Kids Who Were Always Lonely Often Have 6 Self-Defeating Habits As Adults
NadyaEugene | Shutterstock When a childhood is lonely, it can have damaging effects later on in life and even lead to self-defeating habits.
For a child who spent most of their time on their own or being ignored by the adults in their home, becoming a grown up is especially difficult. They develop an unhealthy lifestyle as a result, and create more loneliness for themselves.
Lonely kids often develop these self-defeating habits as adults
1. They're afraid to get close to others
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Kids who grow up lonely become used to their parents not being there when they need them most. When they become adults, they're fearful of forming connections with anyone and keep their distance.
They fear being abandoned and find it hard to trust easily. And if they do happen to get close to someone, they still aren't fully emotionally present.
Pushing people away is a defense mechanism that allows people to protect themselves from ever facing rejection. But when they push others away so they don't feel abandoned, it just makes things worse.
2. They refuse to ask for help
Even if their parents were physically there, lonely children knew they couldn't rely on anyone. If they had a problem, they couldn't just turn to an adult for support. They had to deal with things on their own.
Yes, it helped them become independent, but as adults, they now struggle to reach out to anyone in times of need. Even if someone offers to help them, they have a hard time accepting that help because it's unfamiliar. They might worry that asking for help makes them look needy.
3. They overthink everything
Lonely children who were excluded often become adults who pay attention to little details. After a conversation with someone, they run through the interaction over and over again, dwelling on things that seemed significant but actually weren't.
They worry if their response was good enough or if they made a fool of themselves. If someone's tone changes or they respond bluntly, they fear they've done something wrong. They immediately assume the worst, and it becomes tiring for all future conversations.
As psychologist Nick Wignall pointed out, "Most people with a severe habit of overthinking developed the habit early in life, often as a child. And they usually developed it because, at the time, it was the only way they had to deal with scary, difficult experiences."
4. They cling to flaky people
Because they were likely ignored or not given much attention, when lonely children become adults, someone noticing them and paying attention to their needs matters quite a lot. But it makes them susceptible to seeking out unreliable and inconsiderate people.
Imagine a lonely person starts a relationship, but that person constantly flakes out. They don't show up and make excuses for their behavior. But since that person shows them affection, they overlook all of those flaws and red flags.
They have such a strong need for affection that they're willing to look past a person's true nature.
5. They hide their feelings
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Taught to work through their own issues as a kid, it was impossible for them to turn to anyone for support. They didn't express their emotions and may have been made to feel like they were a burden.
So, as adults, they hide how they actually feel. It's a way to protect themselves, but also how they distance themselves from others. They don't tell people when they're struggling because they don't want to be a bother. It's just easier for them to depend on themselves, despite how beneficial it is to release emotions or confide in another person.
6. They have low self-esteem
With no way to express how they felt and no parent to receive attention from, lonely kids grow into adults who have low self-esteem.
According to mental health coach Darius Cikanavicius, "In order for a child to develop a healthy and accurate self-esteem, they need mirroring, attunement, and validation from the caregiver. If the child doesn't get enough of it, their ability to self-assess is stunted or even damaged."
As a result, they may also compare themselves to others. If they see someone being successful, they reflect on their failures and put themselves down. They think their lives are miserable when they look at how well everyone else is doing.
Allison Peterson is a writer with a degree in English from the University of Nevada, Reno. She writes on relationships, lifestyle, and mental health topics.
