11 Things It Might Really Mean When A Woman Says 'That's Fine'
WorldStockStudio / Shutterstock We’ve all had moments where we may have been a little dishonest about our feelings. It happens even to the best of us. It can be hard to tell someone what’s going on in our heads. Instead, we might just say, "That’s fine," when it is far from fine.
When a woman says, "That’s fine," she can be lying to save herself from that awkward conversation. Something her partner did likely hurt her feelings, or she is uncomfortable with it, but she struggles to express it directly. Society has taught us that we have to be agreeable. Even when things truly get under our skin, many women will shrug it off for the greater good of the relationship. However, some men can understand that there is an underlying message within that phrase. It could have a totally different meaning.
Here are 11 things it might really mean when a woman says 'that's fine'
1. She’s annoyed, but she’ll get over it
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Sometimes a woman will claim she is fine, but in reality, she is annoyed with the situation. She could be irritated about the plans you made or the person you were hanging out with. Just because she’s annoyed doesn’t mean that she is angry. She might say she’s fine to keep a conversation she feels is unnecessary from happening.
It can be easier to say she is fine than to share her irritability. She knows that she will get over the situation. Likely, she just needs some space to blow off steam. She knows that it is not the end of the world, so she’ll step away to relax. Saying she’s fine is an easy way out of having a conversation that will further get on her nerves and allow her the space she needs to move on.
2. She’s too tired to have that conversation
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If a woman says she’s fine, she might not be. However, she’s too tired to have that conversation. It can take a lot of energy to share your feelings with someone else. After a long day, she likely doesn’t have it in her to start a conversation she knows will escalate into an argument.
Couples who struggle with communication issues deal with this often. She may feel like she can’t talk to you about how she feels. She will grow exhausted by always having to explain herself. A woman could feel like her partner has bad listening skills. She knows she’ll have to go over the argument over and over. It can be too much, so she’ll simply say, "I’m fine."
3. She feels like she’s not entitled to her emotions in that moment
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It can be hard to manage emotions. Women are told throughout our lives that we are too emotional or too crazy. Constantly being told to stifle her true emotions to keep others around her happy can make sharing her true feelings impossible. She will feel like she is not entitled to her true emotions because they are heavy. They impact the person who is making her upset, so she will keep them to herself.
“Women are often labeled as the 'people pleasers' of society. They tend to put the needs of others before their own and have a hard time saying no — even if it means sacrificing their own well-being,” says Friend Forward. When she says she’s fine, she could be worried about how her feelings will impact others. Instead, she keeps them to herself.
4. She’s playing a game to see how much you care
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Sure, this real reason behind a woman saying she’s fine is immature. It’s not a good look to play mind games with anyone, especially your partner. When a woman is afraid to share how she feels, she might say she is fine to see if you can figure out her true feelings. It could come from a place of anxiety, or she is unsure if you actually understand her. She might want to hear you challenge her ‘I’m fine’ to see how much you care about her.
However, for the women out there, it’s important to avoid playing too many games like this, no matter the motivation behind it. “Mind games are behaviors that lack authenticity, mislead someone else, and are typically used as a strategy. These games are confusing and often manipulative, and they can leave the other person feeling powerless and questioning the relationship and the other person’s intentions,” says Brie Schmidt, a relationship advocate and writer.
5. She’s afraid of how you might respond
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No matter how wonderful a relationship might be, it still can be difficult to share our true feelings with our partners. If a woman has strong feelings about something, she may pretend she doesn’t. She’ll say she is fine when in reality, she is afraid of how you might respond. She would never want to upset you. She wonders if you will think of her differently if she is honest. Instead, she holds her true feelings inside and passes them off as if everything is okay.
If she thinks you are going to invalidate her feelings, she will hold them within herself. It can be frustrating for the men, but women do this to protect themselves.
“Emotional invalidation can be the root cause of so many relationship issues, from feeling distant and disconnected to arguing all the time. And most of us don’t even realize when we’re invalidating our partners! Learning to validate each other’s feelings — even when they don’t 'make sense' — helps you both feel more accepted, understood, and loved within your relationship,” says Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby for Growing Self.
This is an argument in favor of putting down your walls and telling your partner how you actually feel.
