a stretch goal, which is "a result that's difficult to achieve but isn't outside the realm of possibility." You should aim for that goal while "keeping your baseline parameters in mind to limit how far you're willing to compromise... If your employer knows your value, they're more likely to take steps to avoid losing you."
You might not get the exact amount of money you wanted, but by advocating for yourself and asking for what you need, you're putting yourself first and taking steps to limit any professional regrets.
4. They commit to falling and staying in love with themselves
A big part of aging without regrets means aligning your daily life with who you really are. Yet that alignment is impossible to achieve unless you let yourself love yourself.
As millennials stand in one place, looking back on the past and into their futures, they have an amazing opportunity to rewrite the narrative they have for themselves. They get to decide how they want to live the rest of their lives, and they can make the choice to be their own greatest love story.
5. They stop expecting perfection from themselves
As far as generational attitudes go, millennials were raised by baby boomer parents to believe that hard work would not only open doors, it would make them happy. Millennial women, especially, were brought up to believe their productivity was the defining feature of their worth as people, which held them back from feeling like they were enough.
See, there's a thin line between being a high-achiever and a self-defeating perfectionist. As you approach mid-life, you'll want to show yourself grace and stop expecting perfection. You've certainly learned by now that chasing perfection often robs us of the joy we could experience during the process. It can even sabotage success, as it turns everyday goals into insurmountable tasks.
6. They commit to self-care that's actually sustainable
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Along with the message that they had to be perfect, millennials learned to see self-care as a luxury. They learned that self-care was supposed to feel good in the moment, so they equated it with spending money on moisturizers and soaking in a bath of essential oils. Yet true self-care is more about the emotional work we put into ourselves than anything else.
Shifting their focus to see self-care as a sustainable practice is one of the things millennials need to do before turning 40 and 45 so they can age without regrets. They need to nourish all aspects of themselves, and they need to do so in a way that feels good to them, not because some fitness influencer told them what to do.
7. They learn how to quiet their inner critic
One thing that's crucial for anyone reaching mid-life is changing the way they talk to themselves. They need to be able to quiet their inner critic so they can age without regrets.
Observe the moments when your inner critic rears its ugly head and offer yourself compassion in its place. While your inner critic might never disappear completely, you can turn down the volume.
8. They closely guard their internal and external peace
Millennials who are around age 40 need to see their time and energy as precious resources, not something they give away to anyone who asks. Setting boundaries is the only way to protect their peace, and it's a practice that will let them age without regrets.
This is great for your career, as it helps you set boundaries around your time and energy, but it's also crucial in your personal life. The first step to setting your time boundaries is making a list of what your daily time needs are. Ask yourself questions to figure out what you need most.
Sit quietly and imagine what makes you feel peaceful and truly at rest. Do you need time on Sunday mornings to watch some comforting reruns without the kids coming in? Set that up with your partner, co-parent or a sitter. Or maybe it's Wednesday evening yoga.
You may also need to guard your emotional peace with people who violate your trust or make you feel uncomfortable or drained. Limit your time with them so you no longer have to live in survival mode.
9. They take some trips alone
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Solo travel is a great way to connect to yourself on a deeper level and it can be a great way to rid yourself of future regrets as you age.
No matter where you go, there's something really magical that happens when you set off to see the world. You notice things you'd normally ignore. You learn to manage your expectations, tolerate frustrations, and absorb how beautiful life can be. Indeed, traveling makes you a healthier, happier person.
You might not have the money to take a major trip, but you can drive a couple hours to a nearby town. If you can't get away from home at all, you can carve out a couple hours to explore where you live, all on your own. Pretend you're a tourist and take yourself on a tour of everything you want to see most.
10. They get comfortable with vulnerability
Millennials spent their younger years steeped in hipster culture, elevating irony to new heights and swearing off anything that might make it seem like they actually cared. They absorbed the message that looking cool was more important than letting themselves feel things deeply.
As they get closer to the second half of life, millennials benefit from releasing their old patterns and embracing vulnerability. This helps them make deeper connections and to open up in ways that allow them to be truly and deeply loved.
It's for those exact reasons that being vulnerable is so essential. When we're brave enough to share the less appealing parts of our personalities, we can connect with ourselves and the people who truly love us on a much deeper level. "To fully be ourselves we have to be our full selves," Davis concluded.
11. They see a future version of themselves, and they like it
More than anything else, millennials need to appreciate who they're becoming. Yes, that person's body might be different. Their priorities might be shifting, but that's a good thing. They could easily stay stuck in who they once were, but by embracing these changes, they show themselves profound love. They may. miss their carefree 20s, but nothing is better than knowing who you are and how very much you deserve.
Staying present is the best way to live without regrets. millennials need to give thanks to their younger selves and get excited for the future selves they don't know yet. They can either see middle age as an endpoint, or they can see it as an entirely new beginning.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
