Kids Raised By Parents With Zero Social Life Usually Carry 8 Habits Into Adulthood
pedro7merino | Shutterstock Most of us have no clue how much our parents’ behavior affects our lives until we're grown. A study found that most preschool children follow their parents’ every move. Even when the actions are illogical, young kids tend to mirror them completely.
This changes as kids grow older, of course, but the impact of parental behavior on kids remains. While we rely on our parents to teach us helpful things, some of these inadvertent lessons can leave a lasting impact. For example, when parents with no social life raise children, they might be giving them the tools to enjoy solitude, but it can also make them self-conscious in social situations.
Kids raised by parents with no social life may carry these habits into adulthood:
1. Hyper-independence that borders on self-isolating
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By watching their parents do everything on their own, they might choose to carry the same ideology into their lives. While independence is a positive trait because it allows them to feel comfortable doing things on their own, it can also prevent social bonds. When someone feels like they are the only person they can rely on, it might cause them to hold back in relationships.
Someone with hyper-independence will avoid asking for help, even when they desperately need it. This can become unhealthy quickly, as they do everything for themselves even when it becomes detrimental to their well-being.
2. Social awkwardness or even phobia
Believe it or not, social anxiety can be passed down through both genetics and learned behavior. While some are predisposed because of their family’s mental health history, it’s not always the reason people develop social anxiety from socially awkward parents. They may not have grown up around groups of people, as their parents didn’t have friends coming around often.
This can cause them to fear social situations and do whatever they can to avoid them. To combat this, parents should do their best to model social behavior in ways that are authentic to them, and that reflect what they hope their kids will be able to do in the future to abate loneliness.
For instance, a gamer parent may wish to plan IRL meetups with other gamers they know. A parent who is a long-distance runner may choose to step outside their comfort zone for a monthly family run with other families. These may be awkward at first, but it shows kids not only the value of being around others, but the step-by-step ways social interactions work, even with strangers.
3. A tendency to be too hard on themselves
Growing up in an isolated environment can make someone critical of themselves, especially when around other people. Have you ever found yourself overthinking everything you say around someone? For some people, this feels normal in every interaction. They have a severe fear of being judged by others, which can make them overthink when they are around others.
This may cause them to feel easily triggered by criticism. It’s not uncommon for them to take criticism to heart, even if it was made with good intentions. They have a negativity bias that leaves them feeling bad about themselves instead of taking time to think through whether the person was trying to help, not hurt.
4. Extreme introversion
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Having anti-social parents can cause children to become introverted. They may be prone to exhaustion after having conversations or spending time with others. This can make them easily irritable and frustrated. It’s hard for them to feel comfortable with others because spending time with them is difficult.
Social exhaustion can make some feel detached from others and can cause emotional meltdowns. Since they're not used to spending a lot of time with other people, they may shut down and keep to themselves to prevent this exhaustion.
5. A very limited social circle
If someone struggles around large groups, they’ll keep their social circles small, which can be a totally healthy thing to do. When they meet people they feel comfortable around, they often cling to them. Becoming overattached to the same few people is common. It could be a friend group or their immediate family. Whoever it is, they feel at ease around them.
They may rely on this person for support, even for things that seem small and silly to most. This could look like bringing someone close to them to the grocery store to avoid awkward conversations, or texting them during the day with updates when they are feeling especially anxious.
6. A strong preference for small spaces
Some people prefer to be at home rather than anywhere else. Admittedly, I am a homebody. I’d much rather sit at home with a book than go out and socialize. People who grew up with homebody parents may choose to stay that way themselves. It can feel natural to them.
It doesn’t always have to be home where they feel safe. It's easier for them to go to places they’ve been to often. They know what to expect and won’t be thrown into unplanned social situations. This could be frequenting the same coffee shop or stores that make them feel the most comfortable. This may be a cognitive bias they develop over time.
7. A hard time navigating dynamics in a group
Group dynamics aren’t always easy to navigate for the average person. It can be hard to figure out where you stand with others. Some people can be cliquey and make it uncomfortable for others to join in. Someone raised isolated from groups may especially struggle with finding their way in these situations. Instead, they might choose to skip out on them altogether.
What someone like this may not realize is that in-group interactions can lift self-esteem and help create strong bonds with others. It can be hard for them to understand because they are used to spending time with just their immediate family.
8. A tendency to observe rather than participate in social situations
People who struggle with group dynamics may decide to observe rather than join in. We’ve all experienced someone who didn’t add anything to the social situation. They sat there, which may make them seem rude. However, we never know what other people are thinking or going through. They could be struggling with social interactions because they weren’t raised around them.
Sometimes, observers in conversations are dealing with trauma. If they were isolated as children, connecting with others can be scary. Instead, they’d rather step back and let others who are more comfortable take control.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
