11 No-Big-Deal Phrases That Slowly Destroy Relationships Over Time
Just Life / Shutterstock Long-term relationships aren't always easy to maintain. No matter how much we love our partners, it takes work to keep each other happy. When we become too comfortable with our significant other, we might say things that end up hurting them over time.
These phrases are often said without the intention of hurting the other person. Sometimes, it’s simple commentary that can get under their skin over time. Sayings like ‘I’m fine’ even though you are not, or ‘I don’t care’ when you do, can add up. The impact of these phrases may unfold over time. From silent resentment to a full-blown breakup, couples may struggle with these phrases that seem like no big deal.
Here are 11 no-big-deal phrases that slowly destroy relationships over time
1. ‘It’s fine’
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No matter how happy your relationship is, your feelings are bound to get hurt. It’s part of life. We can’t expect our partner to know exactly what to do and say at all times. When feelings get hurt, it’s important to process them. Having a productive conversation goes a long way. When someone says, ‘It’s fine’ when it’s not, it can slowly destroy relationships over time.
It may be easier to pretend we are okay. We may think it will save problems from starting. However, it can cause more harm than good. It can lead to resentment and issues.
2. ‘I don’t care’
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No one wants to hear that their partner doesn’t care. It’s not easy to process. Even if they aren’t saying they don’t care about them or the relationship, saying this phrase can destroy a relationship over time. Although one partner may be trying to be flexible by saying they don’t care, it can be hurtful to the other person.
We can interpret this phrase differently depending on where we’re at in our relationship. If you’re struggling with something, and your partner says they don’t care about what you are suggesting, it can be painful. They may not want to hurt your feelings, but it can happen. One partner may assume the other doesn’t care about them at all.
3. ‘You always…’
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Generalizations are harmful. When you point the finger at someone and accuse them of always doing something, it can feel like an attack. Now, that person is on the defensive. They feel like they have to protect themselves from your claims. This can start big arguments, some that may feel impossible to move away from. This comment can slowly destroy a relationship over time.
When arguments come up, it’s easy to jump to conclusions. Saying things like. ‘You always do this’ or ‘You always ignore my needs,’ it can be painful. It’s not easy to process, and it can ruin a relationship.
4. 'You never...'
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Sometimes, saying ‘You never’ comes along with the ‘You always’ accusations. When something hurtful happens, it’s easy to accuse your partner of never being there for you. Whether they don’t respond to your texts in a time of need, or fail to make dinner when you’ve had a long day, it’s easy to come to a generalization. This phrase can be painful for our partner to hear. Often, they do these things. Just because they didn’t show up that way in that moment, it’s unfair to claim they never do anything for you.
This phrase can hurt partners over time. They may feel like they aren't good enough. If the focus is always on the negative, it can be stressful. This may destroy a relationship over time.
5. ‘I’m sorry you feel that way.’
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When something hurts our feelings, we want a genuine apology. It feels good to know our partners regret what they said or did to us. Some people have an easier time saying sorry than others do. Instead of giving a genuine apology, they may say something like, ‘I’m sorry you feel that way.’
That’s not a true apology. Instead, it’s like blaming you for being upset by their actions. This can be a gaslighting tactic.
“As the recipient of sorry gaslighting, attempts to silence and invalidate you never work. It can actually create further animosity and an unwillingness to engage with the gaslighter. And on a deeper level, if the concern is ongoing, the psychological harm and frustration can avert your attention to unhelpful thoughts,” says Vernita Perkins, PhD, and Leonard A. Jason, PhD.
6. ‘I’m done’
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We can say things we regret when conversations get heated. Throwing around phrases like, 'I'm done’ can be harmful. In the moment, it may seem like a no-big-deal phrase. Saying it out of frustration can make it feel like it doesn’t have the emotional hold it does. However, the person on the receiving end of these words may think differently. Over time, the impact of these words can slowly destroy a relationship.
A partner may shut down and claim they are done with their partner or the relationship. Although they might not mean it, it can still hurt the other person’s feelings. It can feel like it’s not a big deal at the moment, but to the other person, it can change how they look at the relationship.
7. ‘That’s stupid’
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Have you been excited to tell someone something? Maybe it’s an idea you came up with for a date, or a project you want to start. You bring enthusiasm to the conversation, but they quickly shut you down. They may say something like, ‘That’s stupid,’ which can make you question how they feel about you entirely. It’s not easy to hear, especially from your partner.
This phrase can be defeating. It’s especially harmful when they are trying to plan something for their spouse. Though the other person may think it’s not a big deal, this phrase can deeply hurt. They may feel like their needs aren’t being met in the relationship.
8. ‘I’m busy’
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We all get caught up in the chaos of everyday life. We may not always have time for the other person. It’s not easy, but most of the time, it’s understandable. When our partner is having a busy week, we can be patient and give them grace. However, if they’re somehow always busy, it may be a red flag. For them, they think this saying is no big deal, while the other person can be greatly hurt by it.
Being constantly busy could be a sign that one person doesn’t want to put in the effort in the relationship. We need to nurture our partnership. This happens through time spent together and moments of connection. Without these, a relationship may be slowly destroyed over time.
9. ‘We need to do it my way’
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A need for control is often harmful in relationships. Some people feel the need to control every situation around them. It may not seem like a big deal, but it can hurt the other people in their lives. If someone thinks the only right way is their way, there will be conflict. Over time, this can destroy a relationship.
One person calling all the shots in a relationship is not healthy. It may be ignored at first, but over time, it can cause problems. It’s not easy to feel controlled.
10. ‘I told you so’
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No one likes being wrong. It can be especially frustrating when your partner rubs it into your face. Sometimes, we may think we know better than the other person in our lives. However, it can be hurtful. This can make the other person feel bad about themselves. Saying, ‘I told you,’ might feel like no big deal. However, it may take a toll over time.
This phrase can hurt someone’s self-esteem. They may feel they aren’t smart enough or are always wrong. When a partner cares more about being right and saying things like, ‘I told you so,’ it’s not easy to hear.
11. ‘I guess’
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Some partners put a lot of work into their relationship. They want their partner to know that they care. It’s not always met well. When someone constantly says, ‘I guess’ when they’re asked a question by their partner or asked to do something with them, it’s hurtful. It doesn’t show appreciation. Instead, it can make the other person feel their effort isn’t worthwhile. This phrase can destroy a relationship over time.
“One expectation in a relationship is to feel supported. That’s a valid and reasonable expectation. You want to feel that in any circumstance, your partner has your back. When your partner ignores your needs and doesn’t give you the respect you deserve, you want to question if you’re in an unhealthy relationship,” says Barbara Field.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
