10 Encouraging Clues A Person’s Heart Isn’t Stuck On Their Ex Anymore, According To Psychology
They left their ex in the past.
Pexels | Canva The worst part of a breakup is not knowing how long it takes to get over a broken heart. At first, it feels like you'll never figure out how to move on.
While you'll probably always feel some type of way for your ex and the relationship that you had, slowly but surely you'll start seeing the signs you're finally getting over your ex.
We sympathize with those of you who were still pining over an ex (we cyberstalk our exes sometimes, too), and we're hoping this article will help you in your process of getting over a breakup. It might just be the catalyst you need to move past that toxic purgatory.
Here are 10 encouraging clues a person’s heart isn’t stuck on their ex anymore, according to psychology:
1. They don't feel homicidal when the ex starts dating someone else
In fact, they're thrilled for both of them. Especially since they're the ones who set them up in the first place. After all, just because the two of them didn't work out doesn't mean their ex shouldn't find happiness with someone else.
On the flip side, if their ex happened to know someone who might just be their soulmate, they're sure they'd do the same for you.
2. They feel no urgent need to return their phone calls, texts, and emails
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Because their ex no longer holds the number one spot in their heart. And it's not as if they're going to see the error of theot ways simply because they're prompt.
While specific research does not definitively label feeling no urgent need to return an ex's calls and texts as a direct sign of being over them, it aligns with the principles of the 'no contact rule' and healthy emotional processing after a breakup. However, research does suggest that cutting off communication can aid healing and moving on by reducing exposure to triggers and negative emotions.
3. They are interested in other people
When they first broke up, they hit the bar scene in earnest with their best pals, but their heart just wasn't it, no matter how many jolly rancher shots they plied the, with.
But just the other day, that bartender smiled at them, and they experienced a moment of zing! And yesterday evening, they brushed shoulders with Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome as they were picking up their kids from school, and their stomachs did flip-flops. It looks like you're ready to date again!
4. They now realize that a lot of their ex's personality "quirks" were annoying or lame
Like the fact that they were a compulsive liar. Or the fact that they constantly preened in front of the full-length mirror, making it really difficult for them to get dressed in the morning. If they're done seeing them through rose-colored glasses, they're over them.
As one processes the end of a relationship, they often reassess their former partner's personality, sometimes with a newfound perspective. Clinical psychologist Nick Wignall explained that this could involve recognizing flaws previously overlooked or downplayed and realizing that some of those quirks were annoying.
5. They consider their relationship a learning experience
When they think back on the happy memories the two of them created together, they can't help but smile. Yes, there were serious problems, but now, they thank their lucky stars they know what to look out for in the future.
And that awful angst they experienced during their breakup and subsequent mourning period? It only made them stronger.
6. They no longer blame them for everything
In the past, the bitterness they experienced due to their breakup caused them to inject spiteful comments about them into every conversation. Thank God that's over and done with.
While there isn't a definitive study stating that ceasing to blame an ex is a sole indicator of being over them, it is often considered a significant sign of progress in processing the end of a relationship. Clinging to blame can be a way of maintaining a connection to the ex and preventing emotional vulnerability. Conversely, moving past blame suggests a degree of emotional detachment and acceptance of the relationship's conclusion.
7. When they meet someone new, they don't automatically compare them to their ex
Not only that, but they're not even tempted to bring them up on a first date. Instead, they're truly interested in learning more about this new person's life and, when asked about their own, are able to present themself as a person with hobbies and interests separate from those they shared with their old partner.
8. They think of themself as single, not as someone who's just gotten out of a relationship
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They've wallowed in self-pity for long enough, and are again ready to embrace the fun, adventure, and boundless possibilities inherent in singledom. If they're excited to be single, they've put their ex in the past, where they belong.
This shift in self-perception reflects a change in mindset, moving beyond the active grief and longing associated with a recent breakup and towards a more independent and future-oriented perspective. Research indicates that individuals who fear being single may hold onto a past relationship more intensely. Conversely, accepting oneself as single can be a sign that one is more comfortable with being alone and less prone to lingering attachment to an ex.
9. They truly feel that the relationship wasn't meant to be
And that they're that much closer to finding the one they are supposed to be with. While feeling a relationship wasn't 'meant to be' can be a sign of moving on, it's not a definitive indicator. It's a complex emotional process, and the specific meaning can vary.
Research suggests that acknowledging the end of a relationship and the possibility of a better future can be a part of healing. Still, it's essential to consider the context and individual experiences.
10. They try to think of their ex's middle name or phone number, and can't recall it
Congratulations! The unnecessary detritus from their time together has been officially flushed from their system. Now they can go out and find someone who doesn't give them chronic migraines. Or they just take it easy and spend some quality time with someone super-important: Themselves.
Alex Alexander is a pseudonym. The author of this article is known to YourTango but is choosing to remain anonymous.
