Kids Raised By Parents Who Did Everything For Them Usually Carry Some Concerning Habits Into Adulthood
AnnaStills | Shutterstock When kids can't fend for themselves because their parents take over and basically do everything for them, their self-esteem takes a hit. They cope with their insecurity by developing habits that follow them as they grow up.
A majority of Americans say that they believe parents are doing too much for their children, causing the kids to mature much later than older generations. There has to be a happy place in between helicoptering and letting kids run feral. If parents don't teach kids to be independent, they won't suddenly become that way just because they turn 18.
6 habits kids carry into adulthood when they are raised by helicopter parents:
1. They rely on others
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Doing everything for a child undermines their belief in themselves and their skills. When a parent insists on doing even the smallest tasks for them, it teaches them they may not be capable, because even one of the closest people to them doesn't think they can.
Of course, this may not be true. The parent might just prefer to pour the milk or take over homework because it is just faster. What the child sees, though, is that their parent doesn't think they are capable. As adults, that lack of confidence turns into reliance on others to pick up the slack.
2. They are impulsive
Kids learn how to regulate emotions through play. With a helicopter parent, this becomes difficult. Parents, of course, should play with their kids, but they shouldn't try to control the games. It's how they learn to socialize in a healthy way.
Research has even shown that when kindergarten-aged kids are playing or even given a task, if their parents step in to help, they are more likely to struggle with behavioral issues or even emotional outbursts when doing other things.
3. They don't try
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Parents who do everything for their kids are basically coddling them. Their kids never struggle, and eventually they stop trying because the minute something seems slightly inconvenient, they throw their hands up in defeat.
Peter Gray, a research professor at Boston College, explained, "Students are increasingly seeking help for, and apparently having emotional crises over, problems of everyday life." He went on to describe how "two students had sought counseling because they had seen a mouse in their off-campus apartment."
4. They give up easily
Children are not innately persistent, no matter how much they keep begging for that toy or video game. Every trait that we, as humans, have is learned.
A study published in the Child Development journal states, "Children need to learn to persist through challenges, yet adults sometimes step in to solve problems for them." If adults always step in to solve problems for them, like parents who do everything for their kids, they will never learn to be persistent.
As adults, that lack of persistence means they give up easily. It could be something as simple as finding a doctor covered by their health insurance. If they don't know where to start, they simply quit because they lack that drive to keep trying.
5. They are smart but can't take care of themselves
Parents who do everything for their children hinder their independence. When they reach adulthood, they go out into the world without knowing who they really are and how to simply take care of themselves.
Julie Lythcott-Haims, Dean of Freshmen at Stanford University, says that although her students are impressive on paper, with incredible GPAs and SAT scores, they are useless as functioning adults. She explained, "These kids couldn’t do much for themselves, and still relied on mom and dad to help them. They were constantly on the phone with their parents asking for advice, and requesting that they take care of basic tasks like registering them for classes, sending them special packages, advising them on their homework, and even contacting professors if they did not receive the perfect grade."
6. They avoid making decisions
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When parents do everything for their child, that child develops decision-making issues. When someone makes all the decisions for them from a young age, why would they grow up able to make their own decisions?
This isn't the same as asking for advice, which everyone does. This means avoiding decisions on everything from simple things like what to eat for dinner to more complex tasks like making financial decisions.
Lyss Micalizzi is a writer covering human interest and pop culture, with a master’s in Literature and Culture, a bachelor’s in English Literary and Textual Studies, and over six years of writing and social media experience. Their work is driven by the belief that stories are what make us human.
