If You're A Truly Decent Person, You Avoid Saying These 11 Hurtful Things To Anyone
You shouldn't even consider saying these things if you're truly a decent person.
marate / Shutterstock Many people say rude things with ease because they don't care for the people around them, even their loved ones. But if you pride yourself on being a truly decent person, there are several hurtful things you avoid saying to anyone, no matter how well you do or don't know them.
It can take very little to hurt someone's feelings and leave them feeling betrayed if you say the wrong thing at the wrong time or exude an 'I told you so' tone when they're feeling vulnerable.
If you're a truly decent person, you avoid saying these 11 hurtful things to anyone
1. 'You're overreacting'
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When someone seems to be going through a breakdown or starts ranting about something that just happened to them, if you were really a decent person, you would listen and try to offer some advice. What you definitely shouldn't do is diminish their reaction and make them feel as though they're acting crazy.
Telling a friend they're overreacting is very dismissive and invalidating, which can make the other person feel unheard and judged. It's more constructive to respond with empathy and focus on trying to solve the issue so that it won't happen again in the future.
2. 'This is why no one likes you'
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A comment like this is never going to make that person want to change themselves, and a decent person would never say it. If anything, they're probably planning on curling up into a ball and crying. Saying something harsh in an attempt to 'motivate growth' does the exact opposite, making someone lose confidence and feel unlovable.
Actual decent people know that shaming someone will do more harm than good and will push them into further insecurity, making it harder, in the long run, for them to become better. Verbal insults have actually been found to decrease motivation and performance.
3. 'You always do this'
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A decent person knows it can never hurt to remind someone that they're starting to get back into old habits, but it becomes a different thing when you frame something as a fixed character flaw when it really isn't, causing someone to think twice before they feel comfortable being themselves. Saying this phrase can make a person feel boxed in and even feel as though they're incapable of change or improvement.
Decent people learn that they shouldn't point out what someone does unless it's actively hurting someone else or themselves. If you decide to point out that they laugh too obnoxiously, that it makes heads turn, they might never feel comfortable revealing their genuine laugh in front of anyone ever again, with your comment ringing in their head.
4. 'I honestly don't care'
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A really decent person would show that they care about their friends, no matter what they're talking about, from philosophical takes to mundane conversations. Research has even shown that having a quality conversation with your friends daily, no matter what it's about, can increase happiness and lower stress levels.
Caring about a friend means caring about the little things, too. Even if you're talking to a stranger or a coworker, showing that you're engaged in a conversation can make their day better and make them view you as a genuine person.
5. 'You're too sensitive'
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Learning to understand how situations may affect people differently and respecting whatever emotions come with it is something a decent person does. Disregarding someone as just being sensitive because they're showing their genuine emotions can make them feel stupid for even feeling that way. Just because someone is reacting differently from you doesn't mean that you have the right to tell them how they should or shouldn't react.
Even when you don't agree with someone or how they're acting, it's important to find a way to understand where they're coming from. When you do the simple notion of asking why they might feel that way, it opens a different perspective and establishes a sense of trust, and helps the person feel supported by their friend.
6. 'Maybe you're the problem'
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A decent person would never say this to their friend or even anyone that they barely know. It comes off as extremely judgmental and rude. If someone were to make this comment without offering any advice or direction, it leaves people with a terrible feeling and makes them rethink all their choices.
If someone truly wants to help, they would find a more gentle way to phrase it by asking questions and offering guidance so they can help solve whatever situation they got themselves into. Dropping a harsh one-liner never accomplishes anything except making it known that you're not someone they want to be friends with.
7. 'Just get over it'
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There's always that one friend who keeps complaining about the same things and people over and over again, but a decent person would never tell them to get over it, instead, they'd ask why they keep circling back to the same issues. Oftentimes, the person doesn't even realize that they've been doing this to themselves.
Or if a friend were to come up to you to talk about their breakup that happened months ago, instead of being rude, try changing the conversation to help them forget about it by saying something like, "How have you been feeling without them?" or even, "Do you want me to set you up with one of my friends?" It's all about being present for your friends when they need you and considering their needs.
8. 'You're probably not good enough'
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Telling someone they're not good enough, no matter the context, is never the right way to handle a situation with them, and a decent person would avoid this phrase at all costs. Instead of making real progress and addressing whatever problem they're dealing with, they choose to attack self-worth, probably because it's easier than sitting down and actually helping them.
Decent people will always choose to uplift others rather than put them down just because it might be the easiest way out of a long conversation. When a friend or anyone else is struggling to believe in their self-worth, offering a few words of encouragement or constructive feedback can go a long way.
9. 'I'm just being honest'
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This is usually what someone might say when they're trying to justify their rude comments towards someone. A decent person would never consider saying this in that regard. Just because someone might feel entitled to speak their mind doesn't give them the right to be straight-up rude to someone.
Kindness and clarity can coexist. It's all about being a decent enough person to give yourself time to find the right words to say to someone without hurting their feelings.
10. 'I'd be embarrassed if I were you'
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Telling someone how they should feel after doing or saying something wouldn't come from the mouths of decent people, but from people who like to see others feel ashamed of themselves. This phrase can be incredibly hurtful, especially if it's directed towards someone who's already pretty vulnerable or is trying to do something that took courage.
Decent people offer reassurance and a different perspective instead of piling on humiliation to help the person feel less embarrassed. Shaming someone causes not only mental but also physical health problems, so think twice if you're considering using this phrase.
11. 'You should've known better'
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Decent people know to avoid this phrase because it can shame someone who didn't have the knowledge or clarity that could only've been gained after the matter. Making someone feel stupid for making a human mistake, rather than acknowledging that people learn through trial and error, makes you seem insensitive and emotionally immature.
A decent person understands that growth happens through experience, so instead of offering shame, they offer support and let them know this experience will help them in the future.
Being a decent person doesn't require much energy. It just matters that you know the difference between being a good human who cares for the feelings of others, even if you don't know them, and being someone who only looks after themselves. Remember that offering just a few kind words to someone has a better impact than saying something harsh and unnecessary, which they'll remember for the rest of their lives.
Doreen Albuerne is a writer with a bachelor's degree in journalism, covering relationships, mental health, and lifestyle topics.
