Couples Who Grow Stronger After Having Kids Do These 10 Simple Things
Lauren Samuels | Unsplash After 19 years as a therapist, there are a few words of advice I would give couples who are raising kids together. If these thigns feel really challenging for you, it might be due to unresolved attachment history getting in your way.
In addition to all of these points, there is one thing you can do to stay close after having kids: Find as many reasons to be goofy and stilly together as you can. Couples that play together are far more likely to want to stay together!
Couples who grow stronger after having kids do these 10 simple things:
1. They take care of each other
Your children are watching how you take care of each other. Treat each other in the ways you hope your children’s future sweethearts will treat them and want to be treated by them.
2. They empathize more than criticize
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Spend more time empathizing with the other person’s parenting struggles than trying to correct them or teach them. The more seen we feel, the easier it is for us to find solutions and the less likely we are to feel belittled.
3. They microdose connection
You may not be able to have the same quality time you had before kids, but that doesn’t mean you can’t sprinkle your day with 30-second intervals of connection.
4. They light up when their sweetheart comes into the room
Just like you do for your kids. There is power in reminding each other that you’re glad the other person is in the room.
5. They have a State of the Union meeting
Once a month for 30 minutes, share two things you think are going well in your relationship and two things you want to work on before the next State of the Union.
6. They don't talk seriously when sleepy
If you’re sleep deprived, delay as many serious conversations as you can. Things always look brighter after some shut-eye.
7. They encourage each other to take time for self-care basics
Swap nap duty (one person naps, the other acts as a goalie, keeping the children out of the room where the sleeping partner is slumbering), swap exercise time, and make sure everyone gets a bit of time with friends.
8. They brag about their sweetheart to their children
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There is something incredibly sweet about hearing your person tell your other people how awesome they are.
9. They get good at saying sorry
These couples get reeeeeeeeallllly good at saying, “I’m sorry, you didn’t deserve that reaction. What can I do to help you feel heard, seen, and supported?”
10. They don't forget the fun times
When life seems to have been taken over by all things parenthood and you can’t remember what it was like to be head over heels in love, snag a hug and whisper into each other’s ears about the fun things you would do if you suddenly had the chance. Beaches, adventures, relaxing together, and the other things that grownups enjoy doing when we’re not covered with children from head to toe.
Eli Harwood, therapist and relationship coach, is the author of the book Securely Attached which aims to help people work towards learning secure patterns of relating to other adults. She can be found on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok.
