People Who Might Secretly Be Out To Get You Usually Use These 11 Phrases When Talking To You
Andrii Iemelianenko | Shutterstock While many emotionally intelligent, kind people want to imagine that everyone, especially their loved ones and the people they should be able to trust, has their best interests at heart, the reality is that not everyone shares their empathy and grace. Some people, living with entitlement, envy, resentment, or apathy at their core, simply don't care about anyone but themselves.
Even if it feels easier to overlook "red flags" that someone doesn't care about us for our own well-being, the truth is that protecting your energy comes from taking action in the face of disrespect. Don't let these people walk all over you. People who might be secretly out to get you usually use certain phrases when talking to you, so don't overlook them. When people show you who they really are, just believe them.
People who might secretly be out to get you usually use these 11 phrases when talking to you
1. 'I ended up getting super busy'
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If someone in your life is consistently unreliable, canceling at the last minute, showing up chronically late, or even slipping the secrets you've told them in confidence into other discussions with their friends, they probably don't have your best interests in mind. Having a network of social support is integral to our health, and when one person undermines that trust and connection, it negatively impacts our well-being.
Self-centered friends and unreliable partners are more worried about their own comfort and convenience than about showing up for you when you need them. They don't care about making sure things feel supportive or easy for you.
2. 'I heard something about you'
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Of course, trust and honesty are pillars of healthy relationships and connections, but sometimes honesty isn't always the best policy. If someone's passing on hurtful remarks and gossip about you with the intention to make you feel insecure or self-conscious, they're not trying to protect you. They're trying to break you down so they feel better about themselves.
People who secretly might be out to get you usually use phrases like "I heard something about you" when talking to you, trying to spread the contagious negativity of gossip toward you to feel powerful.
3. 'No offense'
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If someone's trying to hide their cruelty with passive-aggressiveness or phrases like "no offense," they're not trying to protect your feelings. They're trying to protect their own. They don't want to be held accountable for intentionally hurting someone else or coping with jealousy by tearing you down, so they prefer to disguise their meanness with vague phrases and precursors.
If there's a real concern in a relationship, truly good people who actually have your back will bring them up in an intentional, supportive way. They won't chip away at your self-esteem by mocking you or trying to wipe away responsibility for hurting you with these kinds of phrases.
4. 'You're overreacting'
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If someone belittles your emotions and invalidates your opinions, they're being disrespectful and clearly don't have your best interests at heart. They want control and power over the narrative for their own well-being. That's why people who might be secretly out to get you usually use phrases like "you're overreacting" and "that's so dramatic" when you express yourself.
They're gaslighting you into believing that you're out of touch with reality or "crazy" for saying certain things. They want you to feel insecure, so you're vulnerable to being taken advantage of.
5. 'You can't handle that'
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If someone's always discouraging you from following your dreams or using phrases like "you can't handle that" when you excitedly share an accomplishment, chances are they're not trying to protect you from burnout. Even if that's the excuse they use to justify their negative energy, people who might be secretly out to get you are always going to be annoyed by your success.
Especially considering people who are chronically jealous tend to be more aggressive, according to a study from Developmental Psychology, it's not surprising that people feel pressured to take on blame in these situations. They feel like confrontations, where they have to defend and stand up for themselves, rather than bonding moments with loved ones.
6. 'I need something'
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If someone's taking advantage of you, they're probably going to do whatever it takes to make you feel insecure and helpless. The more uncertain and uncomfortable you are, the easier you are to take advantage of. People who might be secretly out to get you usually use phrases like "I need something" or "if you loved me, you'd do this" often.
They care more about getting something in return for their effort and affection than about offering it in an unconditional way. While it might be hard to spot, it's this behavior that ends up sabotaging your well-being and happiness.
7. 'If it were me...'
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While unsolicited advice can feel intrusive and stressful on its own, many people with bad intentions also use it as a way to subtly manipulate their peers. From giving unhelpful advice to pointing people in bad directions, their seemingly harmless phrases like "if it were me" are intended to make your life harder.
Be wary of these kinds of people in your life, who prefer to "solve" your problems, rather than listen and support you. Especially if they're clearly uncomfortable by needing to inconvenience themselves with active listening, chances are they're only trying to get themselves back to the center of attention.
8. 'I'd keep that to yourself'
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If someone regularly says things like "I'd keep that to yourself" or "you couldn't get me to admit that out loud," they're not trying to protect you. They're actually weaponizing shame. They want you to feel insecure, largely to make themselves feel better.
However, shame is an incredibly powerful emotion that has the power to truly harm self-worth, self-esteem, and health, especially when it's weaponized in the wrong hands.
9. 'I'm saying this for your own good'
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If someone regularly has to reassure you that they're doing things in your "best interest," chances are they're not actually. Our actions speak louder than our words, so if you're feeling unsupported, unloved, and shamed by the same person over and over again, don't let their "justifications" make you feel invalidated.
People with your best interest in mind will take accountability for hurting you and actually change their behavior. People who might be secretly out to get you will instead use misguided phrases like this one.
10. 'I'm the only person being honest with you'
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Manipulators often use isolation tactics to weaponize control over the people in their lives. They're easier to manipulate and take advantage of when they're vulnerable, without real friends and support systems around them to empower them to call out misbehavior.
So, if you notice someone talking poorly about your friends and using phrases like "I'm the only person being honest with you," trying to spark resentment, they might be secretly out to get you.
11. 'You'll thank me later'
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People who use phrases like "you'll thank me later" to justify their misguided actions are usually just trying to undermine and invalidate someone's independence. They don't want people to have the power to stand up for themselves, especially if it means being called out for their misbehavior, so they instead pretend like they're better and "wiser" than everyone.
They use "you'll thank me later" to distract from the fact that they don't actually know what they're talking about. It's all a facade of overconfidence and security they lack entirely.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
