If A Man Uses These 11 Phrases, He's Likely Not A Very Good Person
If a man utters these phrases, run the other way.
TetianaKtv / Shutterstock There are plenty of good men out there who shine bright. From their patience to their cheerful demeanor, spotting a man with green flags is as easy as breathing. That being said, if a man uses certain phrases, he's likely not a very good person.
Despite the 'how to spot red flags' videos out there, spotting a man who's not a good person isn't always easy. As most people know, men who aren't good usually start off pretty charming and can easily be mistaken for a green flag. However, if he ever says any of these phrases, be on the lookout, because he might be a red flag in disguise.
If a man uses these 11 phrases, he's likely not a very good person
1. 'You're too sensitive'
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If a man uses the phrase "You're too sensitive," he's likely not a very good person. There's nothing wrong with a man or woman crying or expressing how they feel. Despite how uncomfortable it may be, people are human beings who deserve to feel whatever it is that they feel, within reason.
However, if a man tears down someone else and always chalks their emotions down to being too sensitive, they might want to run the other way. Not only is this toxic behavior, but it's also damaging in the long run.
According to psychotherapist Moshe Ratson, MBA, MFT, "Invalidation is one of the most destructive forces in relationships. It creates a toxic cycle that leads to emotional isolation and resentment."
Now, does this mean someone should automatically cut off this man? No. It's always good to communicate how you're feeling and give them a chance to correct their behavior before saying goodbye. However, if they don't correct their behavior and continue to be toxic, then saying goodbye is the only option.
2. 'You're lucky I put up with you'
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At the start of a relationship, it's normal to get butterflies and to be infatuated with your partner. Despite the bumps everyone goes through and the flaws each partner has, it doesn't mean they aren't deserving of love. So, if a man uses, "You're lucky I put up with you," he's likely not a very good person.
Now, everyone has their moments of toxicity. To pretend that women are completely innocent while men are always the problematic ones isn't all that realistic. As most couples in relationships know, there has always been a time when they did or said something that some would classify as not being a good person.
That being said, it's good to be wary of this toxic behavior and to look for repeated patterns. Because as much as they'd like to brush this comment off as being 'an out of the blue day,' a man who utters this phrase without blinking might truly mean what he says, which is a glaring red flag.
3. 'No one else would love you like I do'
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Sure, everyone has a moment in which they say something hurtful to a friend or family member. But depending on how toxic the relationship is already, if a man uses the phrase, "No one else would love you like I do," he's likely not a very good person. Sorry, but there's never a reason to say something like this.
No matter how a man spins it, telling someone they're unlovable is crossing a line that most couples or friendships can't always come back from. As relationship counselors, Linda and Charlie Bloom said, "When we are feeling unloved, our mind makes up a story about how unlovable we are, filling in details about our supposed faults."
So, if a man ever utters this phrase, run. Whether it's a friendship, romantic relationship, or a family member, a man who insinuates that a person is unlovable isn't someone you want to be close to.
4. 'I guess I'm a terrible person then'
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At first glance, this is not a problematic phrase. Sure, it isn't the most mature one out there, but when people are frustrated and at their wits' end, their insecurities have a way of manifesting. That being said, if a man uses the phrase, "I guess I'm a terrible person then," be wary.
While it might seem like an offhand comment, people who are unable to do the inner work to reflect are glaring red flags. No matter what type of relationship you have with them, these men will never be able to do the work to see your perspective and change their behavior accordingly.
Instead, they'd rather take it to the extreme and bypass what others say, all without reflecting or adjusting their behavior as necessary.
5. 'You're overreacting'
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Nobody wants to be made to feel crazy when they're expressing their opinion. Yet, this is precisely what happens when a man who uses the phrase "You're overreacting" is likely not a very good person. Now, sure, someone could be blowing things out of proportion.
Despite how much people try to work on themselves, there will always be a moment in which people become the worst version of themselves. Still, most men who say this don't actually think someone is overreacting. Instead, they're uncomfortable with emotional expression.
