10 Distinct Signs A Husband's Only Staying In His Marriage Because He's Terrified Of Being Broke
PeopleImages | Shutterstock We all want to believe in the idealized, fairytale version of marriage, but that's often not an accurate depiction of reality.
Some people may really not be feeling much love at all, but they think they have to stay for financial reasons. In fact, 23% of American couples reported they would not leave their partner because they felt financially dependent on them. It's completely unfair to women, especially, who have to put up with it and are strung along by it, but a lot of husbands fall into this category.
Although they're traditionally thought of as being the breadwinners in their families, the distinct signs a husband's only staying in his marriage because he's terrified of being broke often come at his wife's expense. He knows he couldn't make it without his wife's contributions, so he, along with many other men, stays to avoid financial ruin, and it's always at the forefront of his mind.
Here are 10 distinct signs a husband's only staying in his marriage because he's terrified of being broke
1. He's obsessed with keeping up appearances
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If a husband doesn't really care about his marriage beyond what it can do for him financially, he probably doesn't have a good connection with his wife. He won't want anyone else to know that, though. He would hate to ruin the facade of a happy family that he's so carefully crafted and let outsiders see the cracks in the relationship.
It might not seem like it's really all that big of a deal if others suspect something is off in the marriage because they obviously can't make any decisions about it, but maintaining an appearance of happiness and contentment has its advantages. A study published in the Journal of the Royal Society noted that many aspects of a person's reputation are built on "explicit material value," so it's going to benefit the husband's social and financial status to look like he has it all together.
2. He's emotionally unavailable
A husband who only wants to stay in his marriage to avoid becoming broke obviously isn't going to be very emotionally invested in the relationship. He doesn't want to get divorced, but that doesn't mean he actually wants to be there either. His emotional connection to his wife will be pretty much nonexistent because he doesn't see a need to strengthen it.
If a wife feels like she's always the one working on the marriage and making plans for the future, that signals that her husband just isn't fully present. If all he cares about is staying together for money, he might check out like this. After all, if money is what he's worried about, why would he care about emotional intimacy?
3. He doesn't care about romance
When a husband acts a lot more like a roommate than a partner, his heart isn't in the right place. No one expects him to show up with fresh flowers every day, but letting the little affectionate things slip from his marriage shows that his priorities have shifted.
Social worker Susan Pease Gadoua explained that couples often stay in loveless marriages because they want to avoid uncomfortable conversations or they think other people would judge them for splitting up. Of course, there are a myriad of other reasons that are unique to each couple, and wanting to maintain financial stability could definitely be one of them.
4. He refuses to acknowledge problems
Conflict is a tricky thing in marriage. Many people have the false belief that fighting is a bad thing, but it's actually really beneficial when needed and done correctly. Some problems are minor and just require a little bit of work, but others could potentially be insurmountable.
A husband who is determined to stay together will likely avoid acknowledging any problems at all, regardless of their nature. This take on the silent treatment will just lead to further frustration and questions about the future, so this may backfire and end his marriage even faster than it would have otherwise.
5. He never disrupts the financial status quo
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In a healthy marriage that a husband and wife expect to last, it's totally normal to spend and invest money responsibly. They may want to plan a vacation or save for a house, or even set some money aside for retirement. A husband who is preoccupied with not being broke will avoid even the most typical financial changes because they could undermine his plan to have stability.
It's possible to have something called chrometophobia, which is a serious fear of spending money that goes beyond just worrying about savings. Some husbands in this situation could be experiencing this, or they could feel some sort of paralysis around financial decisions because they think every cent they spend is one less that they can count on.
6. He shows extra love after fights that could lead to a split
A husband who stays in his marriage for financial reasons is obviously going to do everything possible to avoid splitting up with his wife. After all, that's the only reason he's staying in a troubled marriage that doesn't make him happy. So, if he and his wife do get into a big argument, he'll rush to do everything he can to prove his affection afterwards, even if he hasn't really shown any love or interest for a while.
Psychologist Dr. Cheryl Fraser says that a lot of couples struggle to reconnect after a fight, even if everything is resolved. This is when she thinks a "do over" can be helpful. One couple she works with even goes so far as to reintroduce themselves like they're meeting for the first time. That represents the mature, healthy way to deal with disagreement.
These kinds of husbands can't really be described as mature or healthy, though. Instead, they'll display behavior that resembles love bombing after a fight to smooth things over. This is controlling and manipulative, but it helps them believe that everything will work out the way they want it to.
7. He's not happy but he doesn't change anything
People who are happy in their relationships tend to abide by two rules. First, they prioritize open and sometimes deep communication. They also try new things and step out of their normal routine. Of course, this could be reverse engineered by saying that someone who isn't happy with their relationship needs to try these things out.
That's not what a husband who's staying in his marriage because he's terrified of being broke will do. If nothing is keeping him there other than access to funds, he's almost certainly not happy, but he's also not going to do anything about that. If he rocks the boat in any way, even just by trying to strengthen the marriage, it could change the fragile balance he and his wife have developed. He'd rather walk on eggshells than lose everything.
8. He puts as little effort into the marriage as possible
Maintaining a marriage does require work, but that doesn't mean a couple has to complete Herculean tasks to stay together. Just putting forth a good amount of effort that will keep the relationship strong is enough in the best of times. A lot of people struggle to try hard enough to make their relationship work, though.
These kinds of husbands fall into this category, but they're also on another level that is all their own. They don't just have a hard time doing hard work, but they actually just don't really care. All that matters to them is the money, so their wives' feelings are completely irrelevant. In that case, why would they put any effort into the marriage?
9. He's suddenly interested when the topic of money comes up
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We've all seen someone who has completely checked out of their relationship. They give one-word answers to every question and they don't make any effort to be a part of decisions, even when the outcome affects them, too. Husbands who aren't really into their marriage will follow this pattern, but there is one subject that will make them do a complete 180.
Whenever money comes up in a conversation, they'll suddenly be completely engaged and ready to offer their opinion. That's the only aspect of the relationship that matters to them, so everything else will just feel like background noise.
It's possible to be way too interested in money, which is probably where this guy's mind is at. Maintaining his wealth is so important to him that he's willing to let his personal relationships suffer in the process, and willing to give up any chance he might have at real happiness.
10. His arguments for staying together are all about money
Frankly, the wife in this scenario isn't dumb. She can feel her husband pulling away and sense that his priorities have shifted to no longer include her. If she decides to bring this up and gently suggest it might be time for the marriage to end, her husband will have some very strong arguments for why that shouldn't happen, and they'll all be about money.
Instead of bringing up how much he loves his wife and how he can't imagine life without her, he'll probably make a comment like, "Think about how much a divorce would cost," or, "It would be so much work to split our finances." That's hardly the declaration of love that a hurting wife wants to hear, but it's not surprising. Money has repeatedly been found to be one of the greatest causes of marital conflict, so he's just being honest.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor's degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
