To Know If A Man Will Be A Good Husband, Pay Attention To These 11 Things About His Mom’s Life
A man is often more influenced by his mother than you may think.
Ground Picture | Shutterstock When you need to know whether a man will make a good husband or not, paying attention to certain things about his mom’s life can give you insights into what kind of husband he would be. The way his mom handles herself and what is expected of her around the house are two major things that will help you identify how a man will act in a relationship and what he may expect of his wife.
If the life you see his mom living does not seem appealing to you, or you find that it goes against your values, you may want to reconsider the idea of marrying the man you are dating. The way her life is currently could possibly be what yours will look like in the future if you make him your husband.
To know if a man will be a good husband, pay attention to these 11 things about his mom's life
1. Does she set her own boundaries?
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The emotional maturity of a man and his capacity to manage a healthy relationship can be influenced by the way his mother sets her own boundaries. If his mother sets her own boundaries and makes them clear in her relationships, and her relationship with her son, he is likely to make a good husband.
A man who will make a good husband needs to be emotionally mature enough to develop his own identity and not become enmeshed with his mom. He should be setting his own boundaries, even with family, in order to maintain healthy relationships as well as build new, healthy connections.
2. Does she spend money without feeling guilty?
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Financial behaviors are learned by what a son has observed his parents doing. If his mother spends money and never feels guilty about any purchases, he will likely be the same when it comes to his own spending habits.
“You can thank your mother for your money habits. From budgeting to saving to spending — all those grocery runs and afternoons at the mall with mom, plus watching her pay bills at the kitchen table — shaped how you manage your own finances. Young kids especially look to their mothers for guidance on money matters, according to a CreditCards.com survey,” explains Adelia Cellini Linecker for Investor’s Business Daily.
Your own financial goals will help you dictate whether or not the kind of spending habits he has makes him a good potential husband.
3. Does she people please?
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To tell whether a man would make a good husband, paying attention to if his mother tends to people please or not is crucial. If she allows others to dictate all her decisions and is easily walked over by others, her son is likely to do the same in his relationships, and he is less likely to become a good leader.
“Being a people-pleasing parent has also been linked to child outcomes. Not surprisingly, children whose parents are people-pleasers tend to develop those tendencies themselves as a result of a variety of factors—including pressure to behave in a specific way to please others,” according to Erin O’Connor, a professor in teaching and learning at New York University’s Steinhardt School of Culture, Education, and Human Development.
4. Does she carry all the emotional load?
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If you notice that in her own marriage, his mother is left to carry all the emotional load of her marriage and family alone, her son may not make the best husband. This is all he has seen growing up, so it only makes sense that he will believe that this is how a marriage is supposed to look.
If he is married to you, he will expect that you will be responsible solely for handling all the emotions, and he will be less open to hearing you out about the way you are feeling. This can potentially become a huge burden for you, and it could lead you to feel alone in your marriage.
5. Does she handle all the responsibilities?
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When his mother is left to handle all the household responsibilities, he will likely adapt this outdated mindset and expect the same from you in a marriage. If you know you are someone who wants responsibilities to be shared between you and your husband, then he may not be a good husband for you.
When children are young, they are highly impressionable, so whatever they experience while growing up is likely to shape their beliefs about social norms as adults.
“During childhood and adolescence, norms deriving from parents are considered a critical resource. The relationship between parents and their children has indeed an important socializing function: most of the habits, skills, values, and motives that permit children to become adults able to adequately function within the requirements of a society are learned through parent-child interactions,” explain the authors of a study published by the National Library of Medicine (NLM).
6. Does she ever complain?
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If you notice that his mother never seems to complain, even when it seems obvious that something is bothering her, her son may end up the same way or may expect the same behavior from you. He will be more likely to suppress his own feelings and believe that you should do the same.
In a relationship, this behavior is not healthy because it hinders intimacy and leads to both partners’ needs being neglected. Instead of feeling like he can express his feelings even if they may cause conflict, he will avoid the matter and allow himself to be unhappy rather than work to change the circumstances.
7. Does she pursue her goals and ambitions?
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If a mother has goals and works to pursue them, chances are her son will too, and this tends to be a good quality in a partner. Not only will he constantly work to reach his own goals, but he will most likely push you to be ambitious as well.
“Parents should also be mindful of their own extrinsic goals, as they may influence extrinsic aspirations in their children and possibly compromise their well-being over the long term,” according to the authors of a 2024 meta-analysis.
It's common for children to adopt similar goals that their parents have had, so if his mom is very ambitious and has inspiring goals, he will be a good husband who also has inspiring goals.
8. How does she cope with challenges?
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By analyzing how his mother copes with certain challenges, you can tell how her son will most likely cope and manage them as well. The person you decide to marry becomes the person you will face every challenge in life with, so to determine if he will be a good husband, you need to understand who you will be overcoming challenges with.
If a mother handles her own challenges well, her son is likely to develop resilience and have good problem-solving skills. In a relationship, he will not only validate his own emotions, but he will also be more likely to validate yours as well because his mother taught him how to cope with rather than dismiss feelings. These are traits that usually show someone has the potential to be a good husband.
9. How does she handle conflict?
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If a mother handles conflict well, her son is likely to also develop good conflict management skills. When she teaches her son to sensitively handle conflict, he is able to create more positive outcomes from conflict.
This is a positive trait in a relationship and marriage because conflict is inevitable. Someone who does not aim to avoid conflict but rather embraces it and practices good communication techniques when it arises is someone who will be much easier to build a healthy and successful relationship with.
10. How does she approach parenting?
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The way his mother approaches parenting is the foundation of how he handles adulthood and potentially how he will parent his own children. If you are considering marrying him, paying attention to this may help you determine whether or not he will be a good husband and father.
In order to be a good husband, they need to have a solid foundation. This means they need to have a strong understanding of who they are physically, emotionally, and socially, as well as understand their roots and how it has shaped their ultimate purpose, explains Chantelle Pattemore.
This solid foundation is built from the approach to parenting his parents took, so understanding his mother’s approach to this will help you better understand if he has a firm foundation.
11. Does she practice independence?
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If you notice his mother practicing independence and not being afraid to stick up for herself, there is a good chance that her son will be similar. If he follows in his mother’s independent footsteps, he will likely be a good leader for the relationship and therefore a good husband.
Considering she will likely be a role model for her son, if she is practicing positive behaviors, then while growing up, he likely adopted similar behaviors. If she were also more of an authoritative figure due to her independence, he would likely develop more positive traits.
By paying attention to the way a man’s mother carries herself and the various aspects of her life, you can determine how he will carry himself within a marriage, how he will treat you, and what he will expect of you. If you find that your wants for a husband align with who he is, he will likely be a good husband for you.
Kamryn Idol is a writer with a bachelor's degree in media and journalism who covers lifestyle, relationship, family, and wellness topics.
