11 Basic Life Lessons Most Parents Completely Forget To Teach Their Kids
Ekateryna Zubal / Shutterstock Parents do not want to set their children up for failure. They want to give them all the knowledge they can to move forward in life. No matter how hard they try, there will still be some things that they forget to teach. If school doesn’t cover it, these kids might be entering the world without some basic life lessons.
I remember when I was in school. I never learned anything about finances. When I was thrown into the world as an adult and had to balance my bank account, I was lost. The first overdraft fee I experienced rocked my world. And don’t get me started on taxes! These are things no one taught me, even though my parents meant well and tried to check every box. Some parents also forget to teach their children life skills like resilience and emotional regulation. While they mean well, these things can fall through the cracks.
These are 11 basic life lessons most parents completely forget to teach their kids
1. Budgeting
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When we are young, our parents do our budgeting for us. Think about it, they provided all of our necessities. If they were giving us an allowance, they were also providing us with our spending money. When we turn into adults, we may be thrown into the water with financial sharks. Although they meant well, they may not have taught us how to budget.
I remember when I moved out of my parents' house and went on my first grocery run. I couldn’t believe how expensive food was! I was thankful for my parents' support, but I struggled without any real budgeting lessons. School never filled in that blank either. It’s a basic life lesson that many people enter the real world not knowing too much about.
2. Financial literacy
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Going along with budgeting is financial literacy. Not all of us were taught how to manage our finances productively. When I started working and living on my own, I struggled to find my financial footing. I felt like my money would go as quickly as it came. Plus, now that I had to file taxes, I had no idea what I was doing. Without this basic life skill, I was confused and called my dad through tears the first time I had to do my taxes.
“I am a tax accountant, and I spent five years of additional education after high school and an additional eight years in public accounting to understand taxes, and it still would be difficult for me to do my own taxes by hand,” Abby Donnellan, a certified public accountant and senior tax strategist at Moneta, told CNBC.
3. Resilience
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Resilience is bouncing back when something tries to put us down. It can be easy to get lost in the feeling of defeat. Many of us might prefer to give up rather than keep fighting. Whether it’s not getting a promotion at work or not getting into your dream school, these moments can be hard to keep trying when it feels like our dreams are crushed. This is where resilience comes in.
If parents aren’t teaching their children this life skill, they may unknowingly be setting them up for failure. Resilient people are adaptable. Even when things are uncomfortable, they try to push through. It’s what sets them apart from the average person. This is a basic life lesson we need to survive adulthood.
4. Emotional regulation
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Our emotions can be difficult to manage. When we are kids, we lash out and cry when things feel overwhelming. Sometimes, parents might do whatever it takes to make their kid feel better. This might look like giving in to their every whim. If they are constantly getting what they want, they may not be able to regulate their emotions regularly. The truth is, we won’t always get our way. When we are adults, we have to manage our emotions, even when the things we want feel unreachable.
Let’s be honest, even as adults, our emotions can feel overwhelming. If we learned regulation skills as kids, they would stick with us as we got older. If a parent forgot to teach their kids this basic life lesson, they may be struggling with their feelings in adulthood.
5. Self-awareness
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Self-awareness shows that we understand our needs, feelings, stress, and beliefs. This allows us to know who we are. It requires self-reflection. Growing up, we may have been told we were perfect. Or, we were guided to behave a certain way, and have no idea who we are once we become adults. Both of these situations can strip children of nurturing self-awareness. Instead of understanding what is going on under the surface, these people may struggle to verbalize their needs.
Increasing self-awareness takes work. It requires us to spend time with ourselves. If our parents didn’t foster this behavior, it might be hard to become self-aware as an adult. It can be uncomfortable to spend so much time with our thoughts.
6. Independence
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When I was a kid, I was thankful my parents wanted to do things for me. I was an only child, so they often went out of their way to make my life easier. It was a special way to grow up. However, they still made me do things to gain independence. I was doing laundry in elementary school, long before most of my friends learned the difference between detergent and fabric softener. This is a little thing, but putting me in charge of my own laundry taught me a skill. It also showed me how much I hate doing laundry.
When we rely on our parents for everything, we will be lost when we enter the real world. Instead, we might become too reliant on the next person to enter our lives. Whether it’s a partner or a roommate, without being taught this life skill, we may continue to seek help from the people in our lives instead of tackling issues head-on.
7. Conflict resolution skills
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There will be conflict in every relationship we have. Whether it’s with our parents as children or our partners as adults, disagreements will happen. If our parents bowed down to us and allowed us to do whatever we wanted while giving in to our every whim, we may not have learned conflict resolution skills. Instead of having a healthy way to work through our issues, we may feel worse, whether it’s intentional or not.
Unresolved conflict can lead to resentment. Whether it’s at work or in our personal lives, failure to remedy issues can cause more problems. This is a life skill we need to learn.
8. Critical thinking
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Critical thinking skills are important. They help us thrive in the workplace and school. These skills allow us to keep an open mind. We examine things and come to a clear, confident conclusion about them. This is important for everyone, but it’s a basic life skill that our parents might forget to teach us. It’s not something they may realize they can help us learn.
When people lack critical thinking skills, they may approach things in a different way. Something that requires deep thought may approach things from a low-quality critical thinking standpoint. This can make things complicated and can muddle their ability to problem-solve.
9. Respect
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Respect is important. We need to treat the other people in our lives with kindness. From the strangers we meet in public to the people we spend the most time with, respect is key. Without it, we may not maintain healthy relationships. Respect extends to ourselves as well. If we don’t treat ourselves with respect, we may be more likely to accept bad treatment from others in our lives.
Self-respect is one of the most important things parents can teach their children. By showing themselves the love and care they deserve, they can extend that respect to other people. However, it might be forgotten by parents along the way. Even if parents have good intentions to raise respectable adults, they may not give them the proper tools.
10. Setting healthy boundaries
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To maintain healthy relationships, we need to enforce boundaries. It isn’t an easy thing to do. Saying ‘no’ to the people we love isn’t easy. From saying no to prevent pouring from an empty cup, or telling someone who cares to back off when feeling overwhelmed, this skill isn’t something some of us can naturally pick up. Parents can teach their children this skill at a young age. By modeling good boundaries, they are showing their children what to do.
“Learning how to set and maintain emotional boundaries is an important part of growing up. It is also a key to developing relationships that are supportive, caring, and respectful. These kinds of positive relationships create the foundation for lifelong happiness,” says Marilyn Price-Mitchell, Ph.D. “Unfortunately, many adults have difficulty setting their own emotional boundaries, let alone teaching their children. The reasons are simple. Setting boundaries is uncomfortable, forces us to speak for ourselves, and seldom results in a 'thank you' from others. Yet, it is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves and our children.”
11. The value of hard work
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Some kids are difficult. Let’s be honest, it’s sometimes easier to give them what they ask for than to make them work for it. If they’re screaming and crying, some parents may take the peace of giving in over the cost of teaching the lesson. With this mindset, the value of hard work may be lost. The child might grow into adulthood expecting the world to give them what they want. However, they will have to work for it. If their parents forgot to teach them this, they may have set them up for failure.
Hard work is the cornerstone of success. When you want something, you have to find a way to achieve it, which takes work. It’s not easy, but it’s something people can learn at an early age if their parents teach them.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
