Retired People Are Tired Of Being Expected To Do 8 Things For Everyone Else
Roman Samborskyi | Shutterstock While our parents are adjusting to life as retirees, we often expect more from them, whether we realize it or not. Instead of acknowledging that they’re older and deserve time to relax after decades in the workforce, we often see them as resources.
While their adult children may not think twice about it, they may be stressing out their aging family members. At this stage, we should be prioritizing our retired loved ones' peace rather than expecting them to do things for us.
Retired people are often tired of being expected to do these things for their loved ones:
1. Constant babysitting
Being a grandparent is special. Helping with grandchildren can help older adults keep their memories and verbal skills as they age. However, just because this is true doesn’t mean they want to be on-call to watch your kids. They value their time with them, of course, but they’d likely prefer to stay that way rather than become a stand-in parent when their adult children are busy.
It’s not unusual to rely on your parents for childcare at times. However, expecting them to watch the kids just because they are retired isn’t fair. They deserve to have their own lives as well.
2. House-sitting while everyone else is out jet-setting
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Many people trust their parents more than anyone else in their lives. This makes them the first person they’d ask to watch their house and pets while they go out of town. A strong relationship between parents and adult children is special, but it can cross a line. Instead of asking, they’ll assume they’re available to step in, no questions asked.
While they feel taken advantage of in these moments, they may also feel left out. Instead of being invited to enjoy time away with them, they’re expected to do the work around the house their children can’t do while on vacation. It can make them feel lonely and used.
3. Being a financial safety net
If you have a parent who lends you money when you’re in need, you know how special that is. When things get tough, most of us turn to our parents for help (or wish we could). Some of us even turn to our retired aunts and uncles or grandparents, when possible.
They can’t always help us remedy our financial problems, but they often try. A study found that 75% of adults, regardless of where they stand economically, help support their adult children financially, which can become increasingly difficult in retirement. They may struggle to stay afloat and then are expected to help their kids.
Most parents are happy to help their adult children, but it can become disappointing when they overstep. Relying on retired family members to pay their bills or rent can create a wedge in what was a supportive relationship.
4. Picking up and dropping off grandchildren from school
‘You’re home anyway, so why can’t you just do it?’ This is a question retired people hear from their loved ones. Instead of recognizing that their parents have a life they should be allowed to enjoy, too, they expect them to be there to bring the kids to and from their important events. It doesn’t matter if they want to do their hobbies or spend time with their fellow retirees. Being a taxi service to their grandchild might take up all their time.
Retired people have an additional seven work weeks, so to speak, to enjoy themselves. However, they end up doing things for other people instead of spending their time how they choose. That’s not to say they don’t enjoy their grandkids, but the constant taxiing around can become exhausting.
5. Acting as a handyman and mechanic
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My dad may not be retired yet, but he sure gets a lot of calls to help me with things, especially car problems. Any light that comes on is a call to him. I don’t even bother to look it up, which shows how much I rely on him. Thankfully, he’s a good sport about it, but when I was a teenager with a Mini Cooper that broke down every other week, he was for sure sick of me.
Many retired people seek tasks to make them feel fulfilled in their daily lives. However, it’s more beneficial for them to focus on life-affirming hobbies.. From spending time with family to keeping their minds sharp with games and puzzles, there are better ways to spend their time than helping their kids with their car or house problems.
They will probably help, but it's important to ask first instead of assuming. Oh, and thank them, too!
6. Hosting family events
It’s a lot of work for older adults to host all of the holiday events, even if they love doing it. This becomes a problem when their adult children expect it from them because they’ve always done it in the past, and even worse when their kids and grandkids don't even offer to help, especially with clean-up.
The mental and physical strain of cooking and serving dinner, prepping the house, and cleaning up (just to name a few) can be taxing. They may wish their children would offer, but are afraid to ask. Just because they have more free time doesn’t mean everyone should assume they'll always do it on their own.
This is an emotional topic because many people hold their family traditions close. Older adults may wish they could keep hosting, but the expectations and work are difficult to handle as they get older.
Regardless of whether they can do it or not, their kids and other younger relatives should ask their retired loved ones whether they're up for it. If so, it would be helpful to ask for specific ways to be of help and then follow through on those.
7. Being the family’s personal driver
When you’re retired, the people in your life often assume you have all the time in the world. Instead of calling an Uber to go to the airport or pick up their car from the mechanic, their retired loved ones become who they call. Like being expected to take the kids to school and bring them to their appointments, their adult children may assume they’ll do the same for them. I mean, what else could they possibly be doing?
While they may have been up for it before, growing older can affect some people's outlook on things like this. They can find these little tasks exhausting, which can take a toll on them in the long run.
Yes, some retired folks absolutely love doing these little driving errands. They find time in the car to be a perfect itme to talk and connect without interruptions. But, like all these other chores, their younger relatives and loved ones shouldn't just assume they'll be the taxi driver just because they're retired.
8. Making themselves available for 24/7 emotional support
Okay, I’ll be honest. I'm a grown adult and I still call my parents with the littlest problems. While I think I’m just venting, I’m really seeking their reassurance and validation. While thinking about this list, I've realized how fortunate I have been to have my parents to turn to for support. It's such a natural feeling, I don't even think about it.
Retirees seek leisure, relaxation, and fun in their post-work life, not just to answer a million calls from their kids. They finally have the time to do whatever they want, when they want and when they’re playing therapist to their adult children, it can be overwhelming, taking a toll on their emotional and mental health.
If you're like me and lucky enough to have retired family members who show up for you, start by thanking them for any and all of the things they do for you on this list. Appreciation goes a long way toward helping them feel like their sacrifice time and energy is worth it.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
