11 Difficult Conversations High-Functioning Families Never Feel A Need To Avoid
Families that stay stable and connected aren't afraid of confrontation.
PeopleImages / Shutterstock Some families learn to embrace the awkwardness and tension that come with unresolved discussions. This not only fosters an unhealthy communication style for their children, but also leaves conflicts unresolved and apologies unspoken as they wait for the morning to come, so they can act as though nothing ever happened. High-functioning families never feel the need to avoid these conversations because they know that allowing everyone to feel heard will only bring them closer.
On the other side of the spectrum, some families learn that the best way to teach lessons and instill a positive communication style is by having those serious conversations as a family. When parents sit with their child and admit to something they were wrong about or ask their child about something they've been accused of, it not only helps them in the moment but it sets them up for success in the future in all their relationships.
These are 11 difficult conversations high-functioning families never feel a need to avoid
1. Discussions around setting boundaries
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Although this may seem like a fundamental and necessary conversation to have with anyone, many families don't set their own boundaries with their kids, or vice versa. High-functioning families, however, never feel a need to avoid this topic. If anything, they encourage it.
These conversations can cover a range of boundaries. When the kids start to grow up and have friends or significant others over, boundaries need to be set. When parents host dinner parties that extend until midnight, boundaries need to be set. Or even as kids start to go through puberty or experience other life changes, boundaries are the most important to them during this time.
Communicating boundaries is healthy in families and helps build trust and create a respectful relationship among everyone. Everyone deserves to feel secure and trusted in their own home.
2. Financial decisions
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It's been normalized that children should not be involved in family financial decisions or even have to worry about them. Still, when it affects their future, high-functioning families find it best to have an open discussion about it. This isn't to say that a five-year-old should know when their parents are planning to take a mortgage out on the house, but when they start to become a teenager and are starting to plan their future, letting them know about the family finances can not only educate but also help build a clear path for what their future may look like.
When a kid's brain is developing, it is crucial to keep in mind that they need to understand how money works. Offering to give them a budget when they go shopping with you and having them "shop" for themselves can be a great lesson in how much things cost.
“If parents wait until their children are teenagers to have serious discussions about money, they've already let a pretty formative decade pass,” Michigan Ross Professor Scott Rick says.
3. Mental health concerns
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When a family member starts not acting like themselves, the one thing that shouldn't be done is to avoid talking about it, and high-functioning families know this. Whether or not mental illness runs in the family, a member can still develop it. It shouldn't be like a confrontation but rather a warm conversation that shows that they're cared for and their family wants to help them get through this.
Having support when someone isn't feeling well can make all the difference. Knowing that one person isn't fighting this battle but rather an army can help that person get on the track to getting better quicker than someone who is being ignored by their loved ones. Families should always stick together through the highs and the lows.
4. Accountability
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Each and every family member needs to take accountability when they're in the wrong or make a mistake, from the kids to the parents. High-functioning families learn early on that this is the best way to resolve conflicts. During fights, sometimes owning up to being wrong can be more reassuring than just apologizing. Anyone can apologize, but learning why certain words or actions were wrong and owning up to them makes the other person respect you more.
One study found that when children learn to take accountability for their own actions and are encouraged by their family to do so, they have more positive social interactions than those who don't.
5. When a parenting style needs to evolve
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Parents sometimes instill the parenting styles they were raised on in their own children. Sometimes it works, and other times it might be better to create something entirely new. High-functioning families understand that every child is unique and requires a tailored approach to parenting that best suits their individual needs. What better way to know what works with a child than to have an open conversation about it with them?
If a child is starting to misbehave often, don't just assume they're acting out on purpose. Instead, have a conversation with them, ask what's been on their mind, and what made them want to act this way. Many parents find that, with a simple conversation, they can learn more about what their child has been going through and how they can step in to fix it. It's usually a simple fix! If not, it can be the start of a long process. Nevertheless, it's important that they know how to help their family.
6. End-of-life decisions
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This is never an easy topic when someone in the family is starting to get sick or grow old, and it's one that many often want to ignore as much as possible. However, high-functioning families know that time is not always on their side, and conversations still need to be had. Whether the parents are getting to the last stages of their life, and the children need to start thinking about where their final resting place should be, or if a child unexpectedly starts to get unwell and can't get treated to get better.
It's a terrible moment in anyone's life, but it can relieve anxiety, and it's crucial that granted wishes will be honored. It can also help with the grieving process by preventing any regret, since nothing was left unsaid.
7. Lifestyle choices
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Sometimes, a family member might stray from what is seen as traditional in their family, from morals to their lifestyle choices. High-functioning families understand that, regardless of their lifestyle choices or identity, they are still a family, and therefore, they will dedicate a conversation to exploring these aspects in order to learn more about them and fully understand why they made these decisions.
A child may decide to leave the house at 18 and start backpacking parts of the world they have never seen, and though they may consider this irrational, other families would rather learn more about their thought process to find a way to support them. Having a family that truly supports every decision, no matter how different it may be from what they're used to, is having a family that loves unconditionally.
8. When someone needs distance
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High-functioning families and parents understand when a child decides they need space away from the family to be alone for a while, and they don't get offended by it. How? Because they more than likely had an open conversation about it, where both parties were able to share their feelings and the reasoning behind them fully.
This can be a teenager explaining why they want to move thousands of miles away from home for college, or even a young child letting their parents know they want to explore a park on their own. Child independent mobility is linked to high self-confidence and self-esteem, and it also improves their risk assessment.
9. Relationship problems
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When a child feels comfortable enough with their parents to be able to talk about their relationships, the good parts and the bad, it shows that their family has excellent communication skills. High-functioning families are also aware that children don't have to tell their parents everything about their lives, but they should never turn down their parents when they come to them for relationship advice.
Needing guidance during a breakup or a rough patch in a relationship isn't uncommon. Sometimes, it's our loved ones who can make us feel better during those shaky moments. Having a family that truly understands you is also having someone who truly knows what you need out of a relationship, and they will help you build the confidence you need to get that.
10. When trust has been broken
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It can be easy for a family member to lose another's trust through a small action or something said under their breath. When trust is broken, high-functioning families know how important it is to quickly restore that trust and balance within the family. When there's tension between two family members (or more), the house can feel like it's on shaky ground.
To restore harmony in the family, it's important to note just how grave the situation is. Sometimes, the two members will need time on their own to think about the problem, which may require days or weeks, so rushing may not be helpful in this case. However, when trust is broken over something minor, having both members sit face-to-face and explain their perspective can help resolve any misunderstandings.
11. Caring for a family member
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There are times when children end up having to take care of their parents at any age, and high-functioning families aren't afraid to talk about expectations when that happens. Especially when a young child is expected to look after their parent, communication is crucial. Knowing exactly what their parent need and how they can do that for them can offer a faster recovery.
When a child's parent grows old and needs additional support, that conversation can be difficult as well. It's hard to see the person who raised you start to depend on you to help them live.
No matter how difficult a conversation may be, families who genuinely care for each other and their well-being understand that having such conversations is ultimately for the better. It helps the family grow as a whole, and it sets a successful path for the child.
Doreen Albuerne is a writer with a bachelor's degree in journalism who covers relationships, mental health, and lifestyle topics.
