Woman Shares Long List Of Requirements For A Partner, Asking Other Men If It's 'Impossible'
Shift Drive | Shutterstock One woman has set very high standards for her future partner. In fact, her standards are so high, she's wondering if they might actually be "impossible." She decided to turn to Reddit to ask other men for their opinions on her dating requirements.
Finding the perfect partner can be tricky. In reality, we might have to compromise on one thing or another to find someone who is close enough to the ideal in our minds.
A woman asked men for advice regarding her long list of requirements for a potential partner.
In the Reddit post, the woman explained that she recently got out of a long-term relationship that lasted about 12 years. Since she met her previous partner in high school, she has little experience with dating in the adult world. The woman claimed she has tried online dating, and while she has no problem getting dates, she hasn't yet found someone who matches what she's looking for.
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She shared that the biggest roadblock for her so far has been work. "Even though I do work, I'm functionally semi-retired, and I've come to realize I really don't want to date someone who is working 40+ hours, but at the same time, I don't want to date someone who is actually retired, since the age gap would be too much for me (I'm open to men who are 27-45ish)," the woman wrote.
Additionally, she's looking for someone who doesn't have or want kids, who doesn't have any financial or legal obligations to previous partners, and who is smart with money. Now, she's wondering if these standards are too unrealistic for her age, as she said, "I feel like I'm looking for a needle in a haystack, or maybe like I'm looking for a needle that doesn't exist. Please tell me honestly, is this hopeless?"
The men offering her advice said she'll have a hard time finding someone who meets all of her criteria in the modern day.
Most people aren't in a situation like the woman is, where they make a decent living while working a fraction of the time. One user said, "You want someone who doesn't work but also isn't in debt and financially secure? You're basically wanting a crypto bro or day trader or someone who managed to run a successful business and doesn't work all that much but at that age it is extremely unlikely such a man will want a DINK lifestyle in a monogamous relationship."
Others thought it was unlikely that she would find someone who would be looking for the same things that she was in a partner. Another user wrote, "Yep she has to either find a trust fund baby or a deadbeat. Society pushes men to work to create a life for themselves. Any man with his own business is going to be out there hustling. She's not going to find the caliber of man she's looking for who has the free time she wants."
Instead, many said she should focus on finding someone with a good personality and whom she just enjoys spending time with. One man said, "It feels like she is looking for a specific lifestyle rather than a real emotional connection which usually backfires in the dating market. Focusing on shared values rather than bank accounts might lead to a better result."
Having high standards is not a bad thing, but it could be helpful to reflect on why you have them.
If your ideal partner is a high-earning man, there's nothing wrong with that! But think about the reasons why you have this standard. Are you drawn to ambitious, high-achieving men? Or are you only attracted to their money?
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"In a world that often pushes a 'me' mentality, timeless relationships are built on a 'we' mentality," said Dr. Lea Haber, PhD(c), a licensed therapist and relationship scientist. "It's about balancing self-protection with the vulnerability to let someone in, tuning into those old-school marriage values (whatever your love looks like), and a blend of some 'new-school' wisdom. When you make space for both your needs and the growth of the relationship, you open the door to something real and lasting. Don't let fear and perfectionism keep you from love."
If this woman were willing to be open to potential partners who may not meet all her standards, she might meet a great person she would've never given a chance otherwise. However, she shouldn't feel pressured to give up on all her desires and risk making herself unhappy in a relationship down the road.
Kayla Asbach is a writer currently working on her bachelor's degree at the University of Central Florida. She covers relationships, psychology, self-help, pop culture, and human interest topics.
