Wife Who Hosts Christmas For Her Entire Family Every Year Called ‘Selfish’ For Wanting A Year Off
The most cheerful time of the year ... or is it?
Gladskikh Tatiana / Shutterstock The holidays, a time for love, cheerfulness, and (for some) hosting the family Christmas party. While certain people enjoy decorating, preparing, and cooking for their loved ones, it might be the very last thing that others want to spend their time doing.
And sometimes your feelings may shift, making hosting overwhelming and stressful. This was the case for one woman who took to Reddit to ask for advice on stepping back from hosting holiday festivities for her family.
A woman is being called 'selfish' because she decided that she doesn't want to host Christmas for her whole family next year.
On Reddit, a woman asked for advice on whether she's in the wrong for wanting to take a break from hosting the holidays. In the post, she explained that she usually takes on a lot of responsibility in her family, hosting events, organizing things, and providing support, saying, "I host all major holidays as my home is large and neutral to family drama." But this year, she's not feeling so thrilled about it.
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After hearing about a friend's holiday plans to have a normal lunch and enjoy family time at home, she admitted, "It sounded so lovely I felt like crying. So next year I have decided I won’t be hosting, we will either stay home and order takeaway or will plan a long trip over the holiday."
Her husband was surprised when she told him her thoughts, but he agreed that a quiet Christmas sounded nice. However, her extended family didn't have quite the same reaction. The woman shared, "I spoke to my parents & in-laws about this in passing in our daily catch ups and the reaction was incredible. I felt like the Grinch and the whole family is acting like I have cancelled Christmas for everyone."
Though the woman's family claims that she's ruining the holiday, commenters were supportive of her decision.
Many users encouraged her to stand her ground, with one writing, "You're not 'cancelling Christmas' — you're still hosting this year's event, you've just given advance notice that you won't be doing it next year. Grandparents and other relatives need to grow up and recognize that seeing their grandchildren/niblings on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day is not the end of the world."
Others think the family's response is quite telling. Another user said, "I can see why you’re exhausted hosting them, from that response I bet they do the bare minimum to prep, serve and clean up the meal, let alone everything else that goes into hosting."
A third user summarized the frustrations of dealing with family during the holidays, writing, "The reason they are so bothered is because they will have to organise something if you don't. Nobody else wants to take on all the extra chores and organisation of hosting. And nobody wants to host people they don't get on with but they also don't want to deal with the nonsense from other family members."
Dealing with difficult family dynamics around the holidays can be hard.
It's a time to be grateful for the loved ones in our lives, but that doesn't mean we're immune to experiencing stress and drama with our families. Gathering together still feels meaningful, even when it's complicated.
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Headspace.com, a mental health support service, shares, "It’s not just holiday timing that can be difficult for families. Research shows that our relationships with our families have an effect on our well-being, and that strained relationships create a noteworthy amount of stress in our lives. So when a stressful time and a stressful family relationship collide, we might find ourselves feeling more fraught than ever."
Set boundaries early on, and don't be afraid to communicate and enforce them. The tension will often dissipate at the end of the holiday season, but you'll be left with hurt feelings and toxic relationships that last throughout the year. Change can definitely be hard for some people, especially around the holidays, but that doesn't mean that switching things up can't be good. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this woman needing to recharge her batteries next year. Plenty of notice was given, which means it should be pretty easy for someone else to host.
Kayla Asbach is a writer currently working on her bachelor's degree at the University of Central Florida. She covers relationships, psychology, self-help, pop culture, and human interest topics.
