People Who Are Done Being Ashamed Of Their Mistakes Follow 4 Unique Steps For Letting All Of That Go
Maksym Fesenko | Shutterstock Misha Brown started as a motivational influencer who helps people on their journey of self-discovery, accountability, and most importantly, self-love. He's wildly popular for his energy and flair, but not everyone found his upbeat attitude endearing when he first started, he told Andrea Miller during an episode of the Getting Open podcast.
Misha's insight into what would truly help people started when a director kept calling him "sassy" (and not in a fun or complimentary way). Mischa was rightfully offended, but his professionalism forced him to keep the show going like normal, at least externally. Inside, though, he committed to reclaiming "sassy" and has since turned it into a motivating acronym for improving your life.
"S.A.S.S. was the little mat that I just created for myself," says Misha, who planned out a year of self-love to use his creative side and make the acronym work. For him, it meant coming to terms with the "sass" people often didn't like about him, reclaiming it, and figuring out where he could do some work to show up better and more authentically.
People who are done being ashamed of their mistakes follow 4 unique steps for letting all of that go:
What Misha created for the acronym can work for anyone who is sick of being ashamed of their mistakes. S.A.S.S. gives you clear steps to let it all go:
S – Self-reflection
A – Affirmations
S – Standing your ground
S – Sculpting the life you want
1. Self-reflection
First, you need to turn your focus inward to push away what’s been holding you back by asking your whys.
- Why am I like this?
- Why am I allowing this to happen?
- How did I get here?
For Mishsa, it started with reflecting on how he got into a situation with work where he found himself underwhelmed by his surroundings. He asked, "How did I get to this hotel room in New Jersey that stinks?"
He realized he felt sick. So he asked himself "Why?" The answer: Because he drank too much.
Why did he drink so much? Because he didn't want to feel.
Why? Because he was unhappy in his job.
When we ask "why?" we can find what is making us unhappy, as long as we keep digging down. Misha explained how we stop auditioning for the things we want because we keep being told no. Being told no can cause us to lose confidence. And for Misha, he stayed in a dissatisfying situation because he didn't believe he deserved better.
2. Affirmation
After answering all your whys, you need to reshape the way you speak to and about yourself. Andrea described her experience: "In eighth grade, I was shamed by my gifted and talented teacher. She took me outside and literally called me a 'social butterfly.' So that became a bad thing."
As a podcaster and influencer, Andrea can appreciate reclaiming being called "sassy" or "yappy." As Misha says, "You're like, I yap for a living now. Thanks so much."
To build yourself back up, as Andrea did, you have to affirm yourself. And that's the fun part! Affirmations help you fully show up for yourself and be your own bestie. You become the relationship you deserve. You give that to yourself.
You can give yourself the relationship you deserve with affirmations. Mishas says, "like a post-it note on the mirror and stuff like that, but it's also most importantly, by action."
3. Standing your ground
One significant way you can take action is by asserting boundaries. Both for others and yourself. This begins with personal accountability. You have to set boundaries and stop apologizing.
Misha emphasizes and knows "some people did some really horrible things to you, to me, to all of us. But when we bring it back to ourselves and really take that personal accountability to heart to its natural conclusion, you get a life you deserve."
Accountability is a challenge because it's so easy to cast blame. We say, "You hurt my heart and broke my trust," and stay despite the cycles of harm. Rather than saying, "This is over," and ending a harmful relationship or exiting a bad situation. Then we stay and often become just as harmful in return.
This is how we rationalize our egos because the idea of rejection and being alone or forgotten feels like an existential threat. This is especially true for people who grew up in environments where attachment issues can develop. Establishing clear boundaries around how you treat yourself and how you allow others to treat you creates more security within you. And you no longer need emotional armor to protect you from other people.
4. Sculpting the life you want
"Armor not only keeps others out, but it keeps us in, and it's such a lie. It's there to protect us, but it also imprisons us," says Andrea. You have to drop the armor to have the life you want. Sculpting a life you deserve usually involves letting go of things that aren't healthy for you, like that emotional armor.
Once you have stood your ground, you can start to take bold steps toward your own happily ever after. It takes a lot of courage to sculpt the life you want. You have to gather all of the evidence that you deserve to be nurtured and taken care of. Then you get to go build it.
Misha encourages us to be aware of not allowing external factors, like people's opinions of you, to cause you to say "no" to yourself. It can be debilitating and creates a need for more armor. By saying yes to being sassy, yappy, or whatever they have called you, you can find your whys, love yourself, and make the life you deserve.
Will Curtis is YourTango's expert editor. Will has over 14 years of experience as an editor covering relationships, spirituality, and human interest topics.
