People Who Enjoy Being Around Fewer People As They Get Older Often Have 5 Things In Common
Los Muertos Crew | Canva I used to love meeting new people and going out for coffee or lunch to get to know them. I enjoyed spending time with people doing all sorts of fun things. I was the person people gravitated toward for excitement, the life of the party. Now, I am practically a recluse. And a happy one at that.
These days, I am usually relieved when plans to spend time with people are canceled. It takes every ounce of energy and commitment that I can muster to meet up with others. I use the Meetup app, and I overthink whether to reply “yes” and commit to an outing. I also loathe chitchat, and I can sense insincerity or manipulation like a hawk these days.
So what is wrong with me? Can you relate? Am I a bad person for feeling this way?
People who enjoy being around less people as they get older have these things in common:
1. They want peace and lower stress levels
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Older people love working on hobbies that bring contentment, or doing activities they couldn't do when they were younger.
There is literally nothing I would rather do than work on my hobbies. I’m a gardener and woodworker, crafter and decorator, writer and reader, and nature lover. I am learning to sew and knit, and I would rather learn something—whether a new language or how to refurbish a loveseat—than spend time chit-chatting with people.
I am not suggesting that I don’t care about others. I care about humanity as a collective; my writing reflects that. However, I prefer to spend time only with my small family, a good friend, or my husband.
2. They love freedom
You might not be aware, but time still flies for older people as it does for younger ones. I still wonder where the day has gone! Time is limited, and spending time alone allows for more freedom. Socializing for the heck of it is not at the top of the priority list.
Solitude allows older folks the chance to manage their energy levels and schedule activities without outside demands. I can’t speak for anyone else, but the prior demands of a career, motherhood, dating, marriage, divorce, and relationships, not to mention the unexpected challenges that life threw at me, make solitude at this point in my life pure gold.
3. They're emotionally stable
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Older folks with a lifetime of experience in all facets of life know how to regulate their emotions more than younger people; research shows. For this reason, they are content on their own, without the drama people bring. Me too!
4. They like introspection
Older people, similar to writers, introspect, dissect, and think about things more than most people. As an older adult, pondering my life, its ups and downs, my mistakes and accomplishments is something I do more now.
Time alone, especially in my garden, gives me that opportunity. Solitude can also give way to spiritual practice or grieving. Introverts, especially, crave time alone to contemplate.
5. They want to conserve energy
Lastly, older men and women have learned where to spend their energy. Sitting around listening to drama, gossip, or arguing with strangers about anything is a waste of time. It is unnecessary, takes away from the precious time we have left, and sucks our energy.
I wish I had learned this lesson in my 20s. As one of my favorite writers, Gabriel García Márquez, said, “The secret of a good old age is simply an honorable pact with solitude.”
I am learning that desiring solitude heals me. My company is good, and I embrace that now. I’m not in my youthful prime anymore, wanting to explore bars and nightclubs or chasing nonsense, and that’s okay. Maybe I am normal. Maybe I am right where I need to be.
Vilma G. Reynoso is a writer, essayist, blogger, and gardening enthusiast near the Rockies. She writes about culture, society, human rights, life and inspiration, wellness and growth, vegan and plant-based living, travel, hobbies, and other timely topics.
