Dad Contemplates Divorce After His Gossipy Wife Punishes Their Daughter For Not Sharing Secrets With Her Anymore
This is a matter of broken trust.
Svitlana Hulko | Shutterstock A frustrated dad is contemplating divorce after his gossipy wife punished their 16-year-old daughter for not sharing secrets with her. Turning to Reddit, he explained that it all started when his wife shared confidential information about their daughter's life with anyone who would listen, and now their house is in turmoil.
There's definitely no such thing as the perfect parent, and it's natural for mistakes to be made, but in this mom's case, her gossipy ways weren't just a one-time error in judgment. Her inability to respect her daughter's sense of privacy had been going on for years, and instead of making amends with the teen, she punished her for pulling away. Now, in an effort to protect his daughter's peace, this dad is considering divorce.
A dad said he's contemplating divorce after his gossipy wife punished their daughter for not sharing secrets with her:
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The dad explained that his relationship with his wife was in tatters, and it all started when their daughter was 13, and she told her mom about feelings she had for a family friend's son. You can imagine what happened next.
He wrote, "My wife decided that this was 'too cute' [not] to share and told everyone during a family BBQ, including the boy. This embarrassed my daughter and I told my wife to stop as this made our daughter upset, but my wife justified it at the time because they were just kids."
As if that incident wasn't bad enough, her inability to avoid gossiping only got worse from there. The dad explained, "Admittedly most of these incidents were unnoticed by me for years because they were usually conversations between my wife and her friends when I wasn't around as she didn't like it when I interrupted girl time. However I am noticing more now, like my wife telling everyone about my daughter's business, like texts, phone calls, and other secrets that she told her mom in the past when believing they wouldn't be told."
Naturally, the teen daughter started confiding more in her dad, but it incensed her mom.
It was only natural for this teen girl to stop confiding in her mom after she broke her confidence at every turn. And while she was hurt that the teen wouldn't engage in what she called "girl talk" any longer, the fact that she had turned to her dad as a confidante seemed to be the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak.
One of the secrets the teen told her dad but kept from her mom was the fact that she got her first boyfriend. In fact, she became so enraged that she wasn't told that she tried to punish the girl over it. The dad wrote, "I came home to my wife yelling at our daughter and demanding her phone, her laptop, etc. All over this situation. Which it made me very angry because my daughter was in tears and she is still my little girl and doesn't deserve to be punished over something her own mother caused."
This dad is absolutely right. His daughter does not deserve to be punished for his wife's bad behavior, which is toxic at a minimum and narcissistic at the other end of the spectrum. According to Calm, "Growing up with a difficult parent can leave deep emotional wounds that often last into adulthood. The experience can affect how you see yourself, how you interact with others, and how you view the world."
The simple fact is that this mom cannot maintain and respect boundaries. That's a terrible example to set for a daughter who already has a warped sense of trust. If the toxicity of this mom stopped there, repairing the relationship would take work, but it wouldn't be impossible. Unfortunately, her behavior shows signs of narcissism.
According to licensed marriage and family therapist Karyl McBride, Ph.D., "Normal, healthy mothers are proud of their children and want them to shine. But a narcissistic mother may perceive her daughter as a threat. If attention is drawn away from the mother, the child may suffer retaliation, put-downs, and punishments. The mother can be jealous of her daughter for many reasons — her looks, her youth, material possessions, accomplishments, education, and even the girl’s relationship with the father. This jealousy is particularly difficult for the daughter as it carries a double message: 'Do well so that Mother is proud, but don’t do too well or you will outshine her.'" This description seems to hit very close to home in this family.
Dad is absolutely justified in wanting to remove his daughter from this unhealthy environment
The dad, trying to solve the issue, stepped in and told his wife to give their daughter back her things. Unfortunately, that only enraged her more. She actually tried to physically harm him at that point by digging her fingernails into his arm.
That's when he laid it all out on the table. He told his wife that the reason their teenager does not trust her with secrets is that she shares them with everyone. Instead of facing that realization head-on, she locked herself in the bathroom.
He added that his wife is now giving him the silent treatment, but after reading all the advice from Reddit, he has plans to tell her to go to therapy. If she refuses, he said he has to seriously consider divorce because his top priority is protecting his daughter. Thankfully, this dad seems to have it figured out. His top priority is his daughter. He will give his wife the opportunity to reconcile through work with a professional, but if she isn't willing to put forth the effort, he will separate.
Trust is important in every relationship, and that includes parents and their kids. Just because a crush seems innocent and cute to an adult doesn't mean it's not worthy of discretion. Thankfully, this daughter has a dad who understands and is willing to do whatever it takes to protect her.
Matt Machado is a writer studying journalism at the University of Central Florida. He covers relationships, psychology, celebrities, pop culture, and human interest topics.
