If You’ve Given Your Partner These 9 Simple Things, You’re A Better Wife Than Most
Sorin Basangeac | Unsplash It's tempting to assume men only want two things: steak and love. Entire days are devoted to perpetuating these kinds of cliches, yet they're humorous for men because we're amused that women assume this false notion is all we want.
We're quite complicated creatures, and although probably not as baffling as any space alien, men have secret wish lists of emotional needs that you may or may not be meeting.
Yet, we're almost simplistic in our desires — so simple, in fact, that few women don't notice the fine line between our usual stoic persona and a deep funk brought on by a lack of reciprocated interest.
If you’ve given your partner these 9 simple things, you’re a better wife than most:
1. A moratorium on drama
We give you the occasional free pass to freak out about something that seems rather trivial upon next-day, post-caffeine retrospect. This doesn't mean a free pass to cause a scene in front of our friends or family, though. Research found that the ability to stay calm during disagreements doesn't just benefit the wife but actually increases marital happiness for both spouses over time.
2. Romance
Studio Romantic / Shutterstock
Crazy, right? What guy would scoff at you for bringing him a present, a token of affection once in a while, or cooking him a steak, and then telling him that he's amazing and sweet? Honestly, I'm getting a tear in my eye just writing that.
Researchers at the University of Florida found that giving and receiving affectionate communication strongly contributes to relationship satisfaction. When partners expressed their affection in ways their loved ones preferred to receive it, they experienced greater satisfaction and felt more committed to the relationship.
3. The truth
The reason many guys have control-freak issues is that they have a sixth sense about being lied to. (Another reason they have control freak issues is that they're control freaks; learn to spot these guys in advance and avoid them like an Ebola outbreak.)
Next time your man says, "Who were you with?" give him the excruciating play-by-play, who was there, what the latest gossip on Cindy's crazy ex-husband, which bars you went to, everything except the bathroom breaks. This way, not only does he feel completely assured, but he'll never pester you again about what you did.
4. Silence
Some of us aren't as loquacious as our lady friends might like. But generally, it has nothing to do with you, and we're not up for talking about it.
Many men (and women!) have a biological need for alone time to restore their well-being and process stress, research has confirmed. Rather than talking through problems immediately, men often need solo time to decompress and work through their emotions on their own terms.
5. The occasional dinner
Of course, you don't have to cook for us every night, nor do you have to pretend to like our bow-tie pasta with Ragu specialty. But a middle ground where you occasionally whip up our favorite Bolognese after an incredibly trying day is like the reverse of us taking you shoe shopping.
6. A sense of humor
Every guy in America has this phrase on his personal profile under the "What I'm looking for" category. Should you dismiss it because, well, you thought The Hangover was funny?
No, because what a sense of humor really translates to is "Are you relaxed, in the moment, and bantering with me?" If the answer is "often not," we're going to think you're distracted and probably wondering how to extricate yourself from this tedious relationship.
7. An ear to listen
Migma__Agency / Shutterstock
We hear you when you say that men don't open up. When you sense we have just received some upsetting news, make it clear you'll listen, but then drop it immediately. We'll come to you with the answers when we're ready to deal with bringing it all up again, which may be never if it turns out to be no biggie. Don't take it personally.
A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that high-quality listening creates emotional safety and helps partners feel understood without pressure. Being available and showing you care without forcing a conversation creates the conditions where your partner naturally opens up when they're ready.
8. Partnership
It may not necessarily be the matrimony of your girlhood dreams, but we do want to form a more perfect union with you — permanently. We may be hesitating because we worry that we're making the right choice, that we're meant to be together forever, rather than just proposing to you. After all, we've been together for a couple of years.
Maybe we need more time to settle in, but it's not because we're still thinking about other women. We care about you, and that's why we're carefully weighing this decision. Clinical psychologists found that a common fear men have about commitment involves worrying about making the right decision. Many men hesitate not because they don't want commitment but because they fear making a mistake or choosing the wrong time, leading them to overthink the decision.
9. An end to game-playing
This is a sort of bookend to the moratorium on drama. Everyone thinks it's cute to toy with the boys when you're starting, calling them back days later and seeming disinterested.
In the end, this only has two possible outcomes: 1) we'll be put off by your lack of interest and go with a stronger choice, or 2) we'll pursue you for so long you'll assume we're in a relationship, except we're still figuring out whether all that bird-dogging was worth catching the one.
Brian Fairbanks is a freelance writer who has appeared in the Guardian, Business Insider, and the New York Press, among others.
