People With Amazing Childhood Friends Usually Grew Up Learning 6 Old-Fashioned Life Lessons
Lyudmila2509 | Shutterstock Most adults struggle to maintain their friendships from childhood. Yearbooks filled with keep-in-touch messages become dusty tomes of times gone by. But there are those lucky few who have amazing childhood friends who are still integral to their lives, and a lot of it has to do with old-fashioned relationship-building skills that are often in short supply nowadays.
I’m lucky to still be close to many of my childhood friends. I live with the girl I used to carpool to preschool with. I took college courses with people I did childhood sports with. They've stayed with me through absolutely everything. It has taught me about the importance of friendship and meaningful connections.
People who still spend time with their childhood friends learned important life lessons:
1. Respect boundaries
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Boundaries are integral to all relationships, even kid friendships. Just because you’ve known someone your whole life doesn't mean you get unlimited access to their lives.
These boundaries can help you maintain a healthy, supportive give-and-take without overstepping or hurting feelings. Licensed therapist Laurel Healy explained, "Setting a boundary is about having a discussion to determine how to have the best relationship possible. It’s important to be specific about what we want, to own our feelings, and to emphasize what we value about the person. Although these discussions are difficult, we give our friends a chance to change behavior they may not recognize as unwelcome."
When friends ignore our boundaries, it can feel hurtful. It might make someone think that you’re not listening to them. It might also make them feel that you don’t care enough about them to make sure they’re comfortable.
2. Keeping friends takes work
My best friend and I ended up moving to different places after becoming adults. I was terrified at first that this would cause me and one of my long-distance friends to drift apart. When we both started making new friends in the places we were now living, it kind of did.
We stopped texting each other as much. It was also harder to find times to call because we were busy with our new friends. It made me really frustrated and sad at first. I felt like she didn’t wanna be friends with me anymore.
Still, friends should be able to grow. If you expect them to spend all their time focused on you, it won’t let them have new experiences. It could take away their chance to learn something new about themselves. When you understand that friends from childhood will change, you can choose to grow together, but that takes effort.
Also, just because you’re letting your friends grow doesn’t mean you’re losing them. After a few months of my friend and me getting situated, we were right back to being as close as ever.
3. It's okay to ask for help
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I used to have a really hard time asking for help. I was usually convinced I could handle it on my own, but that wasn’t always true. Sometimes I would end up making huge mistakes that I could’ve avoided by just asking my friends for their advice.
I would always be there for my friends, though. For some reason, it felt selfish for me to ask for help, but I didn’t think the same thing for them. However, lifelong friends usually get to know your habits over time. They might be able to pick up on your body language and understand the mood you’re feeling.
My lifelong friends began to notice this for me and tried to push me to let them in so they could help. When I did, it made my life so much easier. Having lifelong friends isn’t just about supporting them. It’s also about you.
When you have friends who continuously show up, it can teach you that there’s no shame in leaning on others when you need it.
4. It's important to show up
Maybe your friend has a big exhibition for work coming up. Maybe she’s going through a really difficult breakup. Whatever the case, you should show up for it all.
Supporting our friends through big life moments is a good way to ensure those friendships last. When you’re there for those moments, you become a part of them in a way. These make you have a shared history with your friend that can keep you bonded for life. They might not remember what you said or did during that event, but they’ll remember they had you there to support them.
5. Their interests are important
If your friend makes new friends, it’s probably a good idea to try to learn their names. If it’s possible, you might also want to get to know them, too. This can show a friend that we care about them beyond what they do for us. It can prove you care about whatever makes them happy and their general well-being.
Continuing to show this support doesn’t stop. If your friend has picked up pickleball in an effort to prioritize their health, be their cheerleader. If your buddy is thinking about driving across the country in an RV, do some research with him. It usually makes our friends feel good when we pay attention to what sparks joy in their lives. Paying attention to their life and how it evolves is an ongoing effort.
6. Everyone makes mistakes
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Hannah Montana sang it best: "Everybody makes mistakes, and everyone has those days." It’s important to let our friends mess up.
If your friend makes a mistake that they wouldn’t normally do, it’s probably not a good idea to criticize them. They might be having a bad day, and this could make it even worse. They might also feel bad about whatever mistake they made. When you point it out, they might feel like you're attacking them.
When we’re feeling insecure, we're less likely to receive criticism well. Some people can get mad at their friends when they do this. Others might internalize your critiques and feel self-conscious.
Letting your friends make mistakes without judgment shows you don’t expect them to be perfect. It can take a lot of pressure off of someone and make them feel more comfortable around you.
As adult life began and things got even trickier, my friend and I kept relying on each other for the comfort we’d already established in our relationship. That's why we're still great friends today.
Lily Bell is a college student studying English and Publications who covers relationships, mental health, and personal narratives surrounding the human experience.
