If Someone Uses These 11 Phrases With Their Parents, They Don’t Care About Their Opinion Anymore
Some people aren't afraid to tell their parents how they really feel.
michaelheim / Shutterstock Everyone’s childhood was different. Some had parents who were not very strict and allowed them to grow into their own versions of themselves. Others dealt with parents who were overly controlling or completely absent. These different scenarios can affect the relationships between adult children and their parents over time.
“Tense relationships or estrangements between parents and adult children are becoming increasingly common. There’s hardly a day that goes by that I don’t hear about these in therapy with a parent or an adult child,” says Kathy McCoy, PhD. “Whether you have a young adult child shutting you out while striving for independence or a middle-aged child growing weary of old relationship patterns, you can’t change another’s behavior. The only power you have is to change your own behavior in ways that can make a difference.” Adult children distancing themselves from their adult parents can be hard for them to comprehend. It will be easy to tell why they are making that decision if they use these phrases.
If someone uses these 11 phrases with their parents, they don’t care about their opinion anymore
1. ‘I don’t need your advice’
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Adults are quick to give their children advice, even as they grow into adults. It can be difficult for adults to continue to get told what to do by their parents, even if it is coming from a good place. When they no longer care about their opinion, they will be sure to tell them they no longer need their advice.
Adult children are trying to find autonomy. Jeffrey Bernstein, PhD, says, “When parents offer unsolicited advice (even when they mean well), it can feel intrusive and controlling to adult children. Even if the parents intend to support the adult child, they may infer a lack of trust from their parents, making it difficult for them to define themselves.” He added, “Navigating life needs time and space to describe oneself.”
2. ‘I will not raise my kids like you raised me’
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This one can be extremely painful for parents to hear. This comment will leave them feeling upset, like their parenting choices were bad for their children. However, when parents turn into grandparents, they may push their parenting ideology onto their adult children, making it difficult for them to raise their children the way they want.
When they no longer care about their parents' opinion, they will quickly shut them down with this phrase if they are upset about constant unsolicited advice. One of the top reasons adult children tend to cut off their parents is tied to their overstepping as grandparents. At that point, they no longer care about their opinion and will tell it like it is.
3. ‘I will do what I want’
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It’s obvious that while children are growing up, their parents constantly tell them what to do. That is part of parenting. They are trying to sculpt their children into good people (in most cases!). As they grow older, they care less about what their parents tell them to do. They will not feel bad telling them that.
When an adult child becomes old enough to make their own decisions without their parents' input, they will not be afraid to tell them they will no longer take their orders or advice. If they don’t care about their opinion anymore, they’ll likely use this phrase.
4. ‘I don’t care what you think’
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Throughout their childhood, they were constantly being told what their parents thought. As they got older, some parents became more vocal about their feelings towards their children.
Adult children who no longer care about the opinions of their parents will not be afraid to let them know that they don’t care what they think. Parents can be overly critical of their adult children’s choices. As a result, the child may bite back. This phrase can be hard for parents to hear, but it comes from a place of frustration on the child’s part.
5. ‘This is my life’
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Whether they mean well or not, trying to take control of their adult child’s life can make them feel like they have no independence. They can feel overwhelmed or self-conscious about their life choices when their parents are constantly pushing back against them. This will cause those who no longer care about their parents' opinion to remind them that it is their life.
Why do parents still want to control their adult children’s lives? It’s a complicated situation, says Jeffrey Bernstein Ph.D. "There can be several reasons why parents may struggle to see their adult children as grown-ups. One is nostalgia. Parents may have a hard time letting go of the memories of their children as young, dependent individuals, and struggle to see them as independent adults,” he says.
He continued, “Another is that parents may have a natural inclination to protect and care for their children, even as they become adults, and may have difficulty adjusting to a new dynamic in which their child is more self-sufficient.”
Trying to give their adult children life advice can come from a good place, but it can cause their adult children to ignore their opinion.
6. ‘Respect my boundaries’
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Setting boundaries can be hard for an adult child to do with their parents. Many parents will still expect their children to share every aspect of their lives or go along with anything they ask them to do. Once they set a boundary, it’s important to enforce it.
When their parents will not respect that boundary, it can cause someone to care less and less about their opinion.
7. ‘I prioritize myself’
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As parents age, they may start expecting their children to take care of them. For the most part, adult children do not have a problem doing this. However, some parents may expect too much from them, leaving them with no ability to care for themselves.
Once lines get crossed, someone who no longer cares about their parents' opinions, as they feel oppressive to them, will tell them they need to prioritize themselves. Most adults have started their own families and will need to give most of their attention to them. They cannot pour from an empty cup. Putting themselves first becomes a top priority.
8. ‘I will not discuss this with you’
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Some parents are comfortable having difficult conversations with their adult children. It doesn’t matter if the child is not ready to have that conversation. If they want to have it, they’ll push for it. It’s not always difficult conversations that can cause someone to say they will not discuss something with their parents.
Sometimes, parents will bring up issues, whether it’s their own personal ones or those of their adult children. Those who no longer care about their parents' opinion will be quick to tell them they don’t want to discuss something with them.
9. ‘I need my own space’
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It can be difficult for parents to let go of their children as they become adults who can live on their own. They can begin grieving the ‘loss’ of their children living at home before they move out. When it becomes overbearing and too much, someone who no longer cares what their parents think anymore will be firm in telling them they need their own space.
“The letting go process is fundamental to parenting and starts when their babies grow in intensity as they approach 18, and continues long after they are college-bound into their 20s and 30s. Parents feel the impact of every step of their child’s individuation process,” writes Dr. Rachel Glik.
It can be hard for them to let go, but their grown children need to live on their own. Feeling resistance from their parents can cause them to no longer care about their opinions.
10. ‘I have to go now’
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I love my parents and I still value their opinions, of course. However, sometimes they call me and want to talk for longer than I have time for. It’s hard for me to say I have to go and hang up, but for those who no longer care about their parents' opinions, they have no issues hanging up when they’ve had enough. They’re not afraid of the possibility that it will hurt their feelings.
This can also be the same when visiting their houses. Sometimes, people can find time with their parents draining and can only take visits in small doses. They are comfortable telling them when they are ready to go.
11. ‘I’m not getting involved in this’
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My parents are divorced, and sometimes they’ll complain about one another to me. I’m an only child, so I understand that they want to vent, but sometimes it can be hard to hear. When people no longer care about their parents' opinions, they don’t mind putting their foot down and letting them know they are not willing to be involved in a situation.
Sometimes, parents can expect too much from their children, getting them involved in their everyday issues. When someone no longer takes their parents' opinions to heart, they will quickly shut this down.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
