People Who Don't Listen To Advice & Nagging Usually Say 6 Phrases When They're Told What To Do
KaterynaUKR | Shutterstock Some people hate being told what to do.
Even well-meaning advice or a simple reminder can make them feel criticized or controlled. Instead of considering what the other person is saying, they immediately become defensive and take the conversation personally. This can make communication difficult in relationships of all sorts, especially when they respond with the same dismissive phrases whenever someone offers advice or nags them to do something.
People who get surprisingly defensive when you give them advice usually say these 6 things:
1. "I know. You don't need to keep telling me."
Psychologist Neel Burton, M.A., explains that laziness is not the same as procrastination. A procrastinator intends to complete the goal, whereas a lazy person does not even set one. Repeatedly putting off a task can be a form of self-sabotage.
As a result, when you remind someone about something they've been putting off, even a basic task like doing their laundry, they may respond with, 'I know. I’ll do it later.' They take any form of direction as a personal attack.
2. "I'll do it when I'm ready."
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This is a common one, especially when people are receiving advice. Let’s say someone dreams of moving to California. Somebody tells them they should just go now, and they say, "I'll do it when I'm ready." The truth is, you're never going to be ready.
"Ready" is a myth we tell ourselves to push things back. When people tell us to do something we've been putting off, whether small or big, it adds the pressure of feeling controlled.
3. "You're always telling me what to do."
People who don’t like being told what to do will take any advice as criticism or micromanagement. They start thinking about all of the times someone has told them to do something, and they make themselves the victim. According to psychologist Seth J. Gillihan, PhD, being told what to do provokes “ego-based defensiveness.” It also reminds us of being a little kid who is told what to do.
4. "I didn't ask for your opinion."
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Another reason people hate being told what to do is that it can make them feel as if they’ve lost their autonomy. According to Gillihan, autonomy is a fundamental psychological need that can support better mental health. So when people are told what to do, they feel that lack of autonomy. It goes against people's natural desire for independence.
5. "It's my life. I'll decide what I do."
Another factor that plays into people not liking to be told what to do is individualism. Gillihan says that Western societies place a high value on individualism and emphasize being your own person and making your own decisions. As a result, "following orders might feel like giving up an essential part of your identity." So even a reasonable request can trigger resistance if someone interprets it as a threat to their independence.
6. "Can you just let it go?"
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Sometimes people aren’t rejecting the advice; they are rejecting the way they are receiving it. For example, if somebody’s coworker nicely asks them to send an email, they won’t think much of it and will send it. But if their coworker says something like "Can you send that email already?" it ends up feeling more like a personal attack.
Learning how to take advice comes in three stages, psychologist Andy Lopata explains. The first stage is review. Make sure you understand what you are being told. The second stage is reframing. Sit with it. See if it meets your goals. The third stage is response. If it matches your needs, then take action.
Sophie Bagheri is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and theatre who covers lifestyle topics.
