Most Couples Don’t Break Up Over Cheating — It’s For This Much Sadder Reason

There's good news and there's bad news.

Last updated on Oct 18, 2025

Couple doesn't break up. Musa Ortac | Unsplash
Advertisement

There's good news and there's bad news.  The good news is that couples are divorcing less these days due to infidelity. But the bad news? 

Most couples aren't breaking up over cheating —  they're divorcing more because they've fallen out of love. 

couple who didn't break up over cheating but a much sadder reason LightField Studios / Shutterstock

Advertisement

According to a 2011 survey by leading family law firms, it was found that the most common reason cited for divorce was a couple falling out of love. This was the main reason that couples were giving the go-ahead to the proceedings for getting a divorce.

I honestly don't know which is more depressing: having an extra-marital affair, or just deciding that you'd rather be alone than have to look at your spouse's face every night for the rest of your life.

They both sound kind of awful to me, but I'd rather have my husband cheat on me than have him fall out of love with me. Imagine you're married for all those years, and suddenly, your partner forgets what brought you together in the first place?

Advertisement

You can sometimes rebuild after cheating, but when love fades, it's a lot harder to find your way back.

If bull-headed Miranda Hobbes could forgive Steve, can't we all? (That's a SATC reference, for those who don't know.) An affair, depending on its circumstances, seems like an obstacle between two people that can be overcome.

RELATED: 8 Invisible Signs A Marriage Is Unstable And About To Fall Apart

While I wouldn't forgive my husband if he had a second family in Arizona or something like that, I would be open to forgiveness if his affair was a one-night sort of deal. Of course, I'd be devastated (as I hope that he would be, too), but there's still therapy and counseling and crying and friends that can mend the tear in the relationship.

And, who knows, you could even emerge stronger and more in love than you were before the harrowing process. And if you do decide to get a divorce after the affair, it would be an easier pill to swallow than getting a divorce because you've fallen out of love.

Advertisement

If he were to come up to me and say that he's fallen out of love with me — that he's willing to re-enter the dating pool, that he's gotten an apartment downtown, and that I can keep the house because he just doesn't want to be around me anymore — that just seems way more harsh.

RELATED: 13 Subtle Signs You Should Break Up, Even If Your Relationship Is 'Fine'

It's so much more personal that way! While cheating would kill me, it wouldn't deflate me as much as it would to have someone admitting that they're so over me that they'd like to legally separate themselves from my life. Even after all we'd built together.

Research confirms that growing apart, lack of love, and lack of affection are among the most frequently cited reasons couples give for relationship dissolution.

Infidelity accounts for 59.6% of divorces, according to one major study. In the end, both betrayal and growing apart leave scars ... but at least with infidelity, there was still something worth betraying.

Advertisement

RELATED: Couples Therapist Says There Are Only 3 Situations That He’d Suggest People Break Up

Lindsay Mannering has contributed to the Huffington Post and Styleite and was featured in Tara Stiles' yoga book. She has been featured in The Dipp, Medium, The New York Times, Sydney Morning Herald, Bustle, The (Toronto) Star, The Age, and more.

Loading...