If A Man Starts Spending Money On These 11 Things, His Marriage Is In Trouble
When a man starts purchasing these things, his marriage might not be as good as it seems.
Srdjan Randjelovic / Shutterstock Financial issues can easily lead to conflict within a marriage. These issues can create emotional barriers, making communication less effective. What starts as financial differences may quickly spiral into issues affecting every other aspect of the relationship, as those issues become increasingly more difficult to resolve due to the stress on both spouses.
When a man starts spending money on things that help him avoid his partner, the emotional connection and trust within the relationship begin to erode. If both partners wish to overcome these issues and save their marriage, they should aim to have an effective conversation that addresses the root cause of their financial problems.
If a man starts spending money on these 11 things, his marriage is in trouble
1. Excessive TV subscriptions
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When a man starts spending excessive amounts of money on TV subscriptions, his marriage is likely in trouble. Devoting more time and attention to the television instead of his partner will create a barrier in their intimacy and communication.
When a husband prioritizes indulging in television rather than his relationship, his partner will likely begin feeling neglected and feeling like they have to fight for his attention. Feeling this way in a relationship is not healthy, nor is it conducive to building a strong intimate bond, because it makes their partner less likely to bring up issues within the relationship if it always feels like he is uninterested.
2. Gadgets and technology for entertainment
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If a man suddenly starts spending a lot of money on gadgets and technology for entertainment, his marriage may be in trouble. Needing these things to fill a void and act as a distraction signals a growing emotional distance between him and his partner.
When someone becomes too connected to technology, they often use it to avoid certain situations and conversations that they may perceive as being difficult. In a relationship, this is very unhealthy because it makes it hard for one partner to bring up aspects of the relationship that need to be worked on. It can also leave one partner feeling like they are never heard and that their feelings are not being validated.
3. Bars and entertainment venues
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When a man starts spending money on bars and other entertainment venues, his marriage may be in trouble. Certain purchases, like these, can signal that there is an emotional disconnection within a relationship.
Spending money on these kinds of things shows that the man feels as though he needs to find entertainment and fulfillment outside of the relationship. Instead of bringing up his dissatisfaction with the relationship, he uses these outlets as a way to cope and avoid having the difficult conversations. This results in these issues never having the chance to be resolved, and there is only so long a marriage can last when facing constant conflict that never resolves.
4. Excessive spending on hobbies
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If a man starts spending excessively on his own personal hobbies, his marriage may be in trouble. While having hobbies is a good and healthy thing, excessive spending on anything can cause financial strain within a relationship.
There may be mismatched spending values between the two partners. One may believe that the majority of money should go towards necessities, while the other believes that there is nothing wrong with spending excessive amounts of money on wants. These conflicting values regarding something as significant as money tends to lead into other conflicts that are financially driven.
5. Unnecessary home upgrades
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If a man starts spending money on unnecessary home upgrades, especially without consulting his partner first, this is a sign that his marriage is in trouble. Not only does this signal a loss of trust, but it also shows that he views their shared space as something he has the right to.
A relationship where the man feels like his partner’s opinion does not matter is unhealthy and will lead to a controlling and unhappy environment. Both partners need to feel validated in how they feel, and if the man has something deeper going on, like not feeling as fulfilled in the relationship as he once did, instead of spending money on unnecessary things to distract him, he should communicate how he feels to his partner.
6. Impulse purchases
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If a man has a tendency to spend money impulsively on items that he does not even need, this could mean his marriage is in trouble. Spending impulsively can cause unnecessary financial stress in a relationship, which can quickly lead to other issues.
“Financial stress impacts relationships by affecting communication. Several studies by Coger et al. have demonstrated that more financial stress in a relationship causes more frequent and intense arguments. When we are more stressed, we are more vulnerable to negative communication, which negatively impacts our relationships,” explains Tasha Seiter, a licensed family and marriage therapist.
When communication suffers within a relationship, issues become increasingly difficult to resolve.
7. Solo trips
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When a man starts spending money on solo trips, there is a possibility that his marriage is in trouble. While independence in a relationship is very important, there could be a deeper reason for his wanting to go on a solo trip that is not related to personal self-growth.
If he feels a desire to escape his partner or feels there is a lack of shared interest in the relationship, he may wish to travel alone instead of aiming to work through these issues. This can be a coping mechanism, but by avoiding the root causes of needing to take a solo trip, the issues within the relationship never get resolved. This will likely lead to more issues.
8. Excessive gaming
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A man starting to spend an excessive amount of money on gaming will likely be a sign of deeper troubles within his marriage. This can cause strain on the relationship because it causes isolation and creates an emotional toll, leaving one partner with an overwhelming amount of responsibilities and no one to lean on.
One study found that "spouses of individuals who play games excessively referred to experiences of anger, resentment, stress and frustration in relation to a partner's gaming, particularly in regard to unequal division of tasks such as care for children and household chores."
Playing games together can be a great way to bond, and a certain amount of gaming alone can be a fun way to relax, but gaming so much that you avoid responsibilities and leave your partner feeling lonely is not a great idea for either person.
9. Secretive spending
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If a man is hiding certain purchases, his marriage is most likely in trouble. The act of hiding purchases from their partner is considered financial infidelity, and it breaks a sense of trust within the relationship as well as causes other emotional turmoil for both partners.
“Financial infidelity can create long-term trust issues, leaving the betrayed partner questioning what else their partner has lied to them about. The betrayed partner often feels angry and deeply hurt. In contrast, the partner who engaged in financial infidelity often feels a complicated mix of guilt, shame, and resentment,” according to Lisa Marie Bobby, a licensed psychologist and marriage and family therapist. If not talked about, these are emotions and issues that can be very hard to overcome in a relationship. Both partners have to be willing to work through this together.
10. Personal luxuries over shared needs
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When a man prioritizes spending money on his own personal luxuries rather than the shared needs of himself and his spouse, the marriage may be in trouble. In a healthy relationship, when it comes to finances, there has to be a sense of teamwork and a “we” mindset.
When that mindset changes, the man will likely want to regain control and spend money in whatever ways he sees fit. “It’s not uncommon for financial behavior to shift in the lead-up to or midst of divorce. Some spouses spend money as a way to assert control. For others, it’s an attempt to alter the landscape of the marital estate,” explains Freed Marcroft, a Connecticut-based divorce and family law firm.
11. Buying things for others constantly
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If a man is secretly spending money on other people constantly, the marriage may be in trouble. This act of financial infidelity erodes trust and signals a lack of commitment within the relationship.
“Money is a sensitive topic and can even be so amongst two individuals that are close. If both partners are not on the same page about money, financial issues can often lead to the couple splitting up or being extremely unhappy in the relationship,” according to Julia Kagan from Investopedia.
If this infidelity is deteriorating the relationship, it shows that there is a disconnect in how each partner believes money should be spent, as well as a disconnect in feelings within the relationship.
A 2023 study found that finances are responsible for 40% of conflicts in long-term relationships. In order for partners to work through these conflicts and save their marriage, effective conversations need to be had about what deeper, emotional issues within the marriage could be causing one of the partners to be acting out financially.
Kamryn Idol is a writer with a bachelor's degree in media and journalism who covers lifestyle, relationship, family, and wellness topics.
