11 Behaviors That Seem Mean But Are Actually Signs Of A Deeply Wise Person
When a deeply wise person does these things, they're not being rude, they're just standing up for what's right.
Vladeep / Shutterstock Being wise doesn't always mean giving advice to someone in need. It's more about having knowledge, experience, and good judgment when it comes to certain situations. In fact, many behaviors that seem mean are actually signs of a deeply wise person. This can be confusing to others because it might seem like they're being cold or distant, but the truth is that they are trying to teach them what they know.
True wisdom is seeing the reality of a situation and acting accordingly, even if it ruffles a few feathers. These behaviors can look like calling out others when they are being disrespectful or letting things go without the need for more drama. The wisest people recognize that growth often emerges from their darkest times, and the resilience they gain from it empowers them to act more effectively.
Here are 11 behaviors that seem mean but are actually signs of a deeply wise person
1. Calling others out when they are being disrespectful
ViDI Studio | Shutterstock
Calling someone out for being disrespectful is something that deeply wise people do that might seem mean to others. While people may think someone is rude for doing this, no one takes into account the disrespect they just had to face. For them, it is just another way of telling them to accept disrespect, which isn't their style.
Nobody likes to be called out so publicly, but a lesson to learn from this should be a little self-reflection on the part of the aggressor. You can say whatever you want, but you have to be willing to deal with the consequences. After all, being respectful after you have been disrespectful is the only path to redemption.
2. Setting strong boundaries
Nicoleta Ionescu | Shutterstock
Deeply wise people set firm boundaries with the people in their lives, regardless of whether they are their friends or family members. Things like barging into their homes unannounced are not something that they tolerate. While it might seem mean to those who are violating their boundaries, they don't care because they learned a long time ago that it's not right to do it.
Not only does setting firm boundaries help with saying no to others, but it also raises your confidence levels. Around 77% find boundary-setting enhances their self-esteem. The more assertive you are about your boundaries, the more people will come to respect them, especially if they want to remain in your life.
3. Not sugarcoating the truth
Egoitz Bengoetxea | Shutterstock
Wise people speak bluntly and plainly to their friends who are looking for advice without sugarcoating the truth. The act of saying uncomfortable truths during emotionally intense situations can show whether someone can balance cognitive insight and stay emotionally regulated at the same time. Telling the truth is never easy, but it's worth it if you are tired of being surrounded by yes men.
It's better to have someone real in your corner than to have someone willing to be polite to your face but disrespectful behind your back. Some of the best friendships come from two people who can grow together by holding each other accountable. Being wise serves those who are willing to learn from the experiences that make them who they are and shape their views of the world.
4. Spending lots of time alone
Roman Samborskyi | Shutterstock
Spending time alone is neither good nor bad. Solitude activates self-awareness and reflective thoughts in us. For those who love reflecting on their lives, it can provide a safe space for them to decompress. Friends and acquaintances might feel like they are being snubbed, but it’s nothing personal on their end.
They spend the time that they have alone tending to their hobbies to fulfill their emotional needs. Things like cozying up in their favorite chair and reading a book are just as valuable to them as hanging out with others. What might look mean or grouchy to the outside world is just them wanting to sit back to reflect on what they did.
5. Questioning everything
Drazen Zigic | Shutterstock
As children, we question everything, and this has been shown to improve our critical thinking skills, such as interpreting, evaluating, and examining different perspectives. The older we get, the more precise we become, often expanding our way of thinking. Truly wise people stay curious well into adulthood, constantly raising their hands in seminars to ask questions.
People might consider them know-it-alls who are snobby intellectuals. Still, in a world that is becoming increasingly anti-intellectual, we could use some curious individuals who make us question everything. They know that true knowledge is rarely handed to you and that you have to go searching for it. A wise person will never assume they have all the answers and is open to the possibility of being wrong, should you debate them.
6. Detaching from drama
fizkes | Shutterstock
Everyone loves a good conflict in the group chat, but wise people rise above it by detaching themselves from the drama. While some might think that they are cowering away, they're just aware that the conflict doesn't involve them, and it's best to leave it to the people who started it. Instead of reacting impulsively, they choose to observe and see what comes of it.
Wise individuals prioritize their well-being above all else because they have learned from past mistakes of putting others' needs before their own. They've been hurt and abandoned by people who never did as much for them as they should have. Now they wait to access these tricky friendships to see where the others stand before giving their two cents.
7. Having high standards
Pheelings media | Shutterstock
While many can claim that they have high standards, it's not until you're out on a date that you realize that you might have them set a little too high. For people who prioritize their lessons from the past, they've learned to never settle for mediocrity. However, sometimes they can miss out on an opportunity with someone great when they hold themselves in such high regard.
To those they date, they may be labeled as too high maintenance or difficult to deal with, but they ignore the pushback because they are confident in their assessment. They force themselves to go out on lunch dates with a mindset already waiting for the worst-case scenario. Of course, it's not until they meet someone who is above their own level that they begin to humorously wonder as to whether or not they are good enough for them.
8. Speaking less and listening more
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock
Some people may find quiet individuals intimidating, but there's a reason for that. There's power in being silent and, equally, a form of protection from wrongdoing. For those who choose to speak less and listen more, they allow others the space to show them who they really are, whether that is positively or negatively.
The more you talk, the more power you lose because there is no mystery to you. Wise people are often talkative when it comes to asking questions, but when it comes to chitchat, they remain silent. Instead of jumping in to dominate the conversation or push their own agenda, they focus on truly hearing others.
9. Being comfortable with being misunderstood
New Africa | Shutterstock
Some people are comfortable being misunderstood by others, and while that may sound like an extremely confident individual, it can have a dark side as well. A mother who doesn't understand her teenage daughter's meanness towards others is just one of many ways this can manifest. One's version of being mean might be another person's version of telling the truth.
In this case, it's not necessarily a negative personality trait. Personality traits are the most commonly misunderstood aspects of people. Where true wisdom is tested is when those same people who were being mean to a teenage girl suddenly turn on her; her decisions from that point on will show whether she has learned her lesson or not. While it might sound harsh, this is what true wisdom and growth look like.
10. Challenging people to grow
fizkes | Shutterstock
There comes a time when we have to ask ourselves if we have grown since the last time we made a significant life decision. In a workplace setting, a coworker's rigid mindset and lack of confidence in their abilities might cause you to challenge their growth by suggesting they should rely less on your assistance. It might seem mean, but we all have to be able to stand on our two feet eventually.
Wise people value growth and refuse to coddle people because they know how limiting it is to their abilities. It's common wisdom to share with them and one of the last lessons that you hopefully have to teach them. They can either take your advice or view it as an offense and remain in the same stagnant place.
11. Letting go without drama
LightField Studios | Shutterstock
Letting go without any drama may come across as indifferent, but in a situation where reconciliation is possible, it can be a heartwarming sight. Seeing two friends reunite after months of squabbling about nothing can bring relief to everyone else. Wise people don't like to stay in the reminiscing of painful memories, but instead want to repair those strained relationships.
Even if the two of them go their separate ways, they can rest easy at night knowing that they departed on good terms. Deeply wise people do strive to mean to others, but instead want to show others how to be authentic. Being upfront and real can be intimidating for some, while empowering to others.
Sylvia Ojeda is a screenplay writer and journalist who covers self-help, relationships, culture, and human interest stories.