6. She wants you to leave her alone
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Have you ever been in an argument with someone that feels like it’s going nowhere? When these moments pop up, it’s not uncommon to want the conversation to end. When a woman is feeling far from fine but is completely over the conversation, she will say she is hoping you will leave her alone. She is over the whole situation.
“When someone shuts down during difficult conversations, it often comes from a protective instinct. Your partner may not trust that the conversation will go well, or they might fear that anything they say will escalate the situation. This silence isn’t about punishment — it’s about self-protection and relationship preservation,” says relationship coach Yvette Erasmus.
7. She doesn’t want to say something she’ll regret because she is angry
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I am guilty of saying things out of anger that I will regret. I am someone who feels my emotions strongly. I know that I can be rude when I am upset. I try to hold my tongue when I can, so it’s easier to say ‘I’m fine’ than try to open up about my feelings without losing my cool. I know a lot of women who choose to say this phrase to save face. They do not want to show the worst side of themselves because it will hurt the person they love.
Somehow, we have to find a balance between saying what we think and lashing out. Some women have mastered this, while others (like myself, unfortunately) struggle. Saying that you are fine instead of airing out what is hurting you feels like the easier route.
"Society shuns angry women, convincing them that their rage is impolite, unattractive, or even unhealthy" is a famous quote from Rebecca Traister, who spoke to the reasons women hold our tongues to prevent ourselves from acting out in anger.
8. She’s given up on trying to get you to understand
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Some things happen in relationships that become recurring issues. From the same arguments over and over to continued behavior you asked them to stop, it’s frustrating. A woman may feel like a man will never understand her concerns. If she doesn’t see any changes in his actions, she will grow frustrated. It will be easier to say that she is fine because she feels like she can’t get through to you. She is tired of nothing changing.
“She may think you already know what you did. You unknowingly go about your day, acting like everything is fine. It feels to her like the grievance is not that important to you. Which means she is not that important to you. Meanwhile, she is losing sleep and heavy-hearted throughout the day,” says Jenny Stecklair for Cultivate and Keep. “Or maybe this is an issue you have already talked about several times, and nothing has changed; you did it again. If you haven’t shown that you care to change, she feels frustrated that it’s something that she needs to bring up again.”
9. She thinks her feelings are too complex to explain
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I am guilty of this one. Sometimes, my feelings are overwhelming. I don’t know how to explain them. It doesn’t matter who I am talking to; I will struggle to put my feelings into words. A lot of women can relate to this. Complex emotions can be hard to verbalize. Instead, a woman might claim she is fine to avoid having to put words to them.
This doesn’t always mean that she thinks you won’t be able to understand her feelings, though in some situations it might. At least for me, more often than not, my mind is going a mile a minute. When I feel flustered, I struggle to name my emotions. I will say that I am fine because, honestly, I don’t know how to explain where I am at.
10. She thinks you should already know how she feels
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Picture this: you did something your partner notoriously gets upset about. She has told you time and time again that this specific thing gets under her skin. However, you slipped up. You did it again. This time, she says that she’s fine when you ask her about it. Great, you may think, she’s finally over it. You could not be further from the truth.
If someone continuously does something that upsets us, and we are asked what is wrong when they do it again, a lot of us will want to avoid this conversation. You think they would know by now what upsets you. Maybe he was texting that coworker again, or didn’t let you know he would be home late from work. He does these things occasionally, and every time, you let him know how it makes you feel. When he continues to do it, but dares to ask you what’s wrong, you likely say, "That’s fine," because he should know by now that it is not fine.
11. She is considering leaving
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If your partner asks you to do something you are not comfortable with, but you are already over the relationship, you might say, "That’s fine." Or, if he has hurt you again, you’ll pretend everything is okay because you are already over the relationship. If you’re on your way out, why argue?
“When she stops fighting for you, it’s because she is tired. Tired of having arguments over the same exact thing over and over again. Tired of trying to get you to change when it is clear you are never going to do that. Tired of getting her hopes up and then getting disappointed by you yet again,” says Easton Oliver. If she is sick of you constantly letting her down, she’s ready to leave, and she won’t try to argue with you anymore.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