Because of this, they shut others down by undermining their feelings, which leads to the other person feeling isolated. This isn't great, as according to the American Psychological Association, feeling isolated may lead to "depression, poor sleep quality, impaired executive function, accelerated cognitive decline, poor cardiovascular function, and impaired immunity at every stage of life." So, if a man says this, ignore him and leave the conversation. While they could entertain them and try to argue with them, in the end, men like this will never understand your perspective.
6. 'You made me do it'
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If a man uses the phrase, "You made me do it," he's likely not a very good person. Sorry, but nobody can make someone do anything. Regardless of what others think, at the end of the day, both men and women are in charge of their emotions and actions.
This is why men who can't take accountability for themselves are a glaring red flag. Not only do they lack accountability, but they're likely close-minded and refuse to change their behavior to better themselves. And while some individuals might be willing to work past this flaw, be careful.
Trying to fix someone who can't see the error of their ways is a losing battle.
7. 'All my exes were crazy'
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Ladies, if a man ever says this phrase, don't walk, run! While he might be right in saying that some of his exes were 'crazy,' to say that every single one of them is crazy is a bit dishonest and concerning. As it stands, a man whose toxic will almost always convince others that everyone else around him is the problem.
Even if that isn't the case, men who refuse to do the inner work in relationships and brush women's concerns off as 'being crazy' are a huge red flag. As licensed clinical psychologist Seth Meyers, Psy.D., explained, "In many cases, it’s a warning sign when someone calls their ex 'crazy."
So, while everyone has their flaws, a man who's unable to reflect on their own actions is a man nobody should want to mess with.
8. 'That's just how I am'
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Everyone's heard someone utter this phrase at least once. Whether they're with their friends or family, a toxic man will often brush off their red flag behavior by any means necessary. This is why if a man uses the phrase, "That's just how I am," he's likely not a very good person.
Sorry, but saying 'that's just how I am,' to excuse bad behavior isn't just a red flag, it's also a sign that someone is completely unevolved as a person. Sure, someone might naturally be temperamental or cold. But just because that's how they are naturally, doesn't mean they shouldn't change.
If they find that their behavior is constantly hurting those around them, it's up to that person to change their behavior, even if it's hard at first.
9. 'If you loved me you'd...'
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It isn't always easy to spot a manipulative person. Despite what others might say, manipulative people are very hard to catch, as most of the time they're fairly charming. As professor of sociology Deborah J. Cohan, Ph.D., explained, "Someone who is manipulative might seem charming, outgoing, and affectionate, and in turn we may be led to believe we are the subject of that person's attention and interest."
However, if a man uses the phrase, "If you loved me you'd...," he's likely not a very good person. No toxic form of manipulation makes someone a good person automatically. Regardless of their intention, using someone's feelings to get them to do what you want is downright cruel.
This is why men who utter this phrase should be disregarded immediately. Not only do they not respect the person they uttered this phrase to, but nine times out of ten, they view them as a means to an end, which is a huge red flag.
10. 'You're imagining things'
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Be careful with men who try to convince you that you're the problem. Despite how great they may seem, if a man uses the phrase, "You're imagining things," he's likely not a very good person. Sorry, not sorry, but there's a fine line that needs to be drawn between an opinion and a fact.
If a man pretends that his opinion is factual and uses that to convince the other person that they're delusional, this is a man who's likely downright dangerous and should be avoided at all costs. Because, regardless of how he feels, at the end of the day, diminishing someone's opinion under the guise of them imagining things is both cruel and, nine times out of ten, an incorrect assumption.
11. "I said I was sorry, what more do you want?'
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Finally, if a man uses the phrase, "I said I was sorry, what more do you want?" he's likely not a very good person. Now, sure, he might not mean much by this phrase or be frustrated. But a man who says this usually lacks the emotional intelligence to look outside of himself.
So consumed by how he feels, he forgets that apologizing is half the job. As much as it sucks, apologizing without action is always going to fall hollow. As licensed marriage and family therapist Amy Smith, Ph.D., LMFT, CFLE, said, "Effective problem-solving means looking at both the impact and intent of our actions." And without actual change, apologies absolutely fall flat.
So, be careful and be wary of men like this. While they might seem good on the outside, their unwillingness to change their behavior or do the work to make amends is a huge sign they're not as good as they pretend to be.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
