People Who Feel Like They Don't Really Belong Anywhere Often Have 8 Habits
tugol / Shutterstock Pretty much everyone wants to be part of a group in some way. It’s hardwired into our brains. So it can hurt deeply when someone feels like they don’t belong anywhere.
If a person has trouble connecting with others no matter where they go or what they do, it can cause tremendous emotional pain and anxiety. In response to those tough feelings, they are likely to develop specific habits they think, perhaps subconsciously, might help them cope.
People who feel like they don't really belong pretty much anywhere often develop these habits
1. Canceling plans
When someone feels like they won't fit in, they may cancel plans frequently, saying they are taking a night for themselves. They don’t want to go into a social setting with negative feelings because that could cause them to feel even more anxious.
They’re already anxious before they get there because they're scared of being judged for feeling out of place, even if they were invited. They’ll constantly cancel plans to avoid any social anxiety they could experience while hanging out with their friends.
2. Creative hobbies
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When people feel judged instead of included, they typically find it hard to be themselves. When someone knows a group accepts and loves them, it’s easier to be vulnerable. There’s less of a threat that those people will walk away and hurt them.
People who don’t feel like they belong anywhere can’t let themselves go like that. They don’t express their emotions with their friends because they’re too afraid to let people in. They probably think that if they do, people wouldn’t want them around.
They might develop a habit of doing creative hobbies to handle their intense feelings. Hobbies are a great way for people to express themselves emotionally. They become a stand-in for the emotional support other people get from friends.
3. Reading
Books are a great way for some people to escape into another little world. For people who feel like they don’t belong, this escape is such a relief. Reading can be a small part of their day where they feel less alone. It even helps people feel less stressed.
It also gives them something entertaining to do that isn’t spending time with others. Being social would probably make them more insecure than sitting at home and reading a good book. These people will read constantly to help themselves feel better while avoiding thinking about the friends they can't seem to connect with.
4. Changing how they act based on the group they're with
Many groups bond over having similar interests or goals. Groups tend to develop a kind of culture based on how most people act. Some people feel really uncomfortable if they don’t meet the group’s expectations.
This can make people feel disconnected from the group. As noted before, people have a psychological need to be part of a group, so their brains can’t accept this. Someone who feels like they don’t belong will make a habit of conforming to whatever group they’re around. They just want to fit in, and they don’t feel like they have a place to do that. They’ll do this all the time because they don’t believe they have a place to be themselves.
5. Overthinking
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Just because somebody feels like they don’t belong, it doesn’t mean they don’t want to. They might do everything in their power to make sure people still want to spend time with them, and they probably stress out about doing something that could show the group they don’t belong.
Even if it’s not true, they overthink everything. They constantly replay their interactions in their mind to figure out whether they did anything that could make people stop hanging out with them.
Feeling like you don’t belong is kind of an insecurity in itself. Their anxiety caused them to overthink enough to feel like they didn’t belong, and it continues to harm them mentally. They’ll get into the habit of overthinking and stress out about every interaction they have.
6. Comparing themselves to others
Another habit people often develop when they don’t seem to belong is comparing themselves to others. They’re constantly thinking about how other people fit in more than they do, and they may even obsess over how great someone else is at things the group values and wish they could do that, too.
They compare themselves most to how many friends someone else has. They’ll always believe someone has more friends than them or is more well-liked. They just want to feel loved and cared for above anything.
7. Avoiding texting anyone first
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People who feel like they don’t belong anywhere get in the habit of never texting someone first because they feel too awkward when they do. These people tend to worry that others won't like them and fear that if they reach out first, they may be rejected.
They’re also afraid of seeming needy. They don’t want the other person to get annoyed and end up disliking them.
8. Using slang
People use slang to connect socially. It makes them feel included, which can be particularly helpful for someone who feels like they don’t belong anywhere. That’s why these people get in the habit of using it so often.
They use popular slang terms to signal that they’re cool and similar to other people in the group. Slang can even create a sense of belonging within a group. It’s a perfect tool for people who don’t feel like they belong anywhere to trick their brains into believing they do. It shows them and those around them that they are solidly part of that group. It stops everyone involved from noticing that what they’re actually saying might be pretty different from the rest of the group.
Lily Bell is a college student studying English and Publications who covers relationships, mental health, and personal narratives surrounding the human experience.
