Kids Raised By Messy & Casual Parents Usually Say 8 Phrases Often When They Grow Up
Nuva Frames | Shutterstock Clutter creates stress for everyone, including kids raised by parents who have a very casual attitude about what constitutes being tidy.
We all get messy now and again, but growing up in a mess that's never cleaned up means not learning the basic skills of keeping life organized. As adults, they'll drop hints about just how messy their parents were in the phrases they use when talking to you.
Phrases kids raised in messy homes by casual parents say when they grow up:
1. ‘Can we go to your place?’
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It's hard to keep a tidy house if you grew up in a messy one. Chances are when these kids grow up, they'll harbor shame about their living space, even if it’s much less messy than the one they grew up in.
In fact, it just becomes easier to avoid having people over, something they probably also did when they were young. The self-consciousness and emotional regulation struggles that living in a chaotic home prompted in these kids are now manifesting in isolating ways.
2. ‘Can you clean that up?’
Many kids in messy homes with parents who were chill about it likely developed anxiety about the clutter. They had little control over their living space, so, as adults, they’re hyper-controlling.
They manage everyone and everything around them because they had no control over how their house looked. It's not exactly easy to live with if you are in a relationship with them because even if you like to be tidy, it likely won't be enough for them.
3. ‘Let me do it for you’
Control is the name of the game for anyone raised in a house with parents who were laid back about household chores. They have to be in control, partially to deal with anxious thoughts, but also to compensate for the chaos they felt as kids. That can unfortunately lead to perfectionist tendencies.
No one can load the dishwasher quite right, and they certainly don't make the bed or dust properly. They'll take on all the cleaning tasks themselves, even if their roommate or partner wants to help.
4. ‘You don’t have to stay; I know it’s messy’
While living in a messy home seems somewhat harmless, their parents were probably dealing with their own issues that made keeping clean difficult. Chances are it was stress or mental health issues that played a role.
Their parents couldn’t do the bare minimum at home, either because they were struggling emotionally or physically out of the house all the time, and that relationship harmed their kids in nuanced ways, on top of the literal clutter. That’s where the self-consciousness behind phrases like this stems from.
They’re anxious and hypervigilant about managing everyone else’s perceptions of them and their spaces, because they had to seek out the attention they should’ve been given unconditionally by their parents earlier in life.
5. ‘I’ll get to it another time’
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In as common as it is for adults to rebel against the messy homes they grew up in, it's just as common for kids to grow up and model their parents' behavior. Their casual and messy parents led to issues with low self-esteem, making it hard for them to get things done as adults.
They don’t have the emotional regulation skills to take care of themselves or their living spaces, because they’re too caught up in managing the chaos around them.
6. ‘Whatever you need’
Overly permissive parents, who can be casual to a fault, sometimes push their kids into parenting roles from a very young age. Suddenly, their kids feel responsible for taking care of things that they shouldn’t have to.
That kind of parentification can show up in adulthood as agreeableness and people-pleasing. Even if it’s just going out of their way to show up for people who don’t reciprocate, they’re so used to putting other people first that their own needs get overlooked.
7. ‘I just can’t be home right now’
Kids who grew up in messy homes become adults who are constantly searching for stability.
Because we all know that emotional regulation skills don’t pop up out of thin air, when these kids grow up, they may seek control and comfort in the wrong places. “I can’t be home right now” is an excuse for someone to avoid the instability they face when alone.
They don’t know how to deal with struggles in a healthy way, because their parents never taught or modeled it in their most impressionable years.
8. ‘I can’t leave it like this’
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Adult life is busy. We can’t always make space to clean our houses and keep everything spotless all the time. That’s where learning to regulate emotions and manage stress comes in. We have to learn to live with clutter sometimes, but for someone who grew up in it, that can be a real struggle.
A pile of laundry or shoes scattered in an entryway can be a serious trigger. They bring up a lot of the feelings of anxiety and lack of control that sabotage their well-being as kids, and they can’t just step away.
So instead, they show up late to create the stability they are missing by cleaning. Sometimes, it’s great that they have the discipline to do so, but when it isolates and distracts them completely, there are consequences.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
