Son & Daughters Usually Feel Very Differently About The Sacrifices Their Mom Made For Them
Zapylaieva Hanna | Shutterstock Sometimes, children can take what their parents do for granted. Even though moms might work the hardest they can to give their children a good life and sacrifice a lot, it's often not until later that kids appreciate it.
As it turns out, sons and daughters often feel differently about the sacrifices that their mothers make, which comes down to empathy. Once they're grown up, the differences are so stark, it's almost startling.
Sons & daughters usually perceive their mom's sacrifices very differently from one another:
This concept originally came from the work of of Brazilian writer Ana Beatriz Abreu, who wrote "Sons admire their mothers’ sacrifices. Daughters try to escape them" on her Substack. This was shared by on social media and has since captured many people's attention. While it's not based on sociological or psychological research, the insights are pretty powerful.
Sons see their mom's sacrifices as admirable acts of love
Zapylaieva Hanna | Shutterstock
Unlike their sisters, sons often have a more complicated view of the sacrifices their mother made for them. As children, they see their mother's sacrifices as love. While she may be working every night for long hours, only to show up in the early mornings before they had to go off to school, they often respect her for it.
As Bruno, who summarized Abreu's essay on Instagram explains, "the son remembers the clean house, the clean clothes, the hot food" and views that as evidence of love.
As teenagers, when sons begin to strive for independence and freedom, they may overlook all their mother has done for them while they pursue independence. This is normal in the teenage years, writes Dr. Christine Carter, as parents hand over "the decision-making reins over to our teens" but they often grow up and truly admire these things.
However, there's a dark side to this admiration. In essence, the son grows up to believe that a woman sacrificing for the well-being of men and boys is natural and obligatory, and that is a problem.
Daughters want to avoid the same self-sacrificing fate for themselves
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Children, regardless of gender, can demonstrate empathy at a young age, but it's possible daughters are more emotionally connected to their moms' experiences than sons. The bond between mother and daughter is so crucial that, "Connectedness was found to be positively correlated to daughters' self-esteem. The parental connectedness has an importance in decreasing the risk of negative psychological and behavioral outcomes on adolescents and increasing power of the girls."
In essence, a daughter sees all those sacrifices as a warning because she sees how hard it is for her mom and truly feels the pain of what her mom has given up. Unlike a son, she doesn't go looking for someone to sacrifice in the same way for her as an adult. Instead, she looks for ways to avoid losing her identity to her children and/or spouse in the future.
Like boys, daughters might not understand fully the hardships that come with being a parent. They too might see their mother providing for them day in and day out and take this as them being a good mom. All grown up, daughters come to fully recognize what it means to be a mother who'll do anything for her children's happiness, but they often don't want to do the same.
At least not in the same way, and that actually shows profound respect for what her mother gave up in order to provide for her children.
Allison Peterson is a writer with a degree in English from the University of Nevada, Reno. She writes on relationships, lifestyle, and mental health topics.
