10 Dark Mind Games People Play When They Want Power Over You
These psychological tactics are often very calculated.
Artpamh | Canva Manipulation isn’t some conspiracy theory stuff reserved for cult leaders and psychopaths. It’s happening right now, probably in your phone, your relationship, your group chat, or your workplace. You’ve either been a victim of it, a silent witness to it, or worse — you’ve done it.
And if you don’t learn how these dark mind games and crush them on sight, you’ll keep dancing in circles, wondering why you always feel like something’s off. So here it is. No fluff. No apologies. Just the brutal truth from someone who’s been messed with and learned to fight back.
Here are 10 dark mind games people play when they want power over you:
1. Gaslighting: The reality rewire
They say, “That never happened.” They twist your words. They flip the script until you start questioning your memory.
Gaslighting isn’t confusing. It’s control. Dr. Robin Stern, author of The Gaslight Effect, calls it “an insidious form of emotional abuse where the manipulator makes the victim question their sanity.”
Real-life example? I once dated a woman who denied entire conversations and then called me paranoid. Took me a year to realize I wasn’t crazy. She was just a pro at rewriting history.
2. Love bombing: The ego high before the crash
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They flood you with attention. They tell you you’re the best thing that ever happened to them. They hook your nervous system like a junkie on dopamine. Then they pull the plug.
You’re left chasing that high, blaming yourself for its withdrawal. Love bombing is manipulation disguised as romance.
Dr. Ramani Durvasula says: “Love bombing is the gateway drug of narcissistic abuse.” They love you hard so they can control you soft.
3. Triangulation: The insecurity multiplier
- They bring a third party into your dynamic.
- They subtly compare you.
- They hint that someone else wants them. Or worse — that someone else understands them more.
- They’re not trying to be honest.
- They’re trying to make you compete for their attention.
And you fall for it. Every single time. Triangulation makes you question your worth; you beg to prove it.
4. Silent treatment: The power of withholding
They go radio silent. Not to heal. Not to reflect. But to punish. This isn’t maturity. It’s manipulation. They want you to feel uncomfortable enough to apologize for stuff you didn’t even do.
Dr. Harriet Lerner calls it an “emotional cut-off” and warns it can trigger abandonment trauma like nothing else. If someone punishes you with silence instead of communication, they don’t want a resolution. They want dominance.
5. Projection: Their stuff, your shoulders
They accuse you of being needy while they’re the one who needs validation. They say you’re insecure, while they’re the ones constantly checking your phone.
This is psychological ping-pong. And if you’re not sharp, you’ll start owning baggage that isn’t yours. Psychotherapist Dr. Carl Jung was right: “Everything that irritates us about others can lead to an understanding of ourselves.” Yeah, unless they’re just dumping their shadow on your lap.
6. Future faking: The fantasy leash
They talk about “our wedding,” “our kids,” and “our future travels” on date two. You think it’s love. It’s not. It’s a tactic.
They use dreams to blind you to their present-day red flags. You’re so high on the potential that you ignore the reality.
Real-life example? My buddy was told, “You’re the man I want to marry” while she was texting three other guys. It’s not love. It’s a leash.
7. Playing the victim: The manipulator’s shield
- They mess up, then cry harder than you.
- They cheat, and then blame childhood trauma.
- They scream, then say, “You triggered me.”
They weaponize vulnerability to avoid accountability.
Dr. George Simon explains this beautifully in In Sheep’s Clothing: “Covert aggressors disguise their behavior by painting themselves as the injured party.”
If every argument ends with you comforting them, you’re not in a relationship. You’re in a manipulation loop.
8. Devaluation: The ego breakdown phase
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After the love bombing, they start picking you apart. Subtle insults. Backhanded compliments. Sudden criticism.
You went from being adored to being analyzed. This isn’t “high standards.” It’s control through erosion. They break you down, so when they occasionally build you up again, you crave it like water in a desert.
9. Information gathering: The weaponization of vulnerability
- They seem super curious about your past.
- They ask deep, emotional questions.
- You think they’re attentive.
No. They’re collecting ammo. Everything you say will be used against you in a future emotional ambush. Your trauma becomes a tool. Your insecurities become a script.
You told them your biggest fear was abandonment. Now they pull away every time you speak up. You gave them the gun, and they loaded it.
10. Intermittent reinforcement: The loop
- They’re hot, then cold.
- Affectionate, then distant.
- Available, then ghosted.
It’s not poor communication. It’s conditioning. This is the exact technique used in casino gambling and psychological experiments to create addiction.
Dr. B.F. Skinner’s research on behavioral psychology found that variable rewards produce the highest addiction.
In relationships? This is an emotional addiction. You don’t know when the love is coming, so you stay. You become addicted to unpredictability, thinking it’s passion.
It’s not passion. It’s psychological abuse. If you’re reading this, it’s because somewhere deep down, you know you’ve been played. You’ve been love-bombed, gaslit, and emotionally yanked around like a puppet.
But the second you name it, you strip it of its power.
- You stop explaining their behavior.
- You stop questioning your worth.
- You stop needing their validation to feel alive.
Because here’s the truth: The smartest people aren’t the ones who avoid manipulation. They’re the ones who see it, call it, and walk away from it.
So don’t just read this. Tattoo it into your emotional DNA. And next time someone tries to mess with your mind? Smile. And flip the script.
At Soulitinerary, we believe real wellness starts where your coping mechanisms end. We write the things your therapist tiptoes around, your doctor won’t say, and your spiritual coach sugarcoats.
