Doing This Nice Thing At Work Could Actually Be Holding You Back, Says A Career Expert
Ground Picture / Shutterstock Being nice at work is always a safe bet. After all, who doesn't want to be seen as agreeable and easy to work with? Even though it may be well-intentioned, being too nice can be a bad thing.
Lisa Wong, a workplace communications specialist, told Kickresume that, while being polite can be a strength, it may also keep you from speaking up for yourself. It could be quietly undermining your growth and preventing you from reaching your full potential.
A career expert says that being too polite at work could be holding you back.
While how you communicate at work can't predict your career success on its own, it can contribute to the networking relationships you form and the opportunities you're offered. Wong explains that being polite actually has both positive and negative connotations, and it's important to understand them both.
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Politeness could indicate a considerate co-worker, someone who others enjoy being around and working with. Maybe they're always willing to lend a helping hand or take on extra responsibilities beyond their own. However, they could also be jeopardizing their own chances of advancing at work. They're likely not as willing to advocate for themselves for a raise, a promotion, or a special project.
According to Wong, it might even affect your ability to collaborate effectively with others. Those who favor being polite over challenging the ideas of others are "choosing the path of least resistance" when they should be making their thoughts and opinions heard.
Women are expected to be polite at work, more so than men.
This may make it seem that being direct and assertive is the better choice, but it's not so clear-cut for everyone. Men and women may have far different experiences in the workplace, especially regarding how they're perceived by others.
Wong notes that women who are confident and direct are more likely to be perceived as bossy or demanding at work. Men aren't as likely to be perceived the same way, even when they communicate in a similar style.
Unfortunately, this phenomenon is supported by research. A 2020 psychology study from Stanford University and the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill analyzed real performance reviews from a Fortune 500 company. They found that female employees were more likely to be described as "too aggressive." Only 3.9% of the men's evaluations suggested that their communication style was "too aggressive," compared to 10% of the women's evaluations.
The key to success is finding a balance between being direct and being respectful.
You can still maintain a kind and polite tone while saying what you want to say. Leave out apologies and unnecessary softener words like "maybe" or "kind of" that might unintentionally dilute your point.
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Wong also mentions being aware of the dynamics associated with certain situations. You may speak differently depending on whether you're in a group meeting or a one-on-one, talking to your boss or a co-worker. Each situation may require a different level of formality, so it's important to know your audience.
Being direct may feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you were raised thinking politeness is obedience. But staying silent won't help you succeed, and you never know what doors might open to you if you just speak up.
Kayla Asbach is a writer currently working on her bachelor's degree at the University of Central Florida. She covers relationships, psychology, self-help, pop culture, and human interest topics.
