Gen X Women Who've Seen It All Are Pretty Much Done Tolerating 10 Things In Relationships & Life
Ekaterina Byuksel | Shutterstock I don’t know exactly when my tolerance went on permanent hiatus. I just know it’s not coming back.
I’m older now, and there are things I once would have accommodated, tolerated, explained away, or politely endured that I simply cannot be bothered with anymore. Some are serious. Some are men. Some are moths. And some are people who stop at the top of escalators.
10 things Gen X women are done tolerating in both relationships and in life:
1. Asking permission to live your own life
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When “Can I?” becomes “Just letting you know.”
A girlfriend came down to visit me the other night. We had a glass of wine, another old friend joined us, and the conversation turned to where our lives are now.
My friend has been with her partner for almost 20 years. She told us that she used to ask permission to do things. Could she come down and see me? Could she go to Queensland for the weekend to visit her niece?
And every time, there would be a performance. These days, she doesn’t ask.
“I’m going to Kim’s.”
“I’m going to Queensland for the weekend.”
That’s it. She told me she no longer tolerates the emotional blackmail. She’s done negotiating for permission to live her own life. And really, why should she?
2. When a male friend wants to be more than a friend
Sir, please remain in the friendship zone assigned to you. Speaking of the old friend who joined us that night: Why does this keep happening?
A reader recently said to me, “Oh, you’re one of those women who thinks men and women can be friends.”
Well, yes. I do. At least, I think I do. Because if I’m going by my own track record, it’s not looking particularly promising.
This was someone I once thought of almost like a brother. We hadn’t seen each other in twenty years; we got back in touch, and it was lovely to see him.
Then came the little hints that maybe he was hoping for something more. Oh.
Now I have to think about whether I’m being too friendly. Whether replying to a message will encourage something. Whether I need to have an awkward conversation with someone I genuinely like and don’t want to hurt.
I don’t want to deal with having to deal with it. Can’t we just be friends? Please?
3. Being made responsible for everyone else’s feelings
I have officially resigned from unpaid emotional management.
“You’re making me angry.”
“You made me feel bad.”
“You made me react like this.”
Nope. Even my teenage son tries this one occasionally, and I pull him up on it every time.
Of course, the way we treat people affects how they feel. I’m not suggesting we can behave like jerks and then declare everyone else’s reaction their problem.
But your emotions are ultimately yours to deal with. I spent enough years monitoring moods, smoothing things over, and wondering what I could do to make somebody else feel better.
I’m done with that job. Your feelings matter. They just aren’t mine to manage. That department is closed.
4. Having to download another app
I already bought the thing. Why are there seventeen more steps? Why does everything need an app? Want to stream something from free-to-air TV? Download the app. Buy security cameras for your house? Download the app.
I bought Ring cameras recently and, of course, needed an app to use them. Then I discovered I also had to pay about five bucks a month to keep my recordings. Of course I did.
Download. Create an account. Make another password. Verify your email. Add your payment details. Agree to seventeen pages of terms and conditions nobody has read since 2009. All to use something I already bought. Enough. Just let the thing work.
5. The woman I also divorced
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Some relationships should expire automatically with the marriage. When I left my first husband, there were obviously some difficult things about divorce. But there was also one private little celebration happening inside me:
I never have to deal with my mother-in-law again. Look, she’s all right. I don’t hate the woman. But she’s opinionated, controlling, and has an extraordinary ability to make me want to leave a room.
Last week, on my birthday, my phone rang while I was with my daughter — who happens to be her granddaughter and still talks to her regularly. I looked at the screen.
“Ugh. It’s her.”
And put the phone back down. No. I divorced your son twenty years ago. I’m pretty sure I divorced you too. You’ve got the kids. Talk to them. What do you want from me?
6. Visitors who don’t know when the visit is over
I love you. I’m very glad you came. Please leave my house. It’s been lovely to see you. Really.
But it’s been four hours now. You’re still talking, and I’m smiling and nodding while trying to send you telepathic messages with my mind.
Please go. Please go. Please just go.
7. You’re calling me? Out of the blue?
This could have been a text. If you’re not one of my kids, my parents, or my best friend, text me. Which is quite ironic for a Gen-Xer.
We grew up answering phones without having the slightest clue who was on the other end. The phone rang. You answered it. That was the deal. Not anymore.
I rarely answer my phone unless I know who’s calling, and I actually have the energy for the conversation.
My second ex-husband called me today. I looked at my phone. Nope.
I haven’t called him back. I haven’t even messaged to ask what he wanted. The kids are here. They’re safe. Everyone’s fine. Whatever it is, I’m sure he’ll figure it out. A ringing phone is an invitation, not a summons.
8. The one-word 'Hi' text
State your business immediately. Fine. Don’t call me. Text me. But don’t just write Hi and leave it there. What do you want?
Whenever my eldest son texts me a one-word "Hi," I already know something is coming. Usually, he wants to borrow money. So these days, I skip the social niceties and reply, What do you want now?
Just tell me. Be clear. Be upfront. Get to the point.
9. People who stop in the exact place nobody should ever stop
Spatial awareness is free. Please consider acquiring some. The other day, I was walking into the supermarket when the woman directly in front of me came through the doors and just stopped.
Right there. Not off to the side. Not somewhere that didn’t have six people trying to get through behind her. Right in the entrance. Why do people do this?
They do it at the top of escalators too. Step off, stop, look around, and maybe contemplate where they’ll go next while the rest of us keep arriving behind them on a machine that doesn’t stop moving.
Doorways. Supermarket aisles. Entrances. Exits. Move first. Figure out your life afterward.
I don’t think Gen-X women have really lost our emotional range. I think we’ve just become a lot more selective about what gets access to it.
We’ve spent decades dealing with other people’s moods, keeping the peace, answering the phone, being polite, making allowances, and putting up with stuff we didn’t particularly want to put up with. Something had to give.
These days, I’m a lot more careful about where that capacity goes. I’d rather save it for the people and things that matter to me. And right now, moths, unnecessary apps, ex-mothers-in-law, and people who stop at the top of escalators don’t make the cut.
What about you? What don’t you have the emotional range for anymore?
10. Land of the moths
There is a number at which “gently release them outside” stops being reasonable. I’m currently living in the land of the moths. And when I say land of the moths, I mean moth-mania.
They’re everywhere. The other morning, I went into the garage to feed the cats and walked into a swarm. There must have been 200 of them in there. I blow them out. I vacuum them up. I spray them.
“Oh, please don’t harm the moths. Just cup them and release them outside,” they say.
Yeah, okay. Would you like to come over and cup a thousand moths a day at my house? Because I’m not cupping them. I’m spraying, man.
There’s actually a name for the fear of moths: mottephobia. I didn’t have it two weeks ago. I do now.
Apparently, they’ve been blown off course during their annual migration and onto the coast, where they’ve discovered my town and decided it’s lovely here.
I’m exhausted. I’m over them. My emotional range for moths is officially gone. They can leave now.
Kim Petersen is a USA Today bestselling author who writes about relationships, culture, and midlife insight. Her work explores independence, emotional maturity, and the psychology of connection.
