11 Things People Who Were Raised Right Find Exhausting To Be Around
They're too self-aware and secure to tolerate misbehavior.
GaudiLab | Shutterstock A person's upbringing and relationships with their parents hold a lot of power over influencing their adult lives, mental health, and even relationships later in life, like a study from BMC Public Health suggests. Specifically when it comes to building empathy and emotional intelligence, people who were raised right — with parental warmth, openness, and expressiveness — are set up for success.
Outside of the healthy habits, behaviors, and mentalities these adult children are set up for success with, there are many things people who were raised right find exhausting to be around. From draining relationships, to toxic workplace environments, and even unsuspecting behaviors from family, friends, and strangers, they're far more sensitive to fakeness and toxicity than the average person.
Here are 11 things people who were raised right find exhausting to be around
1. People who lack basic manners
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Whether it's making space in a conversation for other people, saying "please" and "thank you," or offering mutual respect to people with intentional body language, basic manners are essential for forming personal connections and trust in relationships.
Even if the tendency for people to prioritize learning and maintaining these manners is quickly shrinking, their subtle prevalence is still important. That's why people who lack basic manners and often prioritize a kind of entitlement in social situations are some of the things people who were raised right find exhausting to be around.
They're yearning for deeper conversations and connections — part of which are only possible through trust, expressed gratitude, and these basic manners.
2. People who talk too much
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While introverted or shy people tend to resort to solitude to recharge from all social interactions, many emotionally intelligent people find interactions with the loudest people to be the most draining. Even if it seems ironic in social situations, being "the quiet person" has a number of benefits — from helping others to feel heard to crafting self-awareness.
That's why people who talk more than they listen are one of the things people who were raised right find exhausting to be around. Of course, everyone likes to talk about themselves, but great parents teach their kids the importance of helping others feel heard, safe, and supported before seeking validation or attention.
3. People who never take responsibility for anything
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Whether it's gaslighting their partner into taking the blame for their own shortcomings or refusing to take accountability for lacking productivity at work, people with a sense of chronic victimhood are one of the things people who were raised right find exhausting to be around.
Emotionally intelligent people are also regulated, giving them the ability to take accountability and responsibility even if it's uncomfortable or awkward. That's why they find it draining to feed into the games and passivity of their peers — they'd prefer to have the hard conversations, get everything out into the open, and own up to their mistakes to grow than to sweep everything under the rug.
4. Superficiality
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While most people are yearning for a deeper kind of connection and understanding, not just with their loved ones, but even with strangers, there's often a barrier to true connection that lies in superficiality.
That's why it's one of the things people who were raised right find exhausting to be around. They want to build deeper relationships with people who talk about more than the surface-level conversations and small talk. Even though the digital landscape and social media urges superficiality in many situations, it's emotionally intelligent people who were raised right who make space for it in their routines.
5. Unreliability
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Whether it's being unable to keep their commitments, breaking promises, or being consistently late to premade plans, unreliable people are one of the things people who were raised right find exhausting to be around.
Considering attachment styles are generally a symptom of parenting styles, passed along and sparked in adult children later in life, it's not surprising that many people struggle with anxious and avoidant tendencies.
However, adult children who were raised right — with a healthy modeled relationship, affection, and communication — are more likely to have a secure attachment style and to seek out relationships founded on stability and trust, rather than games, unreliability, and selfishness.
6. Attention-seeking behaviors
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According to a study from Personality and Individual Differences, authentic people generally build more secure relationships, because they're not dealing with urges toward attention or external validation in the same way their insecure counterparts often are. Instead, they build self-awareness and internal gratification, focusing on building secure relationships and having vulnerable conversations with others.
That's why someone whose main motive in life is validation or attention is so draining for people who lead with authenticity. They're yearning for secure attachments, stability, and honest connection.
7. People with little self-awareness
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According to a study from Frontiers in Psychology, many people with low self-control and a lack of self-awareness struggle with crafting healthy habits and routines. Whether it's constantly distracting themselves with mindless entertainment, falling victim to pressures toward external validation, or relying on misguided coping mechanisms for complex emotions, they tend to sabotage their mental health and relationships in the long run.
That's part of the reason why people who lack self-awareness are draining to their secure emotionally intelligent counterparts. They're more focused on seeking attention and distracting themselves from discomfort than leaning into personal growth and connection.
8. Trauma dumpers
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People who trauma dump in the wrong social situations and with people they don't know well often sabotage their ability to form deeper connections. In order to build trust, understanding, and mutual respect, there has to be a balance between partners in conversations early in their relationship. When someone trauma dumps to cope with their own discomfort, the other person goes consistently unheard.
Of course, emotional support, hard conversations, and community are all beneficial for mental health and relationships, but when someone's willingness to listen and support are taken for granted, it can quickly become a draining cycle of uncertainty and resentment.
9. Judgmental attitudes
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Many great parents teach their kids empathy early on in life, setting them up for success in adulthood when it comes to building relationships, having positive social interactions, and building a secure sense of self-worth and self-esteem. When kids grow up with secure and emotionally regulated parents, they don't just have higher empathy levels, they embody healthier behaviors and habits from a young age.
However, many people who grew up with parents who overlooked empathy and urged kids into a selfish attitude turn into judgmental adults — picking apart others, failing to take accountability, and gossiping behind other people's backs.
Like a study from Personality and Individual Differences argues, the more you judge others, the worse your mental health and general wellbeing is, which is why it's one of the things people who were raised right find exhausting to be around.
10. Dishonesty
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Dishonesty doesn't just sabotage trust in personal relationships and self-esteem, it can also hurt people's capacity for social awareness. The more dishonest a person is, the less likely they are to healthily read other people in social situations, making it harder to connect, even when it comes to first conversations and impressions.
Of course, dishonesty is also one of the things people who were raised right find exhausting to be around. They were taught to express themselves, have the hard conversations, and lean into the discomfort of radical honesty, not just for their loved ones' sake, but also for their own mental health and general wellbeing.
11. Fake kindness
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According to psychologist Mark Travers, fake positivity isn't just detrimental to healthy and secure relationships, it also tends to urge people to suppress their true emotions and disregard habits that'd otherwise cultivate authenticity and security.
Emotionally intelligent people often grew up in a household where they were celebrated for speaking their mind and expressing their emotions, even if they were complex or uncomfortable. Compared to others who urged to people-please and "protect the peace," they learned how to be comfortable with hard conversations and more negative feelings.
In their relationships as adults, they find fake positivity to be draining, especially when they're looking for a space to express their needs and seek emotional support.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
