People With Unusually Exceptional Emotional Control Have 2 Rare Habits, Experts Say
DukiPh | Shutterstock We tend to think others are happier and less stressed than they are because people hide their negative emotions well, but studies have shown how this truth-masking can make people feel lonelier and less capable. They begin to believe they are the only ones struggling. We underestimate how often others face negativity, so we think they must lead charmed lives. Yet, no charm exists against uncomfortable feelings. Those who can control those emotions also have more control over other aspects of themselves.
Self-control and emotion regulation are closely linked: A study helped explain how both share similar neural pathways for handling emotional situations. Being able to stop yourself from things like impulse spending or seeking instant gratification uses the same brain functions as stopping yourself from reacting emotionally as a reflex.
Research has also found that people with good self-control use different ways to connect with irritability and other unpleasant emotions like anxiety and depression. Managing their impulses was the key to reducing anxiety and irritability, while resisting temptation was the key to preventing depression.
Here are two habits of people with unusually exceptional emotional control:
1. People with exceptional emotional control don't react with irritation when caught off guard
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Therapist Dr. Gloria Brame, Ph.D., says, I'll never forget the first time I witnessed masterful emotional control in action. I was having lunch with a 70-something doctor friend when we were suddenly interrupted by a stranger barraging him with medical questions, while he was mid-bite!
As we put down our forks, I watched closely, wondering how he'd react to their rude interference. Would he shoo them away? Lecture them? Ignore them? No. Instead, I got a masterclass in patience.
He listened, truly listened, to the stranger's concerns, giving them his full attention without a hint of annoyance. No impatient tone, no exasperated sighs, just pure, respectful focus on them and the issues they brought to him. When they finished their tale of woe, my friend handed them his card and told them to call his office. Then he turned back to our lunch, smooth as silk.
I wasn't a therapist yet, but building that degree of patience was the first skill I worked on mastering. He taught me that healing is all about the patient. Whether or not they are rude or loud or something else, you still listen to them respectfully and without judgment.
2. People with exceptional emotional control pause instead of reacting right away
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Marriage and family therapist Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford, Ph.D sees one subtle but surprisingly rare habit of people with exceptional emotional control, which is refraining from impulsive reactions. These individuals can also calmly accept constructive criticism and take responsibility for their mistakes without deflecting or minimizing their role.
Most people think emotional control means not showing anger, frustration, or anxiety. But internally, the reaction is still immediate and intense. However, they can suppress the outward expression. This habit is rare because it requires emotional maturity, deep understanding of self, self-confidence, and the ability to successfully and appropriately regulate reactions, which is not an easy task.
Healthy emotional regulation conveys that the individual has learned to use emotions constructively rather than let them dictate behavior. Research has found that when we can use self-regulation to manage our emotions and related behaviors, we are better equipped to reach goals and handle stress. By understanding our feelings and controlling reactions, we can avoid issues like anxiety or depression.
Will Curtis is YourTango's expert editor. Will has over 14 years of experience as an editor covering relationships, spirituality, and human interest topics.
